I’m a 22 y/o female and in a weird position where I get invited to parties and have groups of friends, but always peripherally being added. I’ve never been a crucial part of a group or event. I feel like talking to me is nice for people, but I can never get in a fun, casual and playful conversation with people. I take things very seriously and have social anxiety to the point where I get stuck in my own head and can’t be open to ask people about their lives and show authentic interest. May not seem like a big issue but it’s eating me up especially because it’s been a thing ever since I was a teenager. Any tips on how to not take things so seriously, be more fun and have more fun?
4 comments
Ask people about themselves and pretend to be interested. In other words, fake it until you make it. People are all self-centered at heart, even the really great ones. We all love to talk about the things we love. Getting people to talk about themselves makes everyone think you are a fun and kind person to be around.
Focus on the conversation and put yourself in it. Have questions to fall back on. If you’re at a party you could drink a bit as well, not a permanent solution but helps sometimes.
1. Bring something – chips you bought from the store, a desert you made yourself, whatever. Even a bag of ice is often really welcome. Bringing something means you’re actively contributing to the party – not just hanging out on the periphery.
2. Ask the host / hostess if there’s anything you can do to help. Even just helping make sure everyone has a drink gives you something to do. Again, you’re not just sitting there watching the party happen around you – you’re getting involved.
3. Look around and notice if anyone else is standing around alone or looking awkward. Go up and introduce yourself. Make a comment about something they are wearing or eating / drinking. Ask how they know the host.
4. It’s great that you express interest in people and that you are a very sincere person. But it’s also OK to let your silly side out. Maybe make sure to watch a funny movie or TV show before you go to the party so you can have a conversation starter “Has anyone seen this yet?”
5. Finally – you don’t need substances to have fun, but there’s a reason people serve alcohol at parties. Sometimes you just need a glass of wine to loosen up a little and feel more comfortable goofing around with people.
1. Bring up your sex life, bonus if it’s non-existant.
2. Make inappropriate jokes that you should never make in a mixed group.
3. Whine about how your life sucks.
4. Repeat over and over that you’d rather be at home.
5. Be disruptive.
6. Continue to do 1-5 even after you realize it’s pissing people off.
7. I’ve never been to a party but this was all the stuff I did at my last social group. haven’t had another in nearly 6 years. This was cathartic for me.