My wife is 4 months pregnant, she stopped talking to me and won’t tell me what is wrong. I’ve asked her and she say’s nothing’s wrong but she is extremely distant and overall in a sad mood. We were both very happy when she found out she was pregnant but now that she’s going through all the changes her mood has gone down. I always try to be extremely supportive and caring for her during her pregnancy. I’m not sure what to do I just want my wife back and miss her being herself. How can I get her to open up to me?
7 comments
Explain the changes you’ve seen without making it like it’s her fault. Tell her what you’ve noticed and let her know you want to help.
Just give her time and let her know you’re there for her. She might not even really know what’s wrong with her.
When I was pregnant my temper was almost non existent. At the drop of a pin (literally) I would start screaming and crying. If my oldest would start to argue with me and I started yelling my husband would retreat to the garage. It got so bad one night he took off because he couldn’t deal with the yelling. But really, I just needed him to step in and give me a break. I tried so hard to stay calm but I felt like my world was falling apart because of something so small. I felt like my blood was boiling and my insides were trying to crawl out of me. My husband thought I was just being irrational and didn’t want to deal with it, but really I just needed him to actually deal with the situation at hand. I needed to know I was supported without being asked if I was okay or what was wrong.
“How can I help” is a more powerful question than ‘whats wrong’, and be prepared for her to not necessarily know. If she doesn’t know, then look for something she is struggling with and help without being asked.
Fact is she may not be back to ‘herself’ until her body and hormones aren’t undergoing the stresses that pregnancy brings, which as a guy are often beyond our comprehension.
It’s the hormones.
Could you ask her to write a letter to you?
You did nothing wrong OP. As a new mom, I can tell you that you need to be very patient, loving and understanding for the next 9 months, maybe longer.
At 4 months, your wife is going through a huge influx of emotions, hormonal changes and sickness. It’s extremely uncomfortable and she is trying to navigate it without making you feel bad.
She is also going to go through a period of loss if identity. It’s a very confusing, sad and isolating time for her.
All you need to be is gentle, and understanding. Don’t take it personally, she means no harm. Her body is creating a human and it take everything it can from her body which leaves her feeling horrible a lot of the time.
Just ask her how you can help, rub her feet and make sure she has some anti nausea medication so that she doesn’t feel so bad.
You’ll be ok OP, you both will be
I’m currently pregnant, I can say from experience these hormones are no joke to deal with and the body changes, the exghustion, the symptoms alone just make you irritable and there isn’t a reason for it other than pregnancy.
Ask her if there’d anything you can do, what she needs, is she tired? Can she take a nap? Take over a chore or two she hates or can’t seem to muster the energy to do? Is she stressed? Worried?
Also know prenatal depression is real as well. People often talk about post partum depression but prenatal depression is often not talked about enough. Pregnancy is HARD. Even if she doesn’t have major symptoms its not all fun and rainbows and sometimes we genuinely don’t know what’s wrong we just don’t feel like ourselves and we don’t feel good.
Give her some grace. Be the source of comfort and peace.