To add a little context I am mostly speaking to women who already have children so it just makes no sense to me. Surely they would want someone who is capable of being an actual present positive father? Once the subject of children comes up I will usually say something along the lines of I have two girls ages 8 & 12 who I think the world of and who stay with me 3 nights a week. Time and time again women have ghosted, I’ve noticed this so many times now that I’ve even started to put off talking about kids.
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To get a better understanding, the women you are talking to have kids of their own? But as soon as you mention you spend time with your kids, they ghost you?
42 M. I can’t speak for women. But I got out of something with a single Mom awhile back. Really complicated. In short, she did me wrong, but that’s not the point.
You mentioned women with kids; I suspect most single Mom’s are looking for a guy who’s willing to put her and her kids first. And that’s not unreasonable to a point. I always accepted that if I date her, they come with her. But there were some things that happened which really made me scratch my head. I don’t have kids, but I have a one-year old nephew that I really love. She questioned why I spent as much as I did on him for Christmas. “It seems like such a waste for a one-year old.” After she left me – AFTER – I booked a trip to the beach for my sister and I in July. This week she asked me to ask my sister to give up her room so her and her kids could have it. “I absolutely have to take my kids to the beach this summer, and she can go whenever she wants. I figured we could go just like we used to.” My jaw hit the ground at the audacity.
In your case, if the women in your life with kids are walking away after hearing about your kids, I would think maybe they don’t want someone who CAN’T put them and their kids first. Because you have to put YOUR kids first. Similar to what I said above, there’s audacity involved in that viewpoint.
In my case we almost got married. We talked about me buying a house and us living together (her paying rent). What I didn’t know at the time is that I would have needed an additional room, because when her ex eventually would have moved in, I was going to need a place to sleep (in my own home). I would jokingly say all I needed was space in the living room for an air mattress so my nephew could come to visit. She would always say “uh I don’t know about that, would he really have a good time with everything else going on?” That of course meaning that it would take away from HER kids.
As for childless women…who really knows. It’s probably similar in that they know you can’t put them first because you have to put your kids first. Dating a single parent isn’t for everyone.
I think some single parents simply don’t like dating other parents for the same reasons childfree people don’t want to. (Their ex will always be in their life, not as much available, dealing with someone else’s kids, etc.)
Maybe they didn’t realize that until they started dating someone who’s also a parent.
I’m a divorced single mom and I actually stopped talking to a divorced man who had kids because he wouldn’t see them! If I were to date a fellow single parent, it would be a red flag to me if he didn’t spend time with his kids. Those women did you a favor by taking themselves out of your life, honestly.
I’m not bothered about a guy having kids, but if we start dating I’d expect to see you fairly regularly. Like once a week perhaps, or once a fortnight on the odd occasion. The last guys i dated with kids, one ex started texting me abuse, and the other two were still too freshly broken up and still heavily involved with the mothers so I try to avoid if I can.
One of the things I love the most about my boyfriend is the amount of time he spends with his kids. If he doesn’t see them, he at least talks to them multiple times a day. I promise there are women out there who admire and love a very present father.
There’s something else going on here. If you’re having this discussion as part of your standard repertoire and it’s happing at this same place, every time, most likely you’re boring her in some way already. It just happens that they make the final call at this same point every time. Every woman I’ve talked to looks at my 50/50 split with my ex and dad skills as a huge attractant.
As long as there isnt any baby mama drama , I wouldn’t have a problem . What I do have a huuuge problem with is all the hook up apps . Dang them beaches be desperate ….FOR CASH. Whats wrong with these chicks you ask . I lay it out for you.
They are shallow AF , one or 2 might have a degree but thats just a front . No character, no substance all they looking for is brand clothing and trips to Miami Beach. Oh , and those ridiculous nails . So there you have it .
Awww that’s messed up. I cant have children and would love to be a step mom
Unfortunately in our culture families especially dads is considered old fashioned. It is the main reason our cities have turned into cesspools.