I’m going to be pretty vague about this to try and condense the story.
So, a few months ago, I met this girl in a bar. She came up to me and my friends with her group of friends and introduced herself. We hit it off and started talking all night which led to us laughing, dancing, etc. She told me that she’s from Canada and she’s been going to College at the one of the schools in the city. She also plays field hockey and is taking big strides down that path.
She had to leave a good while before I did as she was the DD for her friends. She asked me for my phone and proceeded to put her contact info in. I asked her if it’d be okay for me to reach out to her and she said “I hope you do”. Now, this girl is gorgeous so there’s obvious attraction to that fact; but through talking with her, I found myself becoming more and more attracted. She was intelligent, thoughtful, funny, intriguing, and all around a quality person.
I waited till I had left the bar that night to reach out to her. I was contemplating the classic “do I wait till the next day?” Question for a good while, but just decided to go for it. That started our conversation which quickly transferred from Instagram to text. Over the next week or two, we had genuine and thought provoking conversations. She was telling me about her life, her family, her schooling, her hometown, her likes/dislikes, etc. Meanwhile, I was reciprocating the same info.
I eventually asked if she would like to go out to dinner. She said she’d love to and we made plans to do so. Through the planning, she informed me that she had a very busy schedule coming up. She was leaving the coming weekend to go back to Canada for a week to attend a field hockey camp. She was very upfront, stating that she wasn’t in a place for a relationship. We had numerous conversations about this, I told her that I understood and if she wanted, we could still be friends. She agreed and said she enjoyed talking to me.
We went to dinner and it went great! We talked for over 4 hours about everything you could think of. Later that week she left for Canada and we continued talking daily. Mind you, our conversations got deeper and we began talking more seriously. I won’t deny that I began to develop feelings. However, I kept those feelings to myself, knowing what she had told me about not being in a place for a relationship.
When she came back to the states, she wanted to see each-other again. She asked if she could come to my house, as I have a farm with a bunch of animals that she wanted to see. We made dinner together, rode horses, and watched the stars. We ended up watching a movie later that night which inevitably led to us kissing. She asked if she could stay the night, to which I agreed. You can fill in the details as to what had happened there.
Over the next few weeks we continued to see each other. She’d come to my house and I’d go to hers in the city. We ended up talking more about what we were doing and we both agreed that we had developed feelings for each other that we couldn’t ignore.
The issue is, she’s leaving in a week to go back to Canada for the summer. She’ll be coming back to the area in the fall for her Master’s degree. She has told me how her previous two year relationship was mostly long distance and due to her Ex. Not treating her right, she’s afraid of doing long distance again. We haven’t specifically talked about a relationship, but she keeps hinting towards the possibility of one.
I know the best thing to do is to have an open and honest conversation. She has some serious but strenuous goals for herself and I want nothing other than for her to be happy. No part of me wants to stand in the way of her dreams. That being said, I’m willing to be there by her side while she works towards accomplishing her goals, if that’s what she wants.
I reckon my question is, how should I go about this? Should I go about this at all? I like this girl a lot, any advice would be helpful!
Thank y’all!
4 comments
Long distance is the kind of relationship you have to put work into. I had a LDR for about 8 months and it was fine. It fell apart for personal reasons, but the main thing it worked and would have continued to work was that we had a date we were working towards, and a plan for when we were no longer LDR.
Sounds like you guys at least have an expectation of the length of time you will be apart. You now need to consider other things. When/how often/how will you visit? Is that going to impact your relationship? Are you likely to get “bored” of never being physically there? And what is your plan for after the summer?
You and this girl both seem like rational, mature individuals. I say go for it, as long as you know what kind of a person you are, and make a solid plan for the future before jumping right on into anything.
Why are we getting so many posts in here all of a sudden where the OP has cut n pasted text with paragraph indents and it has destroyed the formatting?
Never used to see it much until this year and now there’s a ton of it.
You tell her exactly that.
Tell her that you really like her, and you would love to have a relationship with her. In no way will stand in her way of reaching her goals, and that you would love to be there and support her.
Tell her if it has to be long distance for the summer that’s ok. That’s why planes, trains and automobiles were invented.
Lastly, Tell her that she is worth it.
You’ve got nothing to lose by trying, and everything to lose by not.