After 6 months of dating, I chose to end the relationship with my ex (M,37) as I felt it was going nowhere. We met again and I am concerned. He said he needed time and space to re-discover how to find his purpose and happiness in life again. He did go through some major negative life events in the last 3 years. How can I help him as a friend ?
Edit: I actually disappeared and he reached out to me after 6 weeks, asking me out to dinner and chat. I asked for clarity from him and as a result, we will remain as friends as I don’t do short term, FWB ..”situationship” type. Thank you all for your advice – all valid.
15 comments
If I were him, I wouldn’t want to be associating with ex during this time.
Give him space, let him initiate with you.
>How can I help my ex-boyfriend to re-discover joy and purpose in life ?
You don’t.
Like others said, as an ex you might trigger bad/negative memories, so while your intentions might be honourable, the result probably won’t. Since you already saw him once and you guys seem to be in contact, at the very least ask him beforehand if he wants your help. If he says no (and you still genuinely care), at most say “you can call me at anytime if you need me”, then disappear.
But yeah, give him space, let him contact you.
1) give him childeren and a happy marriage
Or
2) leave him alone, and suggest therapy.
Leave the poor guy alone. He’s 37 and his best days are ahead. Your help isn’t helping.
I don’t know how old you are, but I am willing to bet that he means is: “I am looking for someone younger”
You are not a friend, you are a trigger. Leave him be
You dumped him and you’re still trying to control his life. Leave him alone.
He told you. Give him time and space to do what he needs to do. You’re his ex, not his therapist.
Leave the poor guy alone – you’ve done enough damage, you don’t need to go dragging it on.
Don’t.
As much as you don’t like it you come with negative emotions now so having you trying to be his friend will ultimately hurt him more.
huh? As an ex, you have no responsibilities here, that’s what it means to be an ex. see also:*Boundaries*
He literally gave you the answer but apparently that’s not good enough….
Given the text you wrote this is less about him and more about your arrogance. Why do you think you’re going to “save him”? Are you expecting “friend of the year” or a “ticker tape” parade when you succeed?
You don’t. You’re not his friend, you’re his Ex.
Get him into therapy.
Why do you even care? You dumped him.