Went on a couple of dates and hooked up with him once in Nov 2018. We stopped talking because I felt I was getting too infatuated with him. He moved to a different city and then messaged me again in 2021 October telling me he’s moving back to my city. Initially, I tried to turn him down but then eventually agreed to meet for drinks. Had a great time. We danced for two hours and had lots of fun. He was staying at a hotel then. I was too drunk and we both ended up going to his hotel room. I had my period so we didn’t have sex but made out a little. Wake up at 6 and he has to leave for work. Waking up with him in bed felt really weird and I rushed back home. Had I not been drunk I would not have gone back to his hotel room.
The next day he texts me 4-5 times. I am trying to avoid him because I get too attached to people and I don’t want to treat this anything other than a hookup so as not to confuse myself. I give him one word replies. A day later he calls me up, tells me he is going back home for the weekend. I try to cut the conversation short.
Ever since the last time we met, he would text me maybe one or twice a month wanting to meet up. (I ALWAYS TURNED HIM DOWN AND HAVE NOT BEEN HAVING SEX WITH HIM SINCE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED) I always felt like it’s only sex he is after. Because I don’t want just sex I try not to engage him any further and tell him I am just too busy. My replies were always the same -“Sorry, I am busy”.
He is super attractive, is a pilot, and is very very charming. I am sure he has no dearth of women wanting to hook up with him so his behavior sort of confuses me. A week ago he texts me if I am free and want to meet him. I tell him I will be busy with my boyfriend the entire week, to which he replies “that’s nice”. And I thought this would be the end of it. Now, he texts me today asking me out for drinks. I repeat that I am in a relationship now. He says “that shouldn’t matter. I am comfortable with you being in a relationship and don’t want to disrupt it. I just like your company and would love to hang out with you again. Let’s be mature about this.”
I can’t help but feel he is only interested in sex. It’s just my gut feeling. Even though he says otherwise I just don’t believe him for some reason. He says he just wants to be friends with me.
Edit: we have reached a consensus. I have blocked him.
37 comments
Why don’t you just not talk to him anymore? You have a relationship, you don’t trust him, just stop responding.
>I can’t help but feel he is only interested in sex.
Gee, ya think so?
Oh he’s a pilot? 🙄
Yes. He’s in it for the sex. He’s unethical at best.
Of course dudes just looking to get laid lol
Um… do you actually HAVE a boyfriend?
He’s a grade A player and you are being played.
Of course it doesnt matter to him that you are in a relationship bcos thats your problem.
He knows how to press your buttons and won’t think let alone care about what you might want, even if you managed to say it out loud.
You already know what you need to do – the only thing you can do due to your problems with attachment and lust levels and thats block him on all forms of communication and go NC.
And no, you don’t need to see him one more time to tell him or call him to let hime know bcos he doesnt care – if its not you, its someone else. Like you said yourself, he’ll have a group of you in a holding pattern and not one of you is more special than the others.
Sorry love – if you’ve had sex with him, pls get an std test.
I would let your boyfriend know.
If the guy is a dirt bag he could cause problems and text your current BF.
He is using you for sex. If you are in a relationship why are you having sex with others?
Girl just block him. End of that.
So what’s the advice you’re looking for? You already know that you need stop responding to this guy.
Block him. Problem solved
This man does not want to be friends with you, he wants to fuck you. And he’s shitty, because he’d do so despite of you being in a relationship. Why have you not blocked him, if he looks for something you’re not willing to offer, and if you are in a relationship? Holding onto that contact is pretty shady towards your new partner.
Tell him you have enough friends and block him.
Were you in a relationship when you were making out and getting drinks with this guy?
And he is obviously only after sex. The guy is a pilot. He meets so many women, and you happen to be one that hasn’t given him exactly what he wants. So, he’ll chase/pursue you until he does, and bam, he’s off on his plane to the next girl.
Men and women want what they can’t have. It makes the chase more exciting.
You have a boyfriend. Ignore him.
He doesn’t respect you nor your relationship, he is definitely only after the sex. Guys like him will never change, they will only try to charm you just enough so that you give them a chance, then once they get their way they will just move onto another person.
My advice is to not communicate with him anymore. He does not care about how you feel, what you value, nor wants just an “innocent” friendship, obvious from how he continues trying to pursue you before and after you enter into a relationship.
There is a very dangerous and blurry line between friendships between two people where one or both have attraction to eachother that can cross into emotional cheating to physical.
I highly recommend to look into it so you do not become a victim to his malicious intentions.
He will just try to manipulate you emotionally to minimize the problem until there is no going back anymore.
just block him?
Stop talking to him. Block his number and block him on all your social media. The only reason you’re posting on Reddit is because you *know* he only wants sex. Also, anyone else think it’s weird that he keeps hitting OP up even after she’s hinted at not being interested?
It’s also creepy how he acted like he only innocently wants to hang out with you when he doesn’t. Do yourself a favor and **block** **him**. EDITING to say that you don’t even need to talk to him about this or tell him that you’re going to block him. Creeps deserve to be ghosted.
You’re how old? Cmon girl
> He is super attractive, is a pilot, and is very very charming.
Your boyfriend will love this if he read it
Sketchy AF, when Pilot fuck boy is out on a mission I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t matter either. Pilot is a vampire.
Just.. block him? You’re making it more complicated than it needs to be, as well as leading the guy on
I think he knows that you struggle with saying “no” so he keeps pushing. Why not block him? You’re not friends, you don’t want to have sex with him, why stay on the merry go round?
“that shouldn’t matter. I am comfortable with you being in a relationship and don’t want to disrupt it. I just like your company and would love to hang out with you again. Let’s be mature about this.”
He literally told you that he only wants sex. Block him, cut him off.
What do you need advice for? You’re in a relationship and this other dude wants to fuck.
Read your edit. Just don’t go back on it – this guy is bad news and is trying to equate infidelity with maturity. He must be piloting a spaceship because he is not of this world with that kind of reasoning. That is not a compliment.
Why did you not just block him from the beginning?
Is this pilot Pete from the bachelor by any chance lol
But why did you reply at all if you’re trying to avoid him?
Just block him?
Glad to see your edit that you blocked him, but it’s concerning that you didn’t do that or just say “Not interested, bye” long ago.
>I can’t help but feel he is only interested in sex. It’s just my gut feeling. Even though he says otherwise I just don’t believe him for some reason.
Because NO SHIT HE JUST WANTS SEX, that’s obvious as hell. Guys like this will tell you whatever to try to manipulate you into having sex with him. Of course he asked you out for **drinks** again; you wrote yourself that you wouldn’t have gone back to his hotel room before if you weren’t drunk. He can tell you’re naive, easy to manipulate, and incapable of saying “no”, so he kept pushing.
You seem alarmingly easy to influence, and it’s also a concern that you admit that you get too attached to people. Have you considered going to a therapist about this and learning about establishing healthy boundaries? Because otherwise you’re going to get into a lot of really sticky situations. You need to learn how to say “no”.
Says he’s mature but want you to cheat on your boyfriend? Quite a contradiction. Also, why don’t you block him if he’s bothering you?
I’m not sure why this is even a question you need advice on unless you’re looking for someone to tell you to cheat or leave your boyfriend for this guy (who definitely only wants sex from you and will cut you off as soon as you want anything more). Mature adults would have ignored and blocked him immediately after his first text once they were in a relationship. Not difficult.
What did your boyfriend say about his response to you being in a relationship? I know what my response to that would be.
Simple solution: block him.
I saw you blocked him-and good for you.
But hun I just wanted to say-every time you say “I’m over reacting” I want you to immediately say, “Wait, no. I’m reacting.” And every time you say ‘I’m over thinking!’ I want you to say, “I’m thinking.”
Trust yourself. You got this.
Then block him?
Why are you waisting your time OP?
Why was this even a question?