I’ll try to make it short but it’s a bit complicated.
My girlfriend of 19 months moved in with me 3 months ago in the apartment I bought with a mortgage.
She also has an apartment, which she bought with a mortgage, too. Until now she has completed some renovation works and Her idea is to now rent her apartment and use the money she gets from it to cover her mortgage.
She is not paying anything at my place, We are just splitting the groceries expenses but I am paying for everything else: the mortgage of course, but also the bills, the condo and an additional room in the basement (to have some more space).
I don’t feel so comfortable with her not paying anything. But the thing is she is also paying the bills and expenses at her place, where she is not living.
How do you see it? Shouldn’t she pay something at my place since we are living together? Am I being selfish? How should I tell her?
Thank you!
TL;DR! I moved with my girlfriend to the apartment I bought with a mortgage. In the meanwhile she also bought an apartment and started renovating it to rent it with airbnb and cover her mortgage. She is not paying any expenses at my place nor splitting the bills. I don’t feel ok with this.
8 comments
Honestly even tho I am a 22f I know that if I move in with my boyfriend ALL expenses are split (rent, utilities, groceries, etc). I think you are being very gracious by suggesting she contribute half of the bills and none of the mortgage payments, especially if she has renters to help make payments on her mortgage.
You are both adults and should be comfortable enough staying this outright and maybe asking for her reasoning on why she isn’t contributing. If she doesn’t take to this well, there is an underlying reason which could end up being a red flag
Get her to start contributing once she has a tenant in her place. It’s only fair. Why should she not have to contribute to the roof over her head?
All of this needed to be discussed before she moved in but I suppose you realize that. It will be harder to backtrack. However it is good practice because the one thing couples need to learn is how to negotiate win-win solutions.
She’s got the best deal now but she must realize that. Isn’t the norm a third of one’s salary for housing costs? That’s where I would start.
AirBnB takes a special person to manage. I would never do it though my city is packed with them and they make good money. However some people are so critical. I’ve seen reviews of lovely places right on the ocean and across the street from fine dining and people will write a review complaining about only 2 rolls of paper towels left there for the week, or seagull crap on the outside table…
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Splitting bills and expenses is pretty normal. Many would charge a market value rent. Given she still has mortgage elsewhere, paying half of groceries and utilities makes sense, until she rents it out. That said, you need to speak with a lawyer because there are some potential complications here.
You need to learn more about local property laws and complications that may arise with a live-in partner. For example, you may need something such as a cohabitation/living agreement, or the equivalent. This is to show that any money she spends will not give her equity in your apartment.
You might want to find out any laws regarding de facto relationships. Some jurisdiction have those kinds of laws, while others don’t. If they do, then you need to plan for that.
I know, it probably sounds ridiculously complicated. Better to know now that end in disaster later. I’ve know a few people who lost chunks of their house that way.
If she’s going to rent her apartment and put that money towards her mortgage then 100% she needs to be paying rent at your place. You should draft up a rental agreement. Ask her if you guys did the opposite and moved into her place, would you be able to live there rent free??
> But the thing is she is also paying the bills and expenses at her place, where she is not living.
That’s a burden she willingly took on. If she does rent it out, presumably she’ll get more in rent than the mortgage/utilities/other costs. So at that point the arrangement would be that she has an investment property that generates income for her (or at least pays for itself), while she lives with you for free.
The question of whether partners should pay rent is one on which people differ, but I see no justification whatsoever for arguing that she should live with you full time but contribute nothing to the electricity and other bills that she’s using.
*Why* did she move in with you despite already owning a place, and how did that happen without any of this being discussed and worked out? Why are you living with someone you can’t openly discuss finances with?
1. It might be difficult conversation, so just make sure its not coming from a bad place. But the way i see it is that shes going to live at yours rent free, and then collect rent at hers which will enable her to pay her mortgage off faster. as if she was living there she would only have her wages to spend toward her mortgage. so maybe when your having the conversation with her, try not to get into the niggly bits, (you mentioned she earns more than you, or that you’ve been kind enough to allow her to live there rent free up until now sort of thing) just ask her is she willing to go half’s on you with the bills and help cover your rent (mortgage) some times one person pays the rent and the other pays the bills. maybe asking to her to cover the groceries from now on and half the bills might seem like a fair compromise. and if she develops resentment over it down the road and starts hitting back, then make sure to call her out on it .
I would take into consideration who does the majority of the house work/ cleaning/ cooking. That would factor into how much I expect my partner to participate financially.
Also I probably would have discussed this before moving in together bc these conversations are harder to have 3 months in