My boyfriend of 2 years (we have been living together for the last 8 months) broke up with me a couple of days ago. It was really hard on me, and I felt as though he had come to hate me. We finally talked for the first time again last night, and after talking to his family and friends, he has come to a realization. He said the problems in our relationship and the problems he was having with me actually had nothing to do with me at all, but actually just due to the underlying issues he was having with himself. He talked to his parents after breaking up with me, and he couldn’t describe to them what he was unhappy with me about or why. His parents told him he had been unhappy long before he even met me. At the beginning of our relationship, he was so happy for many months, and we had no issues. He told me last night I was exactly what he needed, but then his unhappiness had slowly started creeping back, causing him to take it out on me and for us to start fighting constantly (over relatively small, unimportant issues). I still love him so much, and I do think we could be the perfect match sometime in the future, but we agreed we couldn’t even consider getting back together until he works on himself. He has expressed how important I am to him and how much the relationship means to him. We want to continue living together as friends, and I said I would be more than willing to try to help him. I think coming to terms with that realization is a great first step, and it was really hard to do, but I don’t know how to help him move forward. He says he doesn’t know where the unhappiness comes from or why and doesn’t know where to even start to fix it. I want him to be happy in the future, with or without me as his girlfriend. What advice can I give him? How can he move forward and be happy? How do you find yourself again?
TLDR: Boyfriend broke up with me, but I would still like to help him? How can I?
2 comments
It sound like he’s on the right track. Admitting he has these issues shows some maturity. Be careful though, and don’t take him back unless you’re positive that he’s moved past them.
Strongly suggest therapy. Talking to a professional, or someone with knowledge about mental health should be able to help him figure out where all of this is coming from. Make sure he understands that it takes a strong person to admit that something is wrong, then actually do the work necessary to make changes
You can’t help him. He has to do this on his own. His mental wellbeing is his responsibility, not yours.
You should really move out. You are not his caregiver, and your own mental health with deteriorate if you live in the same house with him. Everything will be about him finding himself, and there will be no energy left for you and your needs. Just the sentiment that you were everything he needed, but what about you? You are a person, not an emotional crutch.