My GF (19) and I (20) have been dating for about 4 years. We occasionally had sex when we were younger but didn’t start having sex frequently until this year. We are each others first vaginal sex partners. She gives me handjobs and enjoys sex, but as the title states she reacts strangely to oral. I really enjoy going down on her but she doesn’t let me do it everytime we have sex, only maybe 25% of the time. In addition to this, she has sucked my dick on maybe 3 occasions for less than a minute each occasion. It’s not a deal breaker for me, but I really enjoyed those moments and when I ask her before sex to suck my dick she just about always says no. I have brought it up, trying to find out why she is opposed to it, both during sex and during a more casual time. The first time I brought it up she said she it was something she doesn’t want to talk about and it was something from the past. I asked if it is anything I am doing and she says no, that I am clean and she is satisfied with me down there and that it is all her. I try to get her to talk about it but she usually breaks down. I asked her about it in non sexual matter and she became really upset with me and fought me over it. What can I do about this? Additionally, if relevant at all, she gets pretty stressed over small things and is just very closed about talking about sex in general. I want to marry this girl, but this is bugging me.
5 comments
Sounds like she either has some sort of trauma regarding oral sex or she just isn’t into it. There’s not necessarily anything you can do besides give her time, stop asking her about it, don’t force the idea of oral onto her and see if she opens up about whatever is causing the issue. If it’s a dealbreaker for you then you know what to do.
It’s okay for people to not like things.
I mean if we’re looking at this objectively there is a lot of reasons that a woman would not like oral. Men are not exactly known to be the best smelling beings on Earth. And if you have a penis that’s on the larger side shoving that down someone’s throat isn’t exactly pleasurable either.
But the point I’m making is I can come up a lot of reasons that someone would hate doing it.
>The first time I brought it up she said she it was something she doesn’t want to talk about and it was something from the past.
This points almost certainly to some sort of trauma. You’ve been with her for four years and she still doesn’t want to open up to you about it. That makes me think it could be a pretty big deal.
Assuming this is correct, it’s probably going to require therapy. But I’m not sure how you’d even broach the topic of encouraging her to go to therapy without knowing what the trauma is because it might just look to her as if you’re encouraging her to go to therapy so she warms up to the idea of putting your dick in her mouth.
It’s a tricky situation. Maybe something like ‘Hey whatever that is from your past, I understand you don’t want to talk about it, but I really hope there’s someone in your life you can talk to about it with who can help you work through it.’ Even that to me feels like it *could* be interpreted by her as self-serving if the only context it’s ever come up before is around oral sex, but that’s the best I’ve got. If you’re confident that you can deliver that in a way that she’ll interpret as coming from a place of caring and love, it might work.
Basically you can wait and see if she gets over her trauma and suddenly loves doing it for you, or you can find someone else who doesn’t have that baggage.
Roll the dice, or don’t.
Honestly. I’m a girl, and no oral sex would be a deal breaker for me. I have been married for 22 years, and I will tell you that sexual compatibility is VERY important.
Don’t stay with someone who can’t make you happy in bed. Being able to fulfill each other’s needs (emotional, sexual, etc.) is the backbone of a happy marriage.