Your wife cheats on you after 14 years, what do you do? How do you get over it?

32 comments

  4. Don’t waste any more time on this woman, you’ll seem like a pushover and she will do it again. Life’s too short and you’ll find someone new

  6. Distance yourself from the concept that relationships have binary outcomes.

    They either last or don’t

    They are either succesfull or not

    They are either ‘meant to be’ or not

    You failed or she failed..

    None of that is true. it doesn’t help you.

    Relationships are parts of a life’s journey that you share with someone else in a very meaningful way.

    The main learning to take from relationships that fail with ‘a bang’ is that you missed the fork that shoould have taken you apart some time ago.

    But nothing about the part of the journey before that fork and not a lot that came after it either, was wasted. it’s all going to contribute to the next stage of your journey. and all that matters is that you keep taking those steps and picking your route based on *you*.

    edit: your kids can travel with you for a while longer in a way differebt thab your soon to be ex. That’s not a problem for them, or you. Forcing them into a journey that damages them is, which would be what you do if you stay together when you really don’t want to. Kids are damaged by witnessing resentment, not by divorces. Your children will be much better off with parents that walk a healthy road for themselves, apart.

  7. You can do 1 of 2 things.

    1) Try to forgive her and go to marriage counseling. Make an effort to move forward and forgive (but not forget)

    2) leave and know that you won’t be able to get hurt like that again. It is very difficult to move forward after something like that behind you.

    You will know which choice is right for you. Take a few days and really think. Do a pros and cons list. Stick to what your heart says. Don’t look away from the choice you know you need to make.

  8. Reddit will always give a **man** bad relationship advice, always. The good advice is to just leave her and stop worrying about stuff. Flat out tell your kids she cheated and you’re breaking up. Do it now, rip the bandaid off, get your divorce. Move on. Try your best to be there for your kids.

  9. I have found that, especially in the name of love- We are capable of forgiving almost anything.

    However, should you? And, more importantly- would your forgiveness change anything in why she did what she did?

    I mean, in fairness, she might not even know why she did. But being human, I imagine something drove her to that decision, or impulse, or situation-. It could well be that your forgiveness won’t change anything in your partner.

    I was there recently myself. I forgave her, two months later- she left me. This after 16 years.

    I think what I’m trying to say is: there are two of you in that relationship. Everything is two people, not one. It’s very easy objectifying your partner; blaming the third party, believing that all hangs on your forgiveness, but she has a will of her own. There is a bigger question here than just forgiveness.

    I’m very sorry for you, but think of the instruction placks on airplanes- put your own oxygen mask on first, then your children’s. You should put your stability first, or you won’t be able to be a good parent. Whatever that means for you.

    Good luck

  11. I’d recommend divorcing her and taking half her assets, and after the divorce, is complete sleep with her female friends, family members coworkers employees or employers. This is the advice her support would give her, let’s end double standards.

  13. Been there. Done that. Yup, left without looking back, after I found out about the affair.

  15. Divorce. Don’t use your kids as an excuse. She has failed her duties as a Wife, and a Mother. You must move on and continue without her.

    Godspeed Sir

  17. You have to know yourself, and be honest with yourself. My wife cheated on me just before our 18th anniversary. I tried for a year and a half to stay with her. We are getting a divorce. I was lying to myself, I can’t stay with someone that did that to me. If you think you can honestly stay and not let what she did slowly kill you inside then stay. If you know in your heart that you will never be able to see her the same again,,,,, well you have your answer. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself.

  20. I’m surprised no one has looked at his comment history yet. There’s a reason he’s given no context.

    I don’t know the details but I know that someone who’s commenting on naked girls excessively trying to get them to sleep with his wife is hiding something from the story here

  21. My homie got cheated on after 7yrs marriage. I told him that we gon get gym memberships and get that small beer belly off. Now he’s all whipped by another woman, wants to move in with her after a month of seeing each other, it’s great but the woman has her older parents to take care of… I tried telling him you too deep into pussy man, bail out while you can, or make the woman change that caretaker role.

  22. My wife cheated on me. We got a divorce after 13 years of marriage and 2 kids.

    Happy to be a single father of 2 now. I won;t be getting married again.

  25. Step 1 get out: Divorce, keep how much money you can during the process, but don’t stress over it, it’s not worth it in the end.

    Step 2 reevaluate: look at your life and locate the things important to you. The ones that make you get out of bed and put smile on your face. Your kids, hobbies, work, whatever it is. Focus on them, don’t let them to be taken away from you in step 1.

    Step 3 live: realise life does not end at 40 or 50 or even 60 and however old you are, life is not over. You still have ways to go, fun times to have, purpose to fufil, and if you don’t let this ruin you, in few years this horrible moment will be just a memory like all other memories you got over, like first hearth break, first lost job etc.

  26. Leave her, and go hit the gym. Realize that you can can do much better than a cheating slut. Go work on yourself and reenter the world a new man.

  27. Id get my friends together while shes out or at work, get shitfaced drunk and we would have a “throw her shit out on the sidewalk party”. go to a legit casino, buy chips with every cent i have in the bank,cash out all investments, sell everything of value, sit down at a poker table with a trusted friend and “lose” all my money to them legally. then file for divorce.

  28. Pump the brakes. 99.99% of the people advocating for divorce have never been in a long term marriage. Don’t take advice from random teenagers in Reddit.

    Reality: infidelity is incredibly common in long term relationships. 20-30% of marriages experience this at some point. That’s millions of married couples.

    You need to take some time and asses your feelings. Then, when calm, have an open, honest dialogue with your spouse. Does she want a divorce? Is she blowing up the marriage on purpose? Is she simply a human being whoade a terrible mistake? Was she seeking something she isn’t getting from you? Is she a pathological narcissist just manipulating you? You won’t know until you talk to her.

    Then, decide what YOU want. There’s no wrong answer here. Forgiveness, counseling, behavior change and moving forward is a viable option. So is divorce. So is trial separation and counseling. So is navigating an open relationship.Just know that you have choices here.

  30. My suggestion, play nice for a little while, then leave.

    Use that time to get her to
    A) confess and ask for forgiveness via email (writing back and forth will often get women to admit things in their effort to gain forgiveness)
    B) document everything you do with the kids as evidence for your future custody battle, if you aren’t currently doing 50% of the parenting step it up
    C) Get your finances in order so you are ready to leave, this includes making sure she is working and maximizing her income too, and if not that you document that you’ve been trying to get her to work and it isn’t a joint decision for her to stay home.

  32. Get a divorce and if you have kids be the best father you can possibly be. Never talk shit about your ex wife in front of your kids. Try to keep your kids out of the middle of it as much as you can, and make sure they know none of it is their fault.

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