I’m usually the one starting things off, its pretty rare for her to approach me for sex. I get rejected 50% of the time but I have a crazy libido so I understand. Also if she orgasms then she’s pretty much done or super not interested in going any further. Whereas if I orgasm I usually try to be sure she has one as well. I’m curious if this is normal.

11 comments
  1. She does sound somewhat selfish, taking her pleasure and neglecting you when she’s done. Do consider speaking to her about it, sexual compatibility is an essential part of a relationship

  2. She does sound somewhat selfish. It also sounds like her libido is on the low side while yours is high, which can be an issue long-term. I am kind of the opposite where I can not really continue after I cum, but my wife can. Usually I wait until she has at least one orgasm before I finish. Make sure you communicate these issues with her. It could be you two are just not sexually compatible.

  3. I feel like this is pretty common. Granted if it’s an issue it should be discussed

  4. Women here. I consider that selfish on her part, and I wouldn’t stay with a man if he treated me that way. Especially if he didn’t want to at least reciprocate.

  5. You need to talk about this. If it doesn’t improve afterwards, at least in terms of effort, then she is being selfish.

  6. I’m the one in the relationship who seldom initiates. When we do have sex, I reciprocate when I can. Sometimes, selfishness is the result of feeling unsafe in one’s body.

    I have a few medical issues that are chronic wrt pain and stress tolerance.

    As for my husband, he has a history of emotional manipulation wrt sex and periodic lapses in empathy. He is also less present on a day to day basis (ADHD), then suddenly becomes present wrt sex.

    Putting all of these together, sex has gradually become something that feels less mutually intimate and loving. Instead, it is something I’ve had to work at getting into the headspace to initiate.

    We’ve been talking through these issues little by little. It seems best to discuss for 30-45 minutes, then wait a day or two to contemplate responses, then discuss calmly again.

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