Hi everyone! I could use some advice on this topic as it’s causing me a lot of inner trouble and is affecting my relationship. For context I have been with my wife now for a total of 14 years, and in the last year or so I just find what she often talks about very boring. She loves telling me mundane stories about her work life that I struggle so much at engaging with. In general I’m a very curious person and I love hearing what people have to say and ask probing questions, but with her now if I can tell this is just another conversation we’ve likely already had, or an update on a situation I find extremely boring at this stage, I mentally check out.
I’m wondering if this is normal in relationships that have gone on for as long as it has. I have read a few times on here posts about their partner not listening to them, and I can’t help but relate to the person not listening.
Tdlr: long term relationship and I’m bored of the conversations I have with my wife
4 comments
when you get in a relationship, you will find that at some points, you’re not how you used to be. some people lose their love for their partner and then it comes back, it’s about if you’re willing to stay because you know you love them, not because you feel it strongly.
however you said you’ve mentally checked out and that’s the clearest sign there is. once you’ve checked out, there isn’t much keeping there.
You need to decide if you can find a way to get more engaged with your wife again. Maybe you both need an exciting new hobby, or a really cool vacation, ore something to shake-up that status quo.
If you can’t find a way to engage, then it’s not fair to her to trap her in a relationship where her partner finds her boring.
It’s not “normal” to not like speaking to your spouse overtime. I still love hearing about all the shit that went on at the construction site from my ex. We were together for 13-14 years but I didn’t stop liking him.
I don’t know. Conversations about someone’s work generally are boring though. If you feel like she talks about work too much maybe you could say that? A certain amount is reasonable with your spouse (especially if she’s struggling with something) but all the time might be a bit much.
If it’s something she’s already told you about I’d say that in the moment (we already talked about this and I’m kind of over the subject..can we talk about something else?)
You also might want to just start initiating conversations with her that you do want to have. Or say you feel your conversations are getting a bit repetitive and you’d like to try something else like idk there are card packs you can get with convo topics. Or maybe you guys need to actually do more stuff together so you have things you’ve done together you can talk about?