I asked a guy for drinks and we went on a first date. The date went well and at the end of it when we were saying goodbye I wished him well for the trip he mentioned was going on. He responded that wasn’t going on the trip for another two weeks and that he’d be around.
That night he texted me “it was great meeting you! hope you got home safe.” I have DND on my phone so I didn’t see it until the morning so I responded “you as well! had a great evening :)”
It’s been two days and no texts from him at all. We established early that we’re both not big texters. I thought his earlier text showed interest and he would ask me on a second date. I personally don’t want to ask him out again bcs I initiated the first one.
I was thinking of striking up a conversation but not mentioning a second date. Or should I just let things be and if he’s interested he’ll reach out?
Is it possible he changed his mind?
29 comments
I would just rip the band aid and text him asking him when he’s free for a 2nd date! If you’re both not big texters then someone has to make the move. I get it’s nice for the other person to initiate, but if you take control of the situ then your head will thank you for taking the chance, and if it doesn’t go the way you want then you can move on whilst it’s early enough and live your best dating life!
I feel since you asked for the first date he should follow up and initiate the second. But he may no be the type of person to do that, maybe he’s very passive. If you’re okay with being the one to reach out and probably plan the second date too, go for it. Not my style but to each their own.
I would normally say don’t text and wait him to match your effort, but he did text and you kind of shut the communication down with your response. So if you want text him about something that reminded you of him or whatever you’d normally share with someone you care about, but don’t initiate the date per se, perhaps.
The facts say you’re both bad at texting (self-admittedly) and this will factor into this. From personal experience that can mean long periods of silence for a variety of reasons. I don’t think it doesn’t show interest if you initiate and he accepts (I‘ve been told guys don’t always appreciate the pressure of the gender norms in dating). Maybe you can discuss (in a light hearted way) your preferences for communication on the next date and see if you jive? It’s all about communication, and just remember your reasons for being a self described “bad texter ” can be totally different to his reason for being a self described “bad texter “
He’s not interested, was just being polite
Lol if you want to see hime again then tell him. Nothing will come from doing nothing.
I personally would not. You asked him out the first time. Let him do it if he’s interested. You don’t want to get into some situation where you’re doing all the pursuing. That’s no fun. In my personal experiences the more i do, the less they do.
I’d say text him and just ask if he wants to meet again. And follow with date and time when you’re free if he simply replies “yes” without any suggestions. If after this he won’t make any effort to establish a second date, just move on.
From a personal experience, as a woman, if I messaged a guy first on a dating app or asked him on a date, men somehow assumed that all the initiative belongs to me now. I’m all for being proactive in relationship, even early dating stages, but only if I get the same effort in return. Men who want to switch gender roles and act like a stereotypical princess that need to be won are not for me.
If he hasn’t reached out at all in 2 days it doesn’t sound like he’s interested. That’s what I do sometimes. But there’s no harm in reaching out at all.
I’d reach out because even if he doesn’t respond back at least now you know for sure he’s not interested instead of wondering.
If u had a good time and wanna see him again just ask. Don’t overcomplicate things.
You’re overthinking this. Just text him.
I think he was just being polite with that text. It was likely intentional for him to say, nice to meet you, I hope you got home safe, but NO mention of seeing each other again. Probably best to move on, but at least you got to spend time getting to know someone new!
Also, I highly recommend that women do not ask men out early on, unless you’re into passive & low effort dates…and doing all of the organizing & planning.
I would not waste time on an exhausting “not a big texter won’t initiate dates” type of guy. How would anyone be able to gauge interest or continue to get to know someone without texting/phone calls in between dates?
One final text one final time and if he doesn’t take initiate move on: “Hey <name>! Hope your week is going well! I had a great time the other night. If you’d like to go on a second date I am free on <X or X Day>.”
First text, second text, no response, move on.
Wait and see.
Just chill.
Don’t do it!
If you chase him to get him, you’ll chase him to keep him. In other words, if you establish a status quo which involves you initiating all dates and all contact, don’t expect things to change in the relationship. Strive for mutuality.
I feel like we’re too old to be playing games and beating around the bush… if you message him and he is turned off by that, would you actually want a partner that would react that way?
I’m the same way girl like I need to know what is going on what are your intentions with me if I like you because he wants to waste time?! I would not ask about a second date, but definitely initiate some kind of conversation to give him the opportunity and if he doesn’t maybe that’s your answer unfortunately 🫶🏼
He’s probably not interested. Men don’t expect women to do all the asking. You already took all the initiative for the first date. He’s well aware that if he wants to see you again he would need to plan the second date. I would wait and see if he reaches out.
If you don’t mind pursuing a man then just text him 🤷🏼♀️ if you’re bothered by it now, it won’t get better and it is going to continue to bother you. You should never have to wonder about how someone feels about you or if they’re sure about you. There are plenty of men out there who would pursue you. Find your match. I’ve done this in the past and it’s exhausting and frustrating and leads nowhere. Some people like to have pen pals. It boosts their confidence while they’re enjoying other activities, without you.
If he wanted to, he would.
Some of these people here will have you set up for failure. Most guys don’t get asked out like that and so even if he’s not interested, he might say yes especially if he wants to kill time between dates. You can text him just to continue the conversation again, but don’t ask him out again.
It’s been two days already and we are approaching the weekend. Wait a couple more days and you will know the answer if he is really interested or not. No need to reach out imo.
In addition, I can’t tell you how many times I received a text from a girl telling me she had a good time and then never heard from her again.
I think him not being a “big texter” is besides the point. If he was interested in seeing you again, he would have asked you out. You already asked him out the first time, and you can’t be expected to do all the legwork. I would wait a week, and then send him a text saying something playful like “hey stranger”. If he’s been really busy and hasn’t had a chance to reply, this will poke him to reply and maybe ask you out.
No response is a response. 🥶
you were the one that asked him out first for drinks and now 2 days have passed without communication…
honestly, if he really wanted to he would’ve by now.
your brain is trying to rationalize his actions (or lack thereof) to being a “bad texter” but it’s most likely a simple explanation of: he was being polite/nice and isn’t THAT interested.
the sooner you accept this, the better — so you can move on and find someone who is more…enthusiastic about being with you.
if you really want ‘confirmation’ or closure you can reach out to him for a 2nd date, but keep in mind you’re the one having to initiate everything so far. do you really want to entangle yourself and invest more time and energy on him??
I think you deserve someone who is eager to ask you out, puts in effort to plan dates, and is excited to talk & see you.
personally, i wouldn’t settle for just a lukewarm connection, but to each their own
A lot of mind readers and game players giving you advice to sit and wait. That’s a a bunch off bullshit. If you liked him and you want to see him again, tell him so. Use your words to ask for what you want. Don’t play games or assume.
Worst case scenario, he says no!
Don’t text or call him. You’ve done your part as a lady by initiating the first date. If you don’t get texts or calls please move on.
You are way overthinking this. Just text him. You’ll have your answer way faster that way!