Hi reddit,
I have tried very hard to make friends all my life and I have always fell short. I was always the one chasing people up to meet for coffee/lunch and then one day I wondered what would happen if I stopped chasing people up and they stopped inviting me.
Recently I have seen alot of my old friends celebrating milestone birthdays on social media and everyone was there except for me.
Why do people disclude one person from a friendship group? And why do they post a million photos online, knowing you will see them and be hurt by it? I feel like unfriending all of them but I keep hoping one day I will be invited.
I guess I’m a bit socially awkward.
Note: I get on just fine at work, and am quite good at building business relationships but I really struggle personally.
3 comments
You know, this is such a common problem it’s almost like the Socially Invisible Flu! Or maybe I should call it Socially Invisible Syndrome, because it oftentimes seems like it’s chronic. And no, it isn’t all your imagination, as friends will sometimes claim if you confront them on it.
I wrote an article that you might find helpful, it’s called **[What To Do If You’re Socially Invisible](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/10tggoo/what_to_do_if_youre_socially_invisible/)**
Another thing I’ll add is that there are four traits that people find almost universally appealing, I call them ECHO: Enthusiasm, Confidence, Humor & Optimism. Most people don’t have all four of those things, but if you can work on two of them that’s a big step forward.
>Why do people exclude one person from a friendship group?
They probably don’t like you very much. Hard to say why without knowing you.
> And why do they post a million photos online, knowing you will see them and be hurt by it?
Because their lives don’t revolve around you.
You might just not be interesting to them, maybe you’re not considerate and are self centered (talk too much about yourself), or you just dont click with them anymore. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met in this scenerio, I’ve been in it myself, where I look at the group and see that the one being excluded just simply doesn’t click and they’re trying to because they don’t want to be lonely or have to make new friends. Maybe that’s the case and you seen desperate, they may think you don’t actually want to be friends and care about them, you just want to be included to not be lonely. If you’re being excluded, you need to see your way out and try to make new friends, evaluate your role in the group and what you bring to them, or evaluate whether anyone in the group is still a good friend on an individual level and just hang out one on one. We ALL deal with this from time to time unless we’re lucky enough to make lifelong friends. I’m still individually friends with everyone from my high school group but it doesn’t work as a group anymore, some people would definitely be excluded because they don’t get along with someone but I still hang out with them individually. If you don’t have a good bond with any of them individually that’s a problem, you’re not trying to be friends, you’re just trying to stay in the group.