So basically I asked a girl a few days ago when she was free this week so we could plan something. She never answered and 4 days after we didn’t text at all because I left it in her court, she got mad saying I didn’t pursue her enough.
Wtf kinda childish game is this that I’m dealing with? Why am I expected to bother someone more that can’t answer me? How does that make sense?
43 comments
Bullet dodged.
Minefield these days.
What a dichotomy: you don’t want to be pushy and look like a creep but now you’re supposed to double text and “pursue?” How the hell do you electronically pursue without being labeled a stalker?
Some folk are just straight up weird bro
It doesn’t make sense, and at least you’re not wasting time with her, imagine being with someone who doesn’t value communication.
She ghosted you and then got upset because you didn’t react to it. In her mind its like “Wtf why is he not doing more”
> She never answered and 4 days after we didn’t text at all because I left it in her court, she got mad saying I didn’t pursue her enough.
She tried to play games that she’s good at, and you refused to play. Now she’s mad that you didn’t play her game.
People who play games are a huge turnoff.
She sounds fun
You’re gonna run into all kinds of weird shit out here in the dating scene so get used to it and just let it slide off you, find the humour in it and if a girl’s acting weird like that just move on if you’re not trying to deal with that, maybe she just wanted you to give her attention.
Like others have said…you dodged a bullet. You’re not supposed to be a mind reader. Think about what things are going to be like 6 months down the road when you ‘shouldve known’ what restaurant she wanted to go to for dinner.
Women tell you what they want. Girls play games.
She thinks she’s the absolute shit so she expected more.
If you know there’s games being played why are you giving this situation any further thoughts?
If you pursue women it will turn them off. The guys they’re most attracted to are the ones they pursue themselves. When dealing with women, act like a talent scout. Let them know you exist, and you’re interested, and if they’d like to pursue things further, they have your name and contact info. Leave it there. If they like you they’ll hit you up, if they don’t, they won’t. If they want to play games, they wont hit you up. If they’re serious, they will. It’s a great filter against bullshit.
If these issues are coming up before you two are even an item, there’s a good chance that there’s a lot more chaos involved in the long term. Cut your losses while you can and run for the hills. Childish games shouldn’t be played by anyone.
Just sounds like an early red flag. I would duck out
She sounds young
It doesn’t make any sense and is a giant red flag. That’s the type of girl who would call you creepy if you tried harder.
Block and unmatch. She aint ready chief.
Games should be left in middle school. If this upsets her then you dodged a bullet. This would be a recurring pattern. When I dated I had one tell me she wasn’t into me and didn’t see us as a couple to which I was fine with. A couple of weeks later she contacts me blowing up that I just let her go without a fight. Too old for that.
Let me guess, she’s like 22?
You did great. Don’t let anyone manipulate you or play mind games with you.
Why did she think it was a good idea not to respond to you.
How were you suppose to know that she was interested or if she ghosted you. Are you suppose to go around **harassing** other girls as the **custom**/norm because when a girl says no all that means is you need to try harder.
Don’t send mix signals, don’t play games.
Only advice is to list what days you can do things instead of just asking when she is free. Mention if you can be flexible with other times not listed. Then ask her if any of that sounds good.
She doesnt know what you are wanting to do. Her availability might differ depending on what you propose.
But yeah, game playing is a no go for me also.
Bullet dodged. Without sounding harsh – I think you may have been an Option 2 for the week and Option One finally fell through. She told you she is a gamer player. Listen to her.
It is very immature. I was talking to a girl a few years back, she was 36 and I was 34 at the time. Things were going great until her dog died. I expressed great sympathy for her, but she ghosted me for 4 weeks. During those 4 weeks I spent maybe a week sending her messages, but after 5 days of no reply, I took that as a hint and stopped sending anything. Well several weeks later she finally contacts me again and just goes off on me. Very angry. I abandoned her, She needed me, I refused to talk to her. etc. etc. Basically, she expected me to send her reaffirming messages of support, and all that to her, all hours of the day, every day, without any sort of contact back from her. She was super upset I didn’t “support” her. That should have been red flag #1 to get rid of her but I didn’t. Took me another year to finally get rid of her. That’s a story for another time lol
Women who do stuff like that, I refuse to even let in my life anymore. I don’t play the “pursue me” game. If I ask you out, you say no, Ill give it 1 more shot. You say no a second time, Im out. thats it. Had another girl get upset at me because she wanted me to chase her, said if I would of asked 5 more times she would have given in.
Dear Women of reddit: Please don’t do this. its a major turn off.
Date and time and place! That pleases her.
If you do what you did, you didn’t pursue her enough. But if you had texted her any more than that to see what was up, you’d have been a stalker or whatever and that would be her excuse for being mad. It’s one of those games you can’t win, sorry.
She’s mad because the game she is used to playing this with other men was not being played by you. She was in the game all alone this time. IMO, anyone who plays immature childish games like this, no matter how attractive they are, are not worth your time because it most certainly will not be the last game she plays.
The scary thing about this for her, is that she’s inadvertently selecting for men who will push on her boundaries. And there’s a good chance that one day, this toxic behavior will put her in danger.
You tried setting something up. She basically rejected you by ghosting you, and you respected that rejection and moved on. And now she’s upset because you didn’t try to force your presense in her life. And it’s terrifying to imagine what will happen when she does come across a guy who is willing to push her boundaries and force himself into her life.
She did you a favor. Move on and find someone who doesn’t play games. It’s really hard to find someone who is straightforward these days.
There has to be some mutual effort to get things going. If she doesn’t reach out or respond, that’s enough of an answer in itself. It feels like crap but its the truth.
I screwed up one recently because I got caught up with work and personal stuff and stopped initiating. She didn’t initiate either when I stopped, and as time went off I just told myself she must not be interested. At some point I wanted to start initiating again, but it was too late and just came off weird because too much time had passed.
People make a lot of assumptions behind text, so try to be clear and to the point with your intentions instead of playing into the bs
If someone can’t even be bothered to tell you when they’re free for a date, they certainly won’t put effort into a relationship.
She wasn’t that interested she prolly just likes guys chasing her. Also you make the date don’t leave it up to the women, tell her when you want to see her. The results will be the same anyways, if she likes you she will make time. If not she will say she’s busy.
Problems hit the gym they all workout.
Very immature and childish from her. You didn’t do anything wrong, nothing is special about her, she’s just acting like a dunce.
Avoid her. Problem solved.
To me if a woman plays ‘hard to get’ she’s gonna be ‘hard to want’.
1. How old is she?
2. I would have done the same thing. 98% of the time I refuse to send another text if they haven’t responded from my text. Unless we have been dating a good while I’ll see if something happened but especially when y’all haven’t even met yet…not worth your time
You did nothing wrong, you were mature and did the right thing by leaving it in her court. Most sane adults take a lack of communication as either A, being super busy or B, lack of interest. What did she expect you to do? Double text her everyday until she responds? Playing games is really frowned upon at this point so I’m shocked she gets any dates to begin with. You’re good dude, she was being whack. My only tip would be next time when you ask a girl out come up with a time and place then if it doesn’t work out let her decide. For example “hey wanna get drinks Friday say maybe 6?” I’ve just found even making the simplest of plans then adjusting is better than asking if they’re free.
If a guy chases too much he’s considered thirsty and needy
This chick gets mad because the guy didn’t chase enough but gave no indication she wanted that or he was being polite 🤦♂️🤷♂️
Alright, I’m going against the grain here, just a bit.
If you want to go on a date or meetup with someone you offer a set time and date. You specifically tell them, and if they say they aren’t interested, move on. If they say they can’t do that time, you then tell them that they can let you know whenever they are free and replan accordingly. If they never contact you back, they arn’t interested.
Don’t tell someone to let you know when they are free right off that bat. You should come in with a set time and date and go from there. It shows you are genuinely interested in the person and want to get the ball rolling. Don’t just say, “Oh let me know whenever you are free!”. People are just going to assume you aren’t super interested this day and age.
It took me a while to swallow this pill and realize you have to make moves if you want to get anywhere, don’t leave things open ended.
I feel like the dating standards are super intense right now, but women are told that a man who’s interested will text them a date, time, place, follow up, and confirm with them the day of. What you did was the sane way to make plans with someone you don’t know haha next time I would just be a little more direct “Hey, would you want to grab dinner Thurs at 7pm at xx place?”.
Not sure how you met, but the problem is with OLD women have so many options… I’ve had guys shower me with messages even before meeting me. I’m now dating a guy who like you was not so aggressive over text and I honestly didn’t even think he was that interested, like I was probably just another girl in the rotation, but after our 4th date we had a whole conversation about communication styles. You can pursue if you’d like, but I would definitely have a conversation about expectations with her.
Sounds like you are winning the game my guy
Sounds like dodging a bullet to me.
There is no winning.
– call too early, desperate.
– wait too long apathetic.
– too often, clingy.
– not enough. distant.
– pursue, stalker
– dont pursue, your situation.
Welcome to the rest of your dating life.