What is it like growing older with someone?

12 comments

1. Fun, comfortable, relaxing

2. Comforting, safe, fulfilling.

   I met my husband in 6th grade. Started dating at 20, married at 27, and still together with a little boy at 34.

   It’s amazing to see how you grow and mature, both separately and as a couple .

3. So far (1990 to today) it is pretty darn amazing!! We know our history and discuss our future with awareness of things we’ve been through over three decades.

   We revel in the knowledge of the importance we play in the lives of one another and how we can be there to truly support & encourage the other.

   When life storms, we take shelter in one another. When there are rainbows and sunshine we delight in the warmth and joy.

   Trust isn’t something I even think about in the active way I did the first few years, I simply relax in it. We have very real, very raw conversations because it’s always rooted in love. Even when we are upset or unhappy, we don’t throw barbs. I honestly cannot recall anything my husband has ever said, when he’s absolutely exhausted or frustrated or scared-that made me feel unsafe, unloved or question our ability to resolve together.

   He’s someone I love beyond description and my pride and delight in being his wife is greater over time. The amazing love I thought I had on my wedding day is but a drop compared to the vast ocean of love that washes over, through and around me now.

   We can talk in shorthand, we enjoy companionable silence and we can talk for hours and never run out of things to say. He’s the best, most honest, decent, sexy, kind, helpful, gorgeous and funny man I have ever known. He causes me to want to be my very best version of who I am each day. He tells me I inspire him.

   Our children have learned how to be strong, confident men who can share their feelings without feeling weak or less than. They have always been able to count on us being strong and loving in our responses to them, we are united in our consequences and they didn’t know drama or manipulation in our home.

   Growing older with my husband has been a dream come true. Where he’s better each day and I thank my lucky stars for finding one another and recognizing what we have is special, rare and worth preserving. Being head over heels at 55 with the same man I laid eyes on 34 years ago & declared I was going to marry him is truly the greatest gift I ever gave myself.

   Growing older with him is a priceless treasure. There is nothing I’d trade for our marriage.

4. It’s amazing actually, we got together at 20 and now we are 34. We are so different from back then that it seems like we are completely different people. We had so much fun together, we had rough patches, we grew as individuals but as a couple as well. These days we are more similar than different. We still have our own personalities and activities we do it solo, but sometimes it seems like we merged into one person. We complete eachother sentences, we sometimes communicate only by looking at eachother… we are eachothers best friends, and we always prefer eachothers company… it’s cool to see that difference…we have a side of ourselves that nobody knows, where we can be vulnerable, where we can talk about things that we would never talk about it with nobody else, we support eachother, we laugh together… it’s cool…

5. There are already good answers here so I will just add it’s nice to be completely comfortable/relaxed next to them even in complete silence. When I was in my early 20s, I was traveling into my parents’ city from my university and I happened to take the same train as this older couple. I could tell the older couple needed help with navigating the train system so I asked them where they were headed. As cliche as it sounds, my stop was the one before theirs so we rode in the same train car together. After very small chit chat, we became silent. Being very young at that point in my life, I was surprised that this couple didn’t talk to each other as much as my bf and I did.

   Almost 15 years later, I am still with my bf though he’s now husband and I understand now when older couples don’t talk as much as younger couples do. They already spent so much time together and are at peace with each other. It’s nice to take in the silence with someone you genuinely care about and vice versa.

6. There is a sense of trust that comes through facing the good and the bad together. We’ve been married 30 years and we’ve been through birth and death, job loss, unexpected good fortune, unexpected bad luck. My husband can sometimes be a jerk about some things, like making an insensitive remark or leaving clutter all over the house. But I 100% trust him to do the right thing when it counts. I also think about the inevitable, that one of us will have to carry on without the other. These lyrics from Jason Isbell’s “Vampires“ hit me like a ton of bricks.

   “It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever

   Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone

   Maybe we’ll get forty years together

   But one day I’ll be gone

   Or one day you’ll be gone”

7. For the first 50 years it’s not bad. After that you start to get on each other’s nerves.

8. Normal and depressing

9. I’m going to take this post from a friendship standpoint since that’s my someone. I couldn’t imagine my life with my 2 someones. It makes me so happy and proud to see them grow more into themselves every year. My 2 someones feel like home. It nice to know someone has my back just like I have theirs.

10. So far it’s pretty exciting. We met when we were teenagers and are nearing 40 now. We have 3 small kids and our lives are super hectic with kids, activities, and work. We’ve grown so much together and, fortunately, in the same direction. I’m one of those worst case scenario people and have realized that I’d probably just be alone the rest of my life if something happened to him because there’s nobody who could know me like he does and love me like he does. We’re so comfortable together sitting and talking. He’s helped me grow as a person, gives advice for my career (he’s a few years ahead in a similar career). He’s my safety, he’s my love, and he’s my best friend.

11. So safe and comforting. We’ve been together over 20 years and he’s my best friend. It doesn’t feel like it’s been this long and we just know each other so well. We have adventure and fun and can also chill and do nothing side by side, and he knows everything about me and loves me like crazy, and vice versa.

12. My spouse and I have been best friends most of our lives (long before we got together romantically) and met when we were 8. We really deeply know each other. Which, yes, sounds kind of scary but it’s actually really lovely to love and be loved for who you are, bad habits, trauma, strange hobbies and all.

    From a more practical point of view what I find attractive has grown and changed as we age. I love his grey beard and older features, even though a nearly 40 year old would not have been attractive to me in my 20s. It is safe, familiar and fun. We can take risks because we really trust each other and know each other in a very deep and intimate way. I think he knows me better than I know myself some days and that goes both ways.

    We also have a lot of shared history, obviously, but there’s still new stuff too. New perspectives. As we grow up and age our opinions and experiences change and that’s interesting too. It’s pretty great.