Hi all, I’m in a very depressed mood because yesterday was basically my last day in an in-person class environment and I graduate this fall. I have one more class on campus in the fall but we’ll only be meeting bi-weekly and from what I gather it’ll be the same people I failed to get along with this semester (it’s the same class).

I’m really frustrated and worried because I’ve been friendless since 3rd grade and I’ve been single for the last 3 years. I’ve only ever had sex once (sorta) and only ever had 3x short, failed relationships. I feel like a massive failure for not being able to make friends or maintain a relationship. Everything I’ve tried so far hasn’t worked and I’m out of ideas.
I tried making friends at both of my shitty part time jobs fresh out of highschool: ended up having to leave both jobs due to backstabbing coworkers, petty workplace politics, and people making fun of me for being a college student majoring in film and starting my own company.

I tried making friends during the few classes I had to take on campus in the filmmaking department. Didn’t fit in because I already have my own production company and my own gear. Most of the other people weren’t even film majors and weren’t looking to make friends. The actual film students themselves were mostly pretentious assholes that tried sabatoging my projects and other cliqy bullshit after they found out I have my own cameras and whatnot. I was cool with maybe 4x people in my production classes but they all had their own friend groups and relationships and weren’t really available.

I tried making friends in a screenwriting class but half the group turned on me for a particularly heavy scene I wrote into my script involving an assault on a character during the “dark night of the soul” moment. My professor (moderating every group) and 2x of the group members loved it and could see that I was trying to make a point with my story. The other 3x group members got angry, attacked me and called me a misogynist, and refused to even read the rest of my script…. My professor actually gave me extra points for my script and I got a good grade, but only one guy gave me his contact info and he doesn’t really seem available.

I tried joining some online filmmaking groups on discord but they aren’t very friendly to indie filmmakers and are mostly just people working in the studio system that try to shame you into being an intern or something at Paramount or wherever.

I tried joining a leftist group on discord but got into a purity test spat about modern movies. We moved on but I’m still early into studying marxist texts and I just don’t think I’m really as smart as the other members and I don’t feel like I belong there either or fit in with the group.

Lastly, I tried googling meetups in my area, but all of the “singles” groups are for people over 30 and the closest “film” group is 3x hours away. I live in a more conservative state as well, so no lefty groups are anywhere to be found.

Tl;Dr: graduating college soon and studying for a masters degree online. Won’t be taking the traditional post-grad life path and I’m worried I’m going to be stuck living in isolation for the next few years. Please help, I don’t know what else to try.

1 comment
  1. Idk, just saying this to help the self esteem part, have you ever considered you’re possibly more than just simply introverted? Have you considered there might be reasons that are not your fault?

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