I am a 4-hour plane ride away from where she lives. She had her wedding in 2020, and I was supposed to be in the wedding party along with my children.
I told her about 6 months before her wedding that we would not be able to go. My daughter had had open-heart surgery months prior, and her cardiologist told us that under no circumstances should we go. I do not regret my decision in the slightest bit. My daughters health is and always will be more important to me than anything else.
My sister did not take it well when I told her, and she had a huge argument with me that turned into a falling out. I can’t understand how she would ever expect me to put my daughters health in jeopardy, and she could t understand how I would voluntarily miss her wedding. 3 out of 5 of my siblings no longer talk to me or have anything to do with myself, my husband or my children. I am apparently evil for not wanting to take the chance of seeing my young daughter on a ventilator.
All of this obviously happened a long time ago and I have truly made peace with it, most of the time. My life with my husband and children is peaceful, happy, healthy and thriving, and I am content in life.
I made the stupid mistake last night of looking at her Facebook page for the first time since her wedding. She has mostly everything set to private, except for posts that show her changing her profile photo, and posts that she must actively change the setting to so that they are not private – and I saw that all this time later, she is still trash talking me. Her un-private posts are posts saying things like “When you get married, lose a parent, or have a baby, you see people’s true colors. You see who ACTUALLY cares about you during your happiest and your lowest.”
It’s not that surprising that she would post crap like that, but what did surprise me was seeing dozens and dozens of “likes” on her posts from people I knew my whole life, from my home town. She must have slandered me to everyone that we knew and was friendly with before I moved away with my family. It stings a bit and I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. Am I foolish for feeling badly?
TLDR; My childhood friends think badly of me due to my sister dragging me through the mud on Facebook, for not going to her wedding during Covid 2020 after my daughter had open heart surgery. It feels bad.
25 comments
Seems like these people aren’t anyone you still talk to so honestly who gives a shit about them. As for your sister she’s an absolute clown, and perhaps she did you a favor. I can’t imagine this is the first and only time she’s behaved in such a way.
So your sister is a selfish psycho and if she’s still on this it probably goes deeper than just the typical bridezilla psychosis. Who knows if these mutuals even know the whole story. At any rate, the fact that she’s still wingeing about this means she’s more upset about it than you are. Just live your life and love your sweetie. Hope she’s feeling better now.
Wow your sister is nuts and delusional
I wouldn’t feel bad. You were under doctors orders not to go. You made the right decision to protect your child and prioritize her health. Shame on those that actually agreed with your sister most likely without knowing all the facts in the situation. These people obviously are not friends, I would let them go.
Why do you think those posts are about you?
Regardless, your sister is an asshole and so is everyone else who has an issue with you not traveling with your sick kid.
Why are 3 of your siblings so ice cold towards the risk to your child who had open heart surgery? What kind of humans are they?
Your sister seems nice. I bet she loved to share when you were younger.
Don’t feel bad. She is selfish. To bad you can’t respond with I’m sorry you don’t take my daughters life as being more important than your wedding. Block her on everything so you’re not tempted to look again.
Karma’s on her way.
Id tell you that you can rest easy, because of course you’d have been crazy to expose your daughter during peak COVID, but at least you don’t have to worry about living 4 hours away because you live constantly in your sister’s head, rent-free.
I mean, OP, how sad do the lives of those people have to be that you missing a wedding—for major medical reasons no less—is the biggest concern they have. You don’t mention it in your post, but your family gives off a “it’s a hoax” vibe. If so, that’s double the cause to disregard what they say.
Here’s the reality that I had to learn the hard way: some people are almost completely incapable of empathy. They can sympathize, because they’ve been in the position before and remember how it feels, but empathy is lost on them. If they’ve never been in your position, they will never be able to understand how difficult it is and will always expect more of you. This isn’t to say they are bad people, but rather that their emotional awareness is not very good.
To clarify, in case there is any confusion:
Sympathy = “I’ve been there. It sucks. I’m sorry.”
Empathy = “I’ve never been there, but it sounds horrible. I’m sorry.”
Your sister is a cunt, and anyone who is siding with her are also cunts. You made the right decision you protected your daughter from a dangerous virus that had killed millions of people. Forget them
Oh she sounds toxic. But you have something the dozens of likes don’t have – significant distance from toxic sis. They have to live with her, and that probably means going along to get along to keep her ire off their heads.
Covid did a number on family relationships. I lost one side of my family for simply saying, “Think about your (immunocompromised) mom & practice better habits!” when relatives were getting together during that time. How dare I care about family members?!!? Three years later, they still won’t talk to me & that aunt I was worried about died recently to unrelated lung problems. It’s okay to be sad & miss your family sometimes, but they really did you service by cutting you off from their dysfunction.
Sounds like she did you a favor.
Stop going back for more abuse.
While your sister might be referring to you, it’s unlikely the people liking the posts are putting that together. They’re probably thinking about times in their own lives those quotes apply to.
Honestly you family is beyond dysfunctional, which is why many of your siblings are NC. Also recognize that people do not know the full story, it’s likely your sister gave them a version that shows you are the crazy one. However, the people who know and care about you, would have reached out and asked if you were ok, as they cannot believe this story. This is obviously a way to weed out the true friends from the group.
I wouldn’t worry about any of them, and focus on your happy and healthy children and husband in front of you. This is the way you start a future positive dynamic that your children will take from you. No need to include anyone from your toxic past.
You stayed behind at the recommendation of your daughter’s medical professionals.
Your siblings don’t understand, nor do they want to understand and would rather this be their hill to die on. Your daughters health was more important so they can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
If you took the shots you are a bad sister.
Your sister is selfish, uncaring, and vengeful.
>It stings
>
>Am I foolish for feeling badly?
No, you’re human. Your sister on the other hand … uhm ….
So, as feasible, try to let it go.
She shows *her* true colors – she’s an *sshole and quite shows it. Ignore her/it, and get on with your life. Some people are sh*t. Generally that’s not the kind of thing one can fix. Just cut ’em out of your life and move on.
And if you’d gone, and as consequence your daughter died … yeah, your sister doesn’t give a f*ck. It’s all about her – that’s the kind of person she is.
Just leave it and move on – not worth your time, bother, or concern.
Sorry, but sometimes that’s how life is. Hope you and your daughter are doing fantastic!
You did what a parent should do. You protected an innocent and vulnerable child who could not protect themselves. That your Bridezilla of a sister got her panties in a wad about it is her problem. The fact that she’s wah-wah-wahing on Facebook to this day shows that you’re living in her self-centered head rent-free.
Do yourself a favor and block not only her, but the other siblings and family who support her from your Facebook page.
I think you finally found out exactly who your ‘friends’ are.
At the risk of being blown up, it sounds to me as though anyone who got married and had a group meeting at the height of the COVID pandemic probably had a certain world view about the disease’s veracity and danger. If this is the case with your siblings and ‘friends’ then of course they would not be able to understand why you were pandering to the virus.
However, it seems astonishing to me that these people would have preferred to see you at your sister’s wedding and your daughter on a ventilator and/or in a coffin.
Whether your daughter was ill or not, the risks involved of congregating with large groups of people in a global pandemic were huge. Graveyards are full of those who took the risk.
You say that your siblings and many former friends are NC with you. For your own well-being and to stop episodes like this, which have clearly and deservedly affected you, NC goes both ways. If they don’t want to contact you, don’t torture yourself by contacting them, even if it’s to look on social media posts.
Enjoy your life with your lovely family and (very much alive and healthy) daughter. Leave those fuckers behind and give them all the attention they deserve. None.
They don’t care about you at all, my youngest got married 2020 and no one went, they just did the jp thing and signed papers. Also bought their house that year. We video chatted and visited when it was safer to do so. Their wedding day was no where near what they had imagined but everyone is still here and healthy today. The important things.
No but thats a pretty generic post. It couldve been directed at anyone or noone. Did anyone get it from the wedding?
Your child is more likely to die in a car accident or some other accident besides Covid, statistically. Did you bubble wrap everything and stop getting into vehicles with your child?