I told my boyfriend id get a boob job soon. And he flipped, he thought i was joking. He says, he’s fine w my current boobs, and since its sexual thing and he’s the only one that have access to it, I must be doing it for attention. And he’d leave me if I get them. Apparently this isn’t something like a nose job. I had to make sure he wants it or not.
I got so angry, and told him he is disregarding my feelings about my body. He is being insecure and don’t understand bc he doesn’t have boibs. Its not about other people i just dont like it. And its like a nose job or lipjob for me. He insists that since boobs are sexual, its not the same.
How should I approach this? Because i really cant understand
49 comments
You’re free to do it & he’s free to dump you for it. Fake tits look horrible but if you wanna do anything to your body I don’t think you should need someone else’s permission.
Breasts aren’t sex organs, and you don’t need anyone’s permission to alter your body.
Your body your choice
Just be prepared to be single
A partner’s permission isn’t required for body modifications, whether tattoos, boob jobs, you name it. But it’s good to keep them in the loop. You’ve done that much. Not every procedure is agreed with, that’s life, sometimes a partner doesn’t like the new look, the new tattoo, whatever. Of course, your body, your choice always applies but someone who also sees that body on the regular can decide whether they want to live with the results of that choice.
Of course you don’t need his permission.
You have every right to do what you want. And he has every right to not like it.
That’s all there is to it.
Your body your choice
So I treat this the same way I treat things like tattoos or piercings. It is your body. You are free to make whatever choice you want at the end of the day. You have the right to make your boobs bigger, smaller, symmetrical, asymmetrical, whatever you want.
But I also feel you should discuss these things with your partner. While they don’t have control over you, to me it seems common sense to have a level discussion before you schedule it and come back changed. He may be unattracted to larger boobs, or uncomfortable around them, or jealous of the attention you will get, or any of a number of other reasons.
He has made it clear where he stands. Personally? I think he is being creepy and weird about it, barring something extreme like he was assaulted by a woman with large breasts as a child. Especially given that he views other surgeries in a different way.
I say you should go through with the surgery, and if you think the relationship is worth saving, then have a long discussion approaching the “why” question. Sure, the answer can be as simple as “Cause I wanna”, but a deep conversation may convey your point of view, while helping you understand his. I wouldn’t bother, but it is up to you, we really don’t know much about your relationship outside of the worst bit that you are talking about here.
You don’t need his permission, and you did the right thing by bringing it up to him instead of just springing it on him. If he wants to break up over it, that’s his prerogative.
> He is being insecure and don’t understand bc he doesn’t have boibs.
That being said, you should probably do some reflection. You essentially told him he is being insecure because he doesn’t understand your insecurities.
*He insists that since boobs are sexual, its not the same*
Him sexualizing YOUR breasts would take him out of the running for me.
You don’t need his permission and you certainly don’t need him gatekeeping the choices you make as an adult.
You definitely don’t need his permission to get a boob job. That’s a choice for only you to make.
On the flip side, he doesn’t have to stay in the relationship if you do get one. That’s a choice for him to make.
You need to decide whether it’s worth it or not.
It’s your body, you don’t need his permission but if he is someone you can see spending the rest of your life with you definitely should take his opinion into consideration.
At the end of the day it’s up to you, just know that your decision may have consequences in your relationship.
It’s your body. No. You don’t need his permission. He also doesn’t need your permission to break up if he doesn’t like it.
Do what you want and accept that it may come with consequences.
No you don’t I have had 2 boob jobs and both times I would have done it weather my partner wanted me to or not it’s your body to do what you like with for me it was the best thing I ever did for myself honestly!
No! You do not need to ask. Your body, your choice.
If that’s what you want, go for it. But alot of guys prefer natural ones, myself included. So be prepared to be single. It’s one of those things where some people don’t want to be with people who will go under the knife for cosmetic purposes.
It’s not about permission – was he being an asshole by saying you are doing it for attention? Yes.
But he expressed his decision to you – that he’d leave if you do it.
You can do it or not do it but be prepared for the aftermath. Personally, I say go for it.
Take a step back from this argument and ask yourself why you want it.
Can you honestly and truly say that it’s not because boobs are considered sexually attractive (right now in body fashion), and that women are seen as having high social value if many men are sexually attracted to them.
Are you sure that’s not why you want it?
You don’t need anyone’s permission, but of course he is going to care if the underlying reason is that you want more men to find you sexually attractive.
it is your body your choice. you can do whatever you want. but i will have to remind you that it is his choice whether or not to dump you for it.
No need for permission. Your body your choice.
More worrying is the way this argument went though.
>I must be doing it for attention
Your partner’s reason for not agreeing because he is afraid you do it to look better? Like for real? This smells like insecurities.
>and since its sexual thing and he’s the only one that have access to it
Access? Wording is important here, but the way you wrote it here it sounds like you are his ‘property’. Be very careful with people that think like this.
“He’s the only one with access” uhm, what about you?
He is the one having access to them? Okay, very mature said.
No, but seriously OP you have the right to make decisions about your own body. He can have thoughts and opinions, but at the end of the day, it is your say. He doesn’t have to agree with you, and if he makes this the hill to die on, well.. the it is his choice.
He doesn’t have a “permission” to give. If you want to do this, for your own reasons, then do it.
Your body, your autonomy, your agency. Do it if you want to and for whatever reason you want to.
no you do not what so ever.
Honey. You dont need permission to alter your body.
But he can leave you at any time for any reason.
So decide what’s more important to you. Him. Or new boobs.
Permission? No, it’s your body.
Should you be interested in his opinion? Yes.
At the end of the day, it’s your body and your decision.
No you don’t, I did tell my ex I was getting my boobs done and he then wanted to pay for them so if he gets upset just know there are guys out there that would literally do anything to see you happy.
Boobs are considered sexual things only?!
My future babies have a lot to answer for…
It’s good to discuss things with a partner before making a big decision however no one can dictate what the other does with their own body. It’s 100% your decision 1 to get a Bob job, and you don’t need anyone’s permission. Just as you are free to make your choices he is also free to make his so if he decides to leave you afterwards you can’t stop him.You have to choose which one is more important to you.
I’ll just say if someone was willing to leave me due to something like that then I would let them go, or just dump them first.
Holy bananas! People here are being sUuper judgmental.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells you what to do with your body. Full stop.
It’s your body, do what makes you happy and f*ck anyone who says anything else.
Why would he have any say at all over what you do with your body? That is YOUR call to make and only your call. Why are you 27 dating a 24 year old who thinks he can tell you what to do? He sounds not only lame but ignorant.
Why is no one mentioning how icky this is? “It’s a sexual thing”, “he’s the only that have access to it”, “I must be doing it for attention”, etc. Your boyfriend is a walking red flag, OP.
It’s your body, you do what u want. Go ahead and have it done. If he dumps you then it’s no big loss, he sounds like a misogynist prick
I am sorry for the way your boyfriend treated you and acted towards you. I do not think it was okay at all.
I understand if a partner might be concerned if their significant other chooses to go for a cosmetic surgery. They may be worried this is done for the wrong reasons (insecurities, not having a well-established self-esteem, not loving themselves…) and it’s okay to show that concern, but in a respectful and calm manner, not in the way your boyfriend reacted. Plus, he acted authoritative towards you, as if he owned you and he got to decide.
Ultimately this is entirely up to you. If you want to do it because it’d make you feel better, then go ahead! I do recommend perhaps having a few therapy sessions to establish where this desire is coming from (in the end, a surgery is a surgery and anything can happen!) and if this is really what you want.
Moreover, if I were you, I’d check out of this relationship. Threatening to leave was very immature and your boyfriend doesn’t know how to communicate. I’m sure you will be able to find someone more mature and concerned with your well-being that doesn’t try to control you.
Wishing you the best. x
I think he loves your body the way it is, and I don’t think he wants it to change
Do what makes you feel better
Just go into it knowing a VERY high percentage of men find them unattractive (like your boyfriend) so this won’t be a one time thing
You don’t have to. But I strongly advice you to atleast talk about it.
Just because he and others sexualize breasts doesn’t make them sexual. People get turned on by random parts depending on the time and location. Ankles used to be scandalous. How you feel is the most important. Just be prepared for any fallout. You don’t have to wait for him to leave you. You can end the relationship because you don’t want to be with someone who thinks he has that much control over what you do.
You have to live with yourself much longer than you have to be in this relationship. As long as you’re doing it for healthy reasons, I don’t see an issue. Maybe rely on someone else to care for you after your surgery. I wouldn’t want that energy around while trying to heal. And if you do end up getting more attention from men afterward, he will definitely pull an “I told you so.” If he doesn’t trust you, he shouldn’t be with you.
you don’t need to ask for permission from your partner. he is controlling af and disregarding your feelings.
Your body, your choice
I got it done and it changed my life confidence wise. If you want it, do it.
Well both of you are “right” but he is wrong on 1 thing.
U can do whatever you want about your body, but he can leave if he does not want that.
Also a “normal” BF wouldn’t tell you “I am fine with your boobs” but something like “You don’t need this you are already beautiful blabla”. The way he uses words looks like he just care about his POV.
Boobs are not sexual. They are maternal if anything. If they were sexual, why does that heavyset guy with man-boobs get to go topless in public?
For many, they are an erogenous zone, but so can anywhere else on the body, like armpits, neck, and feet, so again, doesn’t make boobs outright sexual.
If you were married, I’d weigh his opinion a lot more. There should be communication everything should be discussed. Marriage is a compromise, with both sides giving and receiving. So his opinion should carry more weight.
But, a boyfriend? Go get the job done, get a couple tattoos, get some piercings. You can inform him prior or after they are finished, or don’t have to tell him at all and keep it private.
Nope, it’s your choice. He’s wrong, there are lots of reasons to get a boob job that have nothing to do with one’s partner.
A friend of mine lost a ton of weight. She looks amazing and I’m so proud of her, but it completely deflated her boobs so she couldn’t enjoy her new body. One boob job later and she’s happy, as she deserves.
You deserve to be happy with your body too.
No, you don’t need to ask his permission or even his opinion. You don’t need to convince him or change his mind because he only has as much say in the matter as *you* give him.
If he really has an issue with it, he’s free to leave, as he’s already indicated he will do.
If you really want them, I’d go ahead and do it. If he leaves, he leaves. Just be prepared to do the breaking up if he backs down on leaving but then wants to be passive aggressive about it all the time.
Just like you can decide to get the procedure done, he also has the right to breakup with you
Essentially, it goes both ways. Do what makes you feel better and if he leaves, maybe it’s for the best
JFC, these people! How do people get to a place where they think that they can dictate what another person does to their body.
Get your boobs! Rock em loud and proud!! Boobs are awesome and if you feel that yours can be even more awesome in a safe way that will make you happier then it’s a no brainer!
His response is a bit of a red flag tbh