I kind of feel guilty because I know I shouldn’t feel so bad, it’s literally his hand that he can control to feel perfect, but when I heard him tell me that it just broke me. I hated it. He said he didn’t feel much we we first did PiV for this reason and that he would stop jacking off to help. When I started crying he said it’s the same thing as how when I finger myself it’s always going to be better because I know exactly how to do it, but I DONT finger myself, I don’t masturbate at all so it just made me feel worse. I know that he’s right, but damn it made my insecurity of not feeling ‘good’ to him even worse, and more or less just confirmed it more than anything. My self confidence just rots away every time I think about the fact that jerking off is better for him than fucking me…. please let me know if this is normal or something I should feel bad about…
5 comments
if you get into masturbation then you can try to understand his point of view which may help with the insecurity
Your boyfriend is being an insensitive idiot. While it may be true that he knows exactly how to make himself cum with his own hand, this is a pale shadow of what you can experience with real sex. The closeness of your partner’s body, the kissing, the caressing, skin-to-skin contact, oral sex, stimulation with hands, pillow talk, different positions, fast or slow intercourse, the possibilities are endless.
It sounds as if he’s conditioned himself to only achieve orgasm through masturbation and needs to stop so he can readjust. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong! I truly hope he’s telling you that being intimate with you is amazing and that he wants to take his time to adjust and fully enjoy it. You deserve a partner that cares about you and is interested in more than just reaching the finishing line for himself in bed.
When my bf and I first started having sex we dealt with a similar issue. He was a virgin and was so conditioned to cum from his hand and while a vagina felt great it didn’t make him cum. It kind of took a while (maybe a month of sex a couple times a week) and some trial and error but we finally have figured out the right combination of stimulation that gets him really hard and hella turned on.
He’s such a weirdo. Men don’t prefer to masturbate. They prefer to be lusted after and to have sex while running their hands along another person’s body and inserting themselves into another person. He’s lying, because a warm, wet hole beats a hand. If you hold still, he can control his motion to perfection for himself. You were very unlucky to make him your bf, but there’s a simple solution, lol.
I feel like OP is catastrophizing and commenters are unfairly jumping on the bf.
He didn’t say he doesn’t like sex, just that he doesn’t feel much from piv. He proposed a solution, to stop masturbating so he can feel more. That’s a significantly better response than most other posts here about guys with death grip or porn addiction.
He should have expressed other things about sex he enjoys, like the intimacy which cannot be replaced by masturbation, but it’s not exactly an easy thing to communicate. Especially when you’re young.
OP, without knowing all of the details, at least proposing to stop masturbating is a positive sign. It’s likely that he’s not saying he doesn’t enjoy having sex with you, he’s just trying to be completely honest and put his foot in his mouth in the process.
I understand what it’s like to not feel good enough, and that feeling probably isn’t limited to just sex for you. From experience, if you can learn to be kinder to yourself it will dramatically improve your life. Things like this won’t affect you quite as much.