We’ve been together for close to a year and 8 months and ling distance. We would fight and realize we would be getting too heated so we’d walk away, and hours later, she’d call me and apologize immediatly for the things she did and said, and I’d follow up with an apology too. Yesterday though I was still upset after she apologized and I made that abundantly clear. I began my side of why i was so upset and admitantly I was getting pretty heated and that reflected in my voice. We went back and forth for a while and she finally had enough and started yelling at me saying I never accept her apology and I’m always still mad about it afterwards. I got angry and called her an asshole and that’s where conversation ended. We texted after that and basically I feel like she is emotionally manipulating me by apologizing first without giving me a chance to say why I’m upset, then proceed to expect me to forgive her. It doesn’t make sense in my brain. At the end of the day, I won’t feel satisfied until I’ve laid out why what did hurt me, and the fact is that she’d bring up points in the middle of the conversation that contradicts the fact that she apologized, which makes me think that she’s not actually sorry. I bring up that I feel that she’s emotionally manipulating me, but then she gets hurt at, “how could I think she’s capable of doing that to me.” TO her credit, I genuinely don’t think she does it intentionally. This has been going on for a few months now and I’m confused at this point. I can’t tell if I’m the one gaslighting her, or she’s gaslighting me. I need someone to slap me awake, I need some advice.
1 comment
It’s entirely possible that she is doing it as a learned behaviour. But it doesn’t sound like either of you is very good at communicating.
I find a good way to see if someone means what they say when they apologise is to ask them what they are apologising for. If they describe what hurt they caused, fine. If they can’t or won’t then they probably aren’t sorry.