This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
This post will be moderated, so if you see something breaking \[our rules\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/rules)), please report it.
20 comments
After deleting my dating apps, I decided I needed a break from proper dating and took up an offer (which I discuss in previous comments) from my two male bisexual gym friends who are in a committed relationship to be a third partner since they have each missed being with a woman. We met last night to discuss every nuance and conditions of the situation, and what it comes down to is I’m essentially in a monogam-ish relationship with two men who are a package deal. When we date, we will always be on a date together. The reason this makes sense for me in my life right now is that I want a safe, consistent relationship with connection and any desires met.
After dinner, we decided to explore our first time together in the bedroom. I told them that I was curious to see what they enjoyed and they also wanted to explore with me since each had not been with a woman since their respective last girlfriends before meeting one another. It’s been a long while since I felt like everything was transparently vocalized before getting physical, and it was bliss. Above all, I feel spoiled being with two incredibly fit, muscular and handsome men who are well-groomed and packing nicely. It was also a pleasure to see them both excitedly having fun with a woman on top of them for the first time in several years.
It was a new experience, but something I’m looking forward to exploring more. Will keep everyone posted as the journey begins…
I sent a “not interested” text to a guy I went on a date with on Sunday and he took it well.
The date was nice but I got the vibe that he was a bit of a boundary pusher and had somewhat misogynistic leanings. He used the term “females” once and seemed to think men are slaves to their testosterone levels. I decided I’d rather not stick around for more.
I have a lunch date on Saturday with a guy I’ve been talking to for a bit, the guy I’ve been casually seeing is coming to my show tonight, and I have a couple other promising conversations going right now.
Couple of weeks ago I was drunk, bored (and horny) on a Friday night and decided to go back on Feeld (never met anyone from it before, usually just swipe but don’t follow through). Matched with a v cute guy and we hit it off so arranged to meet the next day. Met for a drink and went to his and had lots of v good sex. He was honest about just wanting to have fun at the moment as he’d recently come out of a relationship (3 months but only official for 2 weeks before he decided they weren’t compatible). Had a fun time and assumed I wouldn’t hear from him again, but the next day he invited me to come over again that evening. So I did, we had more great sex and he asked me to sleep over. Fast forward another 1.5 weeks and I’ve stayed over another 2 times. We have incredible sex but also talk, laugh and cuddle after.
Of course I’m catching feels. We get on really well, he’s funny and has these sweet quirks that make him really endearing.
I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him where my head’s at, since it’s better to know now if he’s definitely not open to more? Or do I wait longer, which risks getting more attached but gives the situation longer to play out? Or do I just run away now because he said casual from the start and I shouldn’t have been using feeld in the first place when I know deep down I’m looking for something meaningful.
For context, of my three long term relationships, two started with a one night stand and one started as a situationship that progressed so sadly for me I get hopeful in these situations!
Someone who I met OLD, went on one date with, and exchanged numbers with, and who I’m due but have not yet done on a second date with, has asked for my instagram (don’t even know how to respond to that). They’ve since followed me on twitter and sent me a friend request on Facebook.
It’s left me in a really really awkward position because I was honestly on the fence about a second date but thought that was good enough a reason to give a second date ago. I wasn’t clear about how I was feeling and often a second date can help with that. I’ve since felt that I don’t really want to go on another date due to some of the behaviours she’s exhibited (such as the social media stuff) and kinda regret my decision, but feel I ought to honour the commitment I’ve already made.
Unfortunately our schedules haven’t aligned so by time the second date comes around this Saturday, it will have been just under three weeks since our first. She’s messaged me quite a bit since then, and I’ve replied every time (although I haven’t always been fast to respond) because I’m polite and that’s what I do, but now I worry I’ve led her on. The messages have been far from flirty, just functional getting-to-know you type texts.
This specific dating experience has just left me so tired…
I’m unsure how to deal with feelings of jealousy in comparing a friend’s experience on dating apps to mine. They’ve recently got back onto the dating apps after their divorce and have already had more matches and dates (beyond 3rd dates) than I’ve had in the past year. I am extremely happy for them, but can’t help but compare myself.
Hopefully someone can relate to this. I’m still working through it so don’t have the “right” way figured out.
Why is hinge the only app i get any sort of “success” in? I have close to 90 matches on hinge while on tinder i have 0. I’ve tried bumble in the past and that was a barren wasteland.
I’m rapidly reaching dating saturation. This shit is exhausting and it eats into all my spare time during a hectic work period. Training sucked again this week because I didn’t meal prep properly. The dude last weekend overstayed even after I told him that Sunday afternoons are non-negotiable for meal prep and getting ready for the week. I have a date set up with someone tomorrow that seems really promising but again, it means I won’t be able to train tomorrow. A situationship for last year year is back in town and wants to meet on Tuesday. Again, means I can’t train – coming right after I have a 2x 3-hour air commute for a full day project meeting on Monday, which again, fucks with training. Then I have friends visiting for a full week before I head off for a week of fieldwork. I’m hungry and stressed right now, so that’s impacting my mood, but I really don’t think I want to date or be in a relationship. Work, hanging out with my dog and getting yoked are all that I have energy for.
Post Breakup Confusion
Sooooo… after a year together my former GF (38) broke up with me (39m) because her need for safety and security was not being met (confused by this). She says she doesn’t feel settled around me enough to let down her guard. This is interesting because I’ve traveled out of country to foreign places we have both never been and let me take the lead.
We agreed to end things and I’ll work on being a friend to her.
Confusing part… we text all day, talk all night on the phone and she hasn’t taken intimacy off the table. She seeks me out and makes contact with me. All while making comments about my next gf and asking if I’m going to go out and be a whore now. This past week however she has put up more physical walls while still kissing me all while refusing to verbalize why.
I know she has an avoidant attachment style, so I don’t want to make a permanent decision that I can’t take back. I truly love her and do not want to abandon her after knowing each other for nearly 20 years.
I believe we can work through anything if we spend the time get there, but she’s in fight or flight constantly and I don’t know how to help her feel settled with me.
I don’t want to quit and walk away especially when it comes to someone I unconditionally love.
I feel like I have missed out on so much of life, especially enjoyable sexual experiences, because I was overweight and depressed for my entire 20s. Now that I have lost 100lbs and am in good shape I have no idea how to find a woman/women to have a sexual relationship with. I see a lot of people posting here about fun encounters they have had and I just want to know, how??
I’m a guy so I know it’s harder to accomplish, and I’m not super tall or attractive. I ultimately want a real relationship but at this point I really just want to have sex. It’s been nearly 3 years and I badly need intimacy in my life. Sorry if this comes across as creepy or gross.
I am such a bad dater. I got hinge again recently and set up about 5 first dates over the next 10 days. I had my first first date yesterday. It was my first date in six-ish months, I was a bit nervous, and honestly didn’t have much to talk about bc my life is all work lately. I felt like I was way too boring. After about 10 minutes of sitting down she mentioned she was only going to have one drink and I just thought “wow I must have made the worst first impression ever.” She did end up ordering another drink when the waiter came around (she was like “I’ll get another one if you will”, and we did) and we did talk for two hours so I guess it was fine overall. But I tried to start a convo today and got the coldest response.
So tempted to delete the app and just work on myself a bit longer. IMO I need to become at least a little more interesting to help with my self-confidence.
For context, I actually have had decent success with OLD over the the five years or so I’ve been on it (a few short relationships, plenty of hookups), I don’t know why my self confidence is just trash now.
At what point in your relationship do you discuss or consider living together? How long are you willing to be in a serious relationship and live apart?
50+ likes
Filters for “doesn’t have or want children”
0 likes in 50 km
Well… at least I’m no longer considered hideous but that’s not much of a consolation prize.
Okay I really need to know what others think of this conversation. I have an Android. She has an iPhone so no FaceTime. Of course we could use any other manner of video chat but we’re having a playful convo about not giving up on our respective devices. After saying I have to get an iPhone if we continue to date, she wigs out when I tell her I use my iPad touch for FaceTime if needed. Her response is “that makes me nervous” because it “makes it real” and means “you really like me”. So I say well do you not want to FaceTime then? She apologizes and says she didn’t think I’d actually attempt to access an iPhone. Basically it was easy for her to say that knowing I have an Android. I don’t know what to make of this. It feels like something you deal with as a teenager, not full grown adults. Why are people so immature?
My partners (formerly nicknamed YG) bday is coming up and I made a crossword puzzle that’s personal to him, and us. Solving it will lead to a simple anagram that will unlock a next set of 3 clues, where each clue will lead you to a hidden ticket around the house. And you need a ticket to redeem each present. I also want to give him a gag gift first … before giving him the crossword. I really hope he enjoys it. I love putting lots of thought and effort into presents. But for a long time I didn’t feel like I had anyone to give gifts to… so this is exciting for me.
I’m supposed to have a happy hour date this evening. We’ve been on and off chatting for a couple weeks and it’ll be our first time meeting in person. We were having some good conversations, and making little jokes and stuff, then all of a sudden a couple days ago he started to send me really horny weird texts? Super strange because that’s not at all the conversations we were having previously. We both said we’re looking for casual and we met on Feeld (if you don’t know what it is, its the “open-minded dating app” that’s pretty sex-positive and queer positive and apparently a good place for ENM people to meet, although not everyone uses it that way), but like, do you not have anything else to say to me aside from dumb horny stuff? He might be joking and I’m just not understanding his tone, but I’m considering cancelling the date. If anyone’s reading this, what would you do? Here’s an example of a conversation we had this morning:
Him: you should wear a schoolgirl outfit to the bar
me: absolutely not
Him: so no short skirt with the booty semi-showing? 🙁
(I am annoyed)
Why is it that when I read posts on here I can immediately tell that they met on OLD without them explicitly saying so?
Odd question for the ladies: is The Dude from “The Big Lebowski” dateable? He’s emotionally available, is fun, has a strong social network, is caring, and is invested in his hobbies… But also doesn’t have long term goals or ambitions.
What do you think?
Don’t mind me, I’m just over here crowning myself Queen of Staring At My Phone Waiting For Him To Text Back.
I re-read our convo from a long time ago. Those messages make me cry and anxious.
I have a question for all of you: let’s say you are dating a person X.
X is perfect but you know that X is friends with people with whom he/she hooked up in the past.
X never cheated to your knowledge, so would you be okay with him/her hanging out alone with ex partners? Or would you want him/her to cut all contact with them?