I’m 19 and I’ve always been ok with hooking up with older guys like 2-4 years older because of daddy issues and grooming or whatever lol. But now I’m hanging out with this 26 yo for a few months like as friends w benefits and my brain is trying to tell me it’s fine but I have like a pit in my stomach whenever I see him. I can’t cum, my pussy dries up like crazy (never had this problem), and I can’t sleep when I’m staying the night. I talked to him a little bit to see what he thinks about the age difference and he totally brushed it off. I really like hanging out with him tho. We share a bunch of the same interests, I think he’s a really nice guy, and I have a fun time! But god I feel so weird and sometimes like I’m being used. Idk.
I just have conflicting emotions about the whole thing and I feel like it’s not that big of a deal but I’m obviously uncomfortable. Ugh idk
6 comments
How to your body says I’m not interested but you don’t understand it.
For me, that age gap is really small, though you will get a variety of perceptions about it.
More important is whatever is going on with you mentally. Did something happen in your own life or maybe in the life of someone close to you who had a bad experience with someone a bit older than them or something? If there is, I’m not asking you to go into it here on Reddit if you’re not comfortable but it might be something worth unpacking with a therapist if that’s an option for you.
I’m not sure what you are worried about. That age gap is very small compared to some couples.
As a general rule, it’s good to listen to what your body is telling you. And right now, your body is shouting at you to not fuck him.
Because honestly, the age gap here IS a concern, and I don’t love that he’s simply brushing it off. It’s not a matter of the size of the number; later in adulthood, a seven year gap is honestly no big deal. But right now, it IS a big deal because you’re young as hell. You’re still very much figuring out what this “adulting” bullshit is like, he’s had a lot more time to get his feet under him. Either you’re in college or just getting started in the workforce; he’s probably a lot more settled into what he wants to be doing with his life. There’s an excellent chance he’s had a lot more experience than you dating as a grown-ass adult.
There’s a legit power differential, and you’re absolutely right to be wary of it.
This isn’t to say that age gap relationships are inherently exploitive, but they can definitely present a lot of risk for it. Navigating them takes some real mindfulness to make sure the younger party isn’t being coerced into anything.
And when you say you sometimes feel like you’re being used, that’s one HELL of a red flag. Can you pin down what precisely is triggering those feelings for you?
I’m sure he’s a lovely fellow; if he weren’t a good hang, I’m sure you never would have gone FWB with him in the first place. But it sounds like your gut feeling is that something is very, very off; maybe it’s the age thing, or maybe it’s something totally unrelated, I have no idea. I strongly recommend listening to what your gut is telling you and pulling back from this relationship, because I think you could get really hurt here.
Maybe that means taking sex off the table until further notice, maybe that means ending the relationship entirely, your call.
Good luck, hon. I hope this goes all right for you.
>but I’m obviously uncomfortable.
Trust your gut. Literally. If you get a feeling in your stomach about this guy, examine that feeling and where it comes from.
You have to be less conscious of your age and your partner’s age. You have to decide if you want LTR or CS.