Last week this guy I see at my work (grocery store) asked me to lunch. I made it clear it was “Friends Only” not a “Date”. But now I don’t want to go. We decided Thursday. Now He’s texting me on FB on what time. I have seen it but haven’t opened it so he doesn’t know I saw it.
He’s like 15+ yrs older. Just as Friends. But still don’t want to go and waste my time. I regret adding him to FB. But I don’t want to block or ghost him. Help.
23 comments
Just block and ghost him
You do not owe him anything
He’s 15 years older so he’s probably experienced this before
Don’t just block and ghost him. Wtf? Let’s be clear though, you don’t owe him a date or anything like that. You did agree to a lunch but if you want to cancel, just cancel. A message to the effect of “I’m sorry, I can’t meet for lunch anymore for personal reasons.”
Then block him 100%.
Tell him you don’t want to go to lunch with him. Communication is not rocket science.
Are you not wanting to go because you would rather go on a date? you could express that. Is it perhaps you don’t want to go because you don’t think it’s just going to be a friend’s only thing? If that’s the case it might be right but on the other hand I’ve expressed similar thoughts towards some people that I genuinely wanted to build a friendship with because they seemed to be a very kind woman and yet they don’t talk to me anymore. I was very clear that I was going through things of my life and didn’t want any sort of romantic interest in the relationship I was merely trying to build friendship with someone that was kind to me. She told me she didn’t believe it and hasn’t hardly spoke to me since.
Edit: I don’t recommend blocking or ghosting him unless he handles the rejection poorly If you’re not interested just communicate that. If he does much more then say all right I understand your point of view yada yada then you block him.
He sounds like a bit of a predator. Just say you can’t go as somethings come up. And just don’t commit to rescheduling.
So why not be a mature adult and just tell him that 🙄.
By the 2nd or 3rd comments I did tell him. Basically that i just wasn’t interested anymore and was sorry. Just the jist.
I’m not good at rejecting someone unless I flat out Hate them. Otherwise, I’m a people pleaser, negotiator. (Middle Child Disorder: MCD haha)
I don’t like how everyone’s default is “block and ghost”. Common decency has gone out the door
Be direct, don’t say sorry (because you’re not and neither would I be), message him that you’ve had a rethink and decided to keep things in work as usual or just say you’re cancelling.
It’s time to fish or cut bait, your wasting his time too.
Many of you are ruthless and honestly the reason the dating scene sucks so fuckin much. They aren’t even trying to date, it was a friend lunch outing ffs. Be decent human beings and communicate how you feel or atleast let them down in a nice way.
Block and ghost is cowardly, rude and honestly is destructive to alot of people’s mental health, not to mention, not receiving feedback on what you did wrong (of we use an actual attempt at dating) leaves the person with no way to improve themselves for rhe next person they meet. Only resort to this if the person is dangerous, or being way over the top beyond reason, like asking for nudes in the first few messages.
I’m glad you talked to him OP. Even if this wasn’t a date, thanks for giving someone the time of day to be a good person.
To the rest of you. Grow up and grow a backbone while you’re at it.
Follow your heart. Fuck what anybody else feels or thinks. You come first shorty if he ain’t it on a friend level even be honest n tell him.
Just cancel. No need to block him. You don’t want it to be weird when you run into him again
This is what you can say:
“Hi ______, I thought about the lunch. Because we work together, I would rather not meet colleagues outside of the work environment. I hope you understand where I am coming from. I appreciate our working relationship and I look forward to continue working well together.”
Something like this.
Don’t block him if he’s already on your social media page(s) but I believe there’s options to limit what others can see.
Just tell him the truth. If it was me I would respect you more if from the very beginning you told me you were definitely not interested so I wouldn’t have to waste your time or mine
I think what I would do is invite another coworker to join the lunch.
Tell him what you told us. That you don’t feel like going anymore. Difficult?
It sounds like you’re a real jerk asshole.
So what if he’s older? That’s not the problem. Be honest that you don’t feel attracted to him, is all. Let him know you’re seeing someone else and it’s starting to get serious. As for next time, don’t box yourself into a corner. Be upfront about things but also be polite, then things won’t be so awkward.
“I don’t want to block or ghost him, and I don’t want to open his message or reply! What do I do?!?”
Literally you named all 3 of your options. You can block, ghost, or message him back.
Jesus Christ
But since you seem to be completely helpless you could
1) Find his dad and tell him that you don’t want to have lunch with his son
2) Go talk to Elon Musk and ask him to randomly select this man to take part in a manned starship test flight (these rockets really aren’t flight worthy yet, and may explode)
3) Buy 16,000 lottery tickets and hope you win millions. If you do, it is imperative you completely change your appearance and gender and move to another country. Hell, try to move planets if you make enough money.
4) You can be a grown adult and make your own decision on whether or not you want to tell him you don’t want to go to lunch.
Just tell him. Why are you making it more difficult than it is?
I am not saying it is the case, but their could eb a couple of things. I don’t know you or the situation so please take it at face value.
1. Lack of communication skills Although you made it clear that it is a friends type of date and not a relationship date, their may have been other signs of communication you may portrayed that gave some type of mixed messages.
2. He may not fully grasp it-I will not rule this one out. It could be him or it could be related to number one. I wasn’t there so I don’t know.
3. Maybe their is interest-I don’t know if their is some sort of interest (friends or otherwise). So that is why he is acting that way.
Blunt honesty. You don’t need to sugar coat anything and you’ve done nothing wrong to feel like you need any particular strategy.
Ex.
Hey. I need to cancel on our lunch plans. I just thought about it for a bit and it’s just not something I’m interest in. You take care 🙂
Bam. Unfriend, don’t block unless he starts hounding/harassing you. And if that happens, say “you’re making me uncomfortable. Do not contact me again”. And block. This is always a nice tactic to have a hard paper trail incase he turns into some creepy who won’t leave you alone. You can call the non emergency police line and explain you feel unsafe and then show them that. I’ve done it before.
Go to lunch, it’s not a waste of time. Everyone has to eat. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be surprised that one time you don’t listen to your internal doubts and self-criticism.
OR
Don’t go to lunch, and tell him straight up. It’s HIS time YOU are wasting, after all. You want to break an appointment, you HAAAAAVE to tell the other party if you are physically able to do so.
Kudos on not wanting to block/ghost. That’s the best intuition you’ve shown in your post. There’s hope!