Self awareness is key so be as honest as possible please. I’ll go first. My toxic trait is that I have commitment issues. I’ll agree to something and then at the very last minute I realize that I don’t actually want to do it and only said yes to be polite, so I’ll change my mind and bail which I’m sure makes me come off as flaky af but like, idk. Life’s too short to do things I don’t want to do i guess. Hbu?
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It’s difficult for me to care about anything that isn’t directly relevant to me.
I have Imposter Syndrome, which leads to me sabotaging my own relationships because I think they deserve someone better.
I’m shallow and autistic.
I’m unmotivated. If I can’t do something perfectly, I often just decide not to do it.
I can lie very well and very convincingly and I lean on it way more than I should for work and friends.
I don’t really like confrontation so I have a tendency to ghost if I don’t see things working out between me and someone. Occasionally I’ll let them know for the most part why I’d like to sever contact like our core values aren’t aligned, we want different things, we’re not on the same page, etc. but people tend to get defensive when they’re rejected or try to guilt trip you into feeling bad so it’s easier to just block and move on and hope they get the hint. Sometimes I’ll go as far as to deactivate my profile, uninstall the app and change my number so I’m virtually unreachable and other times I’ll delete the entire conversation and pretend it never happened but I know it’s a very shitty thing to do and I’m actively working on being more honest and forthright instead of dropping off the face of the earth. I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I guess ghosting hurts more especially if the other person felt like the two of you had a genuine connection. I know *theoretically* giving them closure would be the nice thing to do, but for some reason cutting them off is always my go to response and idky (I mean I do know why – my fight or flight in tense situations has always been flight but still 🥴)
I randomly go up to people and give and them unsolicited advice. Some examples:
* Your dog’s nose has lost its colour and is pink, it means he’s extremely vitamin deficient and he needs calcium, bcomplex and k2
* You should get a harness for your dog because pulling him by the collar can cause damage to his neck
* Children are quite sensitive, don’t scream at your child
* Your car’s motor sounds funny, I think you need to get an oil change
* You’re someone with fair skin, I think you should wear a hat when outdoors to prevent skin damage
* Meat is bad for you, it has proteins that trigger inflammatory responses
* Don’t invest in bitcoin or cryptos, it’s unstable and we could be in for a downturn (this was in 2020 during its height)
* Don’t invest in real estate right now, it’s not a good idea, central banks just raised interest rates (in 2021) also don’t buy houses until after the recession post 2025…
Etc…
I make racist and regarded jokes. Some people call me an asshole for it, I see it as a feature.
Hyper independence
I lack emotional permanence so I need far too much attention from anyone that’s in my life romantically or else the relationship goes grey. It gets worse when I know directly how much the other person has their phone and see how they respond/ignore people that are or aren’t important in their life. It’s exhausting for them.
Overperfection (more usually called « arrogance » by some)
I don’t have much patience for disrespect or stupidity.
Laziness
Oh I probably have loads of toxic traits. I wouldn’t date me with my big toe. I’m mostly kidding.
Hmm, in the past I’ve found it hard to put effort into love languages that I didn’t care about… You can tell me a million different ways that you only feel appreciated when your partner gives you a gift, but odds are I won’t do that, and I’ll judge you for having gift giving as your primary priority. Is that toxic?
Also I’m pretty judgemental (and despite what I say, my face will clearly show that judgement).
Oh, and I do lie from time to time, especially when it’s convenient or self serving. That is toxic.
I procrastinate by shitposting on Reddit. About one million more productive things I have to or should be doing right now.
Part of self awareness is working on the toxic trait and not just being like yeah that negative aspect of me that hurts others is just part of who I am.
I have extremely anxious attachment and that can send me in pretty big spirals when I’m met with someone who shutdown on me or I’m triggered in other ways. I’m working really hard on figuring out why it’s triggering me and what’s going on with me instead of solely focusing on what the other person is doing.
I’m paranoid that people see me badly, I assume they don’t like me so sometimes I don’t treat them as well as I should.
– My digital communication like texting and calling skills aren’t that great because I don’t feel like putting any effort.
– I lack the ability to truly ‘miss’ someone. I realised I can go a long time without human contact without longing for somone, even my family members. Depending on how you look at it, it’s probably quite sad.
I’m too generous. I have a hard time saying no when people I know ask for help. I always pay for everything when in a group. It tends to screw up friendships and relationships in the long term.
I’m too nice/helpful, to a fault. It irritates me, and my wife, when people need to “borrow” me to get something done. There’s one or two people who we know have helped us out in a pinch and my wife and I both have a “don’t check in, just go help out” situation in place, but a majority of the time myself schedule and lack of outside of work commitments make it crazy easy for me to help out.
As my wife would say, “stop being so perfect and come home and play video games or watch a movie!”
I can be hard on people for not living up to my standards as I’m hard on myself to not living up to my own standards. And when I hold back criticism because I know it’s not fair of me to impose my standards, I build up a silent resentment.
Besides the few exceptions, I never fully trust anyone and always doubt one’s intentions. While I try to act normally, at times I fail to recognize that I express my mistrust through subtle phrasing and body language.
I’m very jaded, I have a very hard time trusting anyone and anticipate the worst of every situation.
Dunno if it’s considered toxic, but I don’t have provider mentality.
Procrastination.
Pessimist.
I will not hesitate to protect my peace, to a maximum degree of disassociation with extreme prejudice, especially if lied to 3 times. I’m out, ghost as they say today.
I hate confrontation, to the point where I will stay in a relationship I’m not enjoying just because I don’t want the confrontation of breaking up
I can’t control my anger sometimes and get flashes of anger here and there based on my traumatic childhood past.
I have never physically hurt anyone and I never will but sometimes I just get so Immensly angry that I can’t see sense and feel like I’m able to explode with rage. I’ll start breathing heavy whilst wanting to scream.
I’ve actually got better. It use to be worse. I cost my family money through break furniture. I went through traumatic bullying and kept all the anger inside because of paranoia and fear. And went I left school, it all started coming out in flashes. And some of it still lingers. More of the fact that I never got an apology of his I was treated and have no idea why people treated me like that and laughed.
So I’m easily angered is my toxic trait. Again, I’ve never hurt anyone physically but I can become quite scary when angry. As I’ve been told.
I can be so invested in someone it can consume my life besides her
I enjoy seeing violence occasionally. Like watching Russians and Ukrainians butcher each other because a few politicians say so. Can’t appreciate peace without a little bit of chaos to remind us what a life without peace is like…
I tend to have anger and rage issues. Tbf, it takes a lot to get me to that point, but once I’m there, I feel like I’m watching myself on autopilot.
Arrogance. I became aware of my propensity for arrogance in my 20’s. I’m now in my 50’s and that little voice has never gone away. I like to think I’m just better at ignoring it.
Anger issues.
I’m your polar opposite. I never commit to anything unless I’m sure of it. Leads people to think I have commitment issues. But once I commit, there’s no backing out. If you don’t make good on your promises, then what good are your promises?
I don’t “care” about others. People still seem to want to hang out with me and I don’t know why. I must come off as an egocentric asshole.
The thing with me is that I don’t know how to have a normal conversation with people I don’t know or share any interests with.
I’m also quiet and short fused in the same time. I pretend to not be bothered by people and then I rant behind their back, calling people horrible things.
Just like OP, I bail last minute all the time. I have MS and I usually blame that. It’s not that it don’t _want_ to come along, it’s more that I know I won’t enjoy it so I just fancy the idea of being invited and then I cancel.
People have done that to me growing up all the time so I don’t feel too bad about it.
Apathy. I’ve been working on it but it’s been ingrained in me since childhood to now have emotions.
I have a hunger for external validation. This has led me to a lot of great places in my life (academic and athletic success), but when that validation dries up, it can lead me to dark places.
I once told my therapist I sometimes feel like an ivory tower built over a sucking pit of tar. And my life is about constantly building the tower taller while the foundations keep getting dragged beneath the surface of the tar.
And while I’ve searching for that validation has at times lead me to overemphasize validation from women, leading to many hookups I didn’t actually care about.
Insane tunnel vision. I will pursue a goal until completion/mastery/ obvious failure before I decide to do something else. Causes issues with balancing other things in my life
Let me guess… I lack drive, lack confidence, I like to isolate myself for long duration, I have a very low opinion about me.