So I met a girl online a while back, and she’s really great! We get along really well, have shared goals in life (marriage, more kids, etc) although we have differing political views. I’m more moderate/conservative, she’s definitely more on the liberal side. Our differences are civil though, and even though we don’t agree on certain topics politically, we can have a civil discussion, and try to understand one another’s opinions. We’ve talked about a lot of things already, and even touched on abortion. She feels like it’s a health care issue, I feel like except in extreme cases, it’s immoral. We agree to disagree basically, and went on about our lives. Today, while we were on three phone, we were talking about how well we communicate, even though we sometimes have differing opinions. This is true. But since we were on the topic of differing opinions, abortion was mentioned, and I simply said that I’m glad we can have a civil discussion about that and our opinions of different matters. So she says that we haven’t really discussed that topic yet, but she thinks we should… But the thing is, we HAVE discussed the topic. Our opinions on the matter anyway. So that makes it seem like she’s getting ready to tell me that she’s had an abortion previously, and just hasn’t yet because we get along really well and actually care for one another. If that’s what she tells me, I’m just not so certain that I can continue the relationship. My views are that, abortion outside of medical necessity for the mother, ra pe/inc est (should just take plan b if that happens) is immoral, point blank. She knows how I feel, and I wouldn’t be comfortable being with someone who voluntarily aborted their child. I love her, but I also feel like backtracking my stance on the matter would make her think that I’m a pushover from here on out, and that she won’t be obligated to consider my feelings or opinions. What are your thoughts? I don’t care what side of the fence you’re on, what your views are, etc. Do you think it would be acceptable to break off a relationship if she had an abortion previously, and I’m against it?
19 comments
It’s acceptable to do whatever you want. So what matters more? This relationship or your values?
What if she tells you that she had, and it was out of necessity?
If she can’t tell you that she had an abortion because it will change your feelings for her, then the differences in opinion are a lot more important than you seem to think they are.
You sound based. Stick to your values and principles. Find someone who shares your views. What if you get her pregnant and she decides to abort your child? Its a red flag to me.
Abortion is such a blurred lines concept, and such a silly thing to breakup over. Think about what you even just said: Abortion is immoral, but Plan B is ok. Why? In both cases you stop a baby from ever being born. Why is one more evil than the other?
I’m not going to turn this into an abortion debate— just trying to demonstrate that given this would be in the PAST and is such a nuanced topic, it’s ridiculous to make this a dealbreaker. Do you honestly think this woman is evil, or immoral, because she has a different idea than you as to exactly when it is ok to stop childbirth from happening? And this is with HER BODY on top of all that.
On second thought, if you are really gonna get that bent out of shape over this, then yeah, do her a favor and break it off.
Break up with her so she can date someone who respects her bodily autonomy and sees her as a full person in her own right and not a vessel.
Her belief don’t concern you unless it’s your baby. So it’s up to you to take the chance but I think you know the answer.
Y’all are diametrically incompatible. You think abortion is immoral and she believes it’s healthcare. You would break up with her if she had one before y’all met.
Have you discussed porn with her?
Hopefully she dumps your backwards ass and it’s a learning opportunity for you to realize your views on abortion are medieval.
If it’s a deep moral issue for you then it is, and you probably obey something where you’d think less of your partner this deeply.
And, this might be a deal breaker.
No one can crowdsource your morality for you. Either you’re ok with it, or you ain’t man.
For her benefit, you should break up.
Please do. Drop her like a rock, you’d be doing her a favor.
You’re unbearable. Please break up with her and allow her to move on with someone who values and respects her as an individual. I suspect she doesn’t truly know you hold such rigid views and a complete unwillingness to see the world as anything other than black or white. I imagine this relationship will be over once you have this discussion, whether or not she has had an abortion in the past.
Break up. She deserves someone who respects her reproductive health and bodily autonomy.
Look at this idiots comment history. What a goon.
If this is that same girl that was long distance, if you think she’s getting ready to tell you she had an abortion plus her having her BD spend the night, I’d say call it quits with this one. If it’s someone different who you really care for and love and trust, but simply differ on this, your a fool. Also our government suck and is filled with hypocritical tyrants and should have no say when it comes to abortion.
If she tells you that she had an abortion in the past and it’s too much for you to deal with you don’t have to stay in the relationship. You don’t have to be with someone you feel fundamentally incompatible with.
If that’s not the situation or you decide to stay together anyway I’d recommend discussing your perspectives on abortion in cases of Down Syndrome because 37F. If she would get an abortion in that case you have to decide if you can accept that risk as it’s her decision.
I’m here to make it worse :). If life begin at conception then plan B and 1st/2nd trimester abortions are practically the same. So, I guess either you need to get over this superficial position you are in, or you can do yourself a disservice and continuing to play these mind games with yourself.
I tend to agree with you, but at the same time it’s pretty wild you’d throw away a STRONG bond for a past inconsequential action. The real catch is that if you guys really go far, she probably won’t ever need to do this again, so in some way you are saving lives. Good luck man xD