I’m 34 and recently single. I decided that I’d like kids but I started doing some math and realized that it will probably take me a year or two to meet someone and another couple years of dating to get married and at least 9 months to have a kid and realized I’d be like 38 or older by the time I was a dad. Is that too old? Have I missed my window?
27 comments
Maybe, maybe not. Don’t worry about it. Whatever happens, happens. Maybe you could adopt some children. But here is the most important thing. You can’t really change whatever happens so don’t worry about it.
If you know you would like kids then don’t worry about being too old as you’ve already decided. Make sure people you date feel the same way and it could happen sooner than 38. Or maybe it won’t but you will have tried.
It feels like late 30s is still not too late anyway if you’re healthy and active.
I just had my fourth at 38, lots of my friends had kids around that age as well. It’s not to late.
If you are very wealthy it is never too late. If you are affluent, 40s is fine.
Your window might be closing, but Steve Martin had a child at 67, not recommending it – just saying.
My FIL was 47 when my wife was born.
I’m 49, had my first son almost 11 years ago. You are absolutely not too late.
If you meet a childless woman in her 30’s that wants kids, you can reduce that timeline by about 50%. Biological clock is a real thing.
I had my second when I was 38. My view is, so long as they are out of the house by the time you retire, you’re good.
Um. I met a VC investor who was in his 60s with a 20 something wife and a sub 1yo kid.
Seems as long as you are healthy it’s not too late
If you were a woman, it would be a more legitimate concern due to…well, biology. Being a man, you’ve probably got a good bit longer. Whatever you do, don’t make a kid with the wrong person just for the sake of having a child at a younger age (I’m 34 too).
It’s not too old. You could also keep single moms in mind as you date. The pregnancy/infant stage is pretty rough, so if you’re OK with a somewhat different role, it could be a good fit.
Don’t rush it. You have plenty of time; even more so if you date women several years younger than yourself.
The worst thing you can do here is to get married too soon to the wrong person just because you’re desperate to be a father, and wind up stuck in a terrible relationship.
I, too, was single at 34. And over the next five years I met my wife, got married, and had two beautiful children. Thirty-four is definitely not too late.
Having kids in your 40s is fine, IMHO. Having kids in your 50s, that’s something I wouldn’t recommend. 60s you missed your window, IMHO.
40s is fine. It’ll just feel like more work than for someone having kids in their late teens [+]
Men have kids well into their old age, 70s or 80s. It’s the women who have a fertility schedule. That’s purely from the physical aspect though. If you have a kid by 45, you’ll be 63 when he graduates high school. But you may not see your grandkids grow older though. But who knows?
I didn’t meet my wife until I was 36, had child 1 age 39 and child 2 age 42. More tiring that it probably would have been when younger, but neither of us were ready to get married and have kids when younger! Define “too old”? I’m still in good health, won’t even be retired by the time they’re adults.
Seems fairly common for guys to hit your age and think that, partially why I imagine a lot of 34-38 year old dudes date chicks in their late 20’s. Men’s ability to reproduce doesn’t get affected with age but a woman’s does, so with how you laid out everything I’d say your window is closing fast to have kids with a woman your own age but not with a chick a bit younger.
My baby sister is 21 years younger than me, someone needs to let my dad know that the “kid window” has closed. Officially!
My buddy had a kid at 40 with his wife whom he met like 4 years prior. She’s 3 now and they’re all happy
My dad was 38 when he got married, 39 when I was born, and 42 when my sister was born. My mom is 5 years younger. I am now 31 and he’s 71, and he has probably 10-15 years left. He golfs regularly and is still fairly active, but is diabetic and a bit overweight. My mom will outlive him for probably 10-15 years if I had to guess.
Both of us kids are over 5 years out of undergrad, and financially stable without our parents, but I did take until like 27 to get really financially independent.
You can do it for sure as long as you stay healthy. They’re definitely happy they had kids. Neither of us have given them any grandkids yet though hahaha
I just became a dad for first time at 38, 39 in June.
I’m 46 and my son is 8. Everything is great!
If you approach it like a project, you are too young to have kids.
Your window is still wide open. My husband and I met late in life. I was 36 and he was 44. We got married in year 1 and then had 4 consecutive babies. Huz is now 49 and kids are 4y, 3y, 2y, and 2-months old. We feel old compared to the other parents at daycare, but we have some serious advantages. We are more financially sound than we were in our 20’s. We have established careers. We got to be wild and travel and really enjoy our 20’s and 30’s. >>>AND<<< emotionally we’re solid, which helps us be better parents than we would be in our 20’s when we were immature and had short fuses.
Don’t be discouraged. As a dude, you’ve got plenty of years left. The key is to find a worthy partner; one who is both wife and mama material.
Reading these comments has made me feel a lot better about being a single 33M, and feeling like my chance to meet someone and have kids is quickly passing me by as I watch all my friends move onto that stage of their life.
Thanks for asking the question and wish you luck 🙂
You kinda are. Men begin to see an increased risk of chromosomal deficiencies leading to autism, schizophrenia, etc in their mid 30s as sperm count and quality both decrease at this time. Why not freeze your sperm and buy some time?
You have not even come close to having Mr. window. There are many dad‘s who are having their first child at 40. I have a friend at work who is having his second child at 52. Another had their first child at 49. Having a kid in your mid to late 30s has huge advantages, you’re more established, your wiser, and you have more money. Your child will benefit from everyone of those things.