My bf and I have been dating for a little over a year now, and we both want marriage and kids in the future. I asked him when he thinks he will be ready to propose, and he said he doesn’t know. I also tried to ask him where he sees our relationship a year from now, and he says he can’t give a certain answer (whether dating or engaged) but he is happy in our relationship now. We were friends before this too so it’s not like im a stranger. He kept saying he’s “not ready to be engaged” but didn’t give any reasons as to why. I fear that if he has no idea today, what if he doesn’t know in another year from now? Do I stick around and wait?
TL;DR: BF won’t give me a timeline for proposal or marriage and I don’t know whether I should stay with him and wait to see if this works out, of if I’m wasting my time.
5 comments
Can he give you an answer about whether he wants to be married at all?
My husband was the same. He actually never did propose. We married for legal reasons only, and then 8 years after that had a wedding. We are now at 26 years.
I can’t tell you whether to wait or not, but I would encourage you to maybe try some couple’s counselling. Not necessarily because I think that you guys have problems, but to open up your lines of communication, so that you each know what the other wants out of this relationship. Humans aren’t great at communicating or taking in messages. He may not realize just how important marriage is to you. You may not realize that there is a reason that he is unable to picture where he will be in a year from now. Even though you guys have talked about it, you may not have actually communicated to each other. Believe it or not, they are actually two vastly different things!
I think it’s a slippery slope. With only a year in, I’m not sure it’s the best time to be asking when someone is planning to propose and assuming that you will be the person they propose to. I think it’s fair to take your time and figure out if you’re right for each other before having that conversation. I don’t think being in a relationship with someone who also wants marriage means they will automatically want to marry you. Give him time and let your relationship develop. I was friends with my boyfriend for 2 years before we started dating. We are almost 3 years in and we’ve had to go through so many other milestones and steps that I never saw coming after a year together.
I wasn’t ready to be engaged at 25 either, and I was with my guy for 3 years at that point. I don’t think this is a harbinger of doom.
Men marry when they are emotionally, but ESPECIALLY finantially ready to take the plunge. Maybe he doesn’t think he has the stability and the funds to support a family. Something-something ducks in a row.
Also, a year is often not enough to really know someone.
Have a honest talk with him about this. In the end, only you get to decide f you’re willing to wait and see which is which.