At what point do preferences become materialistic?

3 comments

1. It’s only toxic if you try to mold or pressure people who don’t already fit your preferences to be the way you want them to be

2. It is not shallow for someone who experiences sexual attraction to only be willing to consider dating those that they find sexually attractive.

   Being attracted by ambition, intelligence, financial success, a glamourous lifestyle, strong work ethic and ability to earn enough to build a very comfortable standard of living is fine. Planning to be a gold digging parasite, criminal targeting the wealthy or entitled dishonest freeloader is not.

   Being a petty tyrant guilty of lawful but coercive behaviour, a thug, habitual criminality towards the date, building a relationship based upon lies or fear, trying to force/manipulate/gaslight an unwilling person to automatically obey all demands & request and invest their time plus significant emotional resources in a transactional exchange where they gain little that is positive for them- all of these are toxic.

3. In my humble opinion physical preferences are shallow when they are the only thing you consider, same with gold digging: if money is the only thing that matters to you it’s gold digging. Controlling, i think, is when you try to establish boundaries that don’t directly relate to how they treat you: what they wear, where they go, their friendships – that’s their life, that’s outside of your relationship and outside of how they treat you, so you don’t get to control that. If the dynamic you prefer involves forcing your partner into something they don’t like in any way, shape or form – it’s definitely toxic.