(repost bc i accidentally deleted the other one)
For context: for the past two-ish years, I had a weird relationship with my bestfriend (Let’s call him Eric). I was going through a toxic breakup and dealing with my mental health but he had a crush on me that last from December 2021 to March 2022. He ended up ghosting me for a bit to clear up his feelings and we stayed friends despite the feelings on his side. (Also, we are both gay dudes so sexuality is not the problem here.)
After that, I realized I did like him but I kept my mouth shut since I valued our friendship way too much to do anything like that. The next school year started and we had weird flirty chemistry but again, I brushed it off. Eric is very touchy with everyone and just super physically affectionate dude so I really tried not to let it feed whatever weird fantasy feelings I was struggling with.
In October-November, I learnt that he was dating Jay (15m). I was really happy for him (obivously. he’s still my best friend) but I couldn’t help but feel a little sick because of jealousy. I never voiced this to him.
Over the past few months, I’ve struggled with feelings coming in and out in waves since the feeling of love I have for Eric is a mix of strong platonic love and romantic love. It’s not butterflies or anything like that. Jay is one of the best guys I’ve ever met. He is super funny, awesome, smart and fits perfectly with Eric’s personality. I’m often left thirdwheeling which annoys everyone but I can’t help but feel jealous for two reasons. One is I’m still obsessed with the what if we had dated when Eric liked me and the other is I’ve never had a healthy relationship.
I don’t want to confess. I don’t want to try and sabotage their relationship in anyway. I’ve been cheated on and I would never do that to someone. Plus, I know Eric would never like me back, he’s head over heels for Jay and it’s very cute. I just want some advice in how to healthy remove all feelings like this.
My feelings aren’t super strong but it’s enough for me to feel guilty whenever I catch my thougths wondering. I’ve confided in a few friends but never anything serious out of fear of Jay hearing and thinking that I’m trying to steal Eric away.
TL:DR: I have varying feelings for my bestfriend who is a happy and healthy relationship with someone I respect and admire as a friend. I do not want to confess or date my friend, only seeking advice to help get over him.
1 comment
Yeah you shouldn’t confess and you should distance yourself. Focus on other people in your life for a bit.
Also, the next time you get a shot with someone you like: freaking just go for it man. You’re not “ruining the friendship” sitting around stewing in your feelings is what will ruin the friendship. Being salty over his boyfriend will ruin the friendship. Be honest about how you feel and shoot your shot while you can.