Is this financial abuse, or just a case of bad financial management? (Me : 29M, Her 30F).

I am a 29 Y.O male, partner is 30 Y.O female. Been together 4 years. I have posted in this group previously, and if you read my old post, you can probably see that I struggle with allowing my partner to get away with treating me badly at times. I never saw a healthy relationship growing up, mother and father both single and bounced around a lot. Since my last post, my partner has been diagnosed with something called PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoria disorder).

I believe this can explain some of the irrational outbursts and very hurtful things she says (once again I make reasons why it is okay to talk to me like this). Although I still wish a sincere apology would be there at some point. And I understand it still cannot excuse everything but I have forgiven her for everything.

I was warned by this group, and also a relationship psychologist (I saw one on this groups advice) that my partners actions would soon escalate and the psych was genuinely surprised that there was no “financial abuse”. I found this funny because I thought “how could I let it get that far..l would never let that happen to me.” “She is a good person and would never just cross that line.”

Well, here I am….My situation I would love your input on, is this : my partner won a lawsuit two years ago, she got around 200K. We each put 35k into a piece of land together with hopes to pay it off together. We went variable interest rates, and Australia has just seen the worse interest rise in history (our repayments tripled just to pay off the interest).

My partner spent her remaining 165k on random purchases, gold rings, clothing, Uber eats, cosmetic surgery ect.

I must admit, throughout this time, it was a red flag. Watching someone burn through a life changing amount of money on basically nothing, really hurts when you come from nothing. But alas, it was her money and her choices so I let her go (the occasional advice to slow down didn’t do much).

Now, fast forward 2 years, she is 9k in credit card debt, has not made repayments in 4 months and I am paying for her petrol, insurance, repayments and other costs. She gets a full time wage from her job that is actually better than mine, yet I am shouldering the financial weight of everything.

I honestly do not know where her money goes but there is no effort to explain to me why I am left alone or when things will change.

Something that has started to hurt me, is we will go out to dinners or events, and there is never even a question regarding split bills or orders, she will order very expensive items and when it’s time to pay – it just defaults to me. This sounds whingy, but it hurts me on a deeper level than financial, probably because she is literally earning more than me yet I feel like a human credit card with no regard for the financial burden I have been made to carry that we should carry together.

Our only conversation about money went like this :
M “interest rates went up again ect, ect”
F “should we be worried about finances?l
M “well, I’ve been trying to hide the stress, but I do want to tell you how much it has..“
F “you can’t seriously be about to cry…ARE U SERIOUS..Oh my god.”
M “what’s wrong with me crying, I’m trying to express myself”
F “I came to you for reassurance and you cry…”
F “you are just the bread winner now. That’s just how it is.”

TLDR/
I feel like I am not being heard, appreciated, and our future and home is now my sole responsibility, due to her spending 200k on dumb stuff, going into 9k CC debt all whilst earning more than me. I feel I am building while she is spending and we are meant to be a team. What would your next steps be ? Given my history, is this a progression of behaviour along the same path or can it be viewed differently from previous issues ?