I have a friend who moved to another city for college and he has been too busy that he takes many days to reply to my texts. He replies on time only when i need some advice or want help. Apart from that, we have an ongoing convo since many months. I am someone who replies quickly whereas he has been a lazy texter since we became friends. He says he replies late to all of his friends and they are okay with it and understand him. He tells me he replies when he feels like it and mostly does not have the energy to reply to texts as he is exhausted with his life and does not feel like talking to anyone. I’ve asked him if he finds talking to me annoying or he doesn’t like talking to me several times. He said its not that, there is a difference between not having the energy to talk and not liking to talk. He even sent me a screenshot of his screen time and said he is trying to make time for himself and failing in it. He is also in a theatre society in college which is too hectic. Sometimes, he doesn’t even get sundays off. Almost half of his day is spent there. I try to understand his situation but my overthinking brain is just wild. I’ve been having serious trust issues like i’ll assume he is lying to me about this stuff and he may be talking to his other friends, he secretly hates me and bullshit. The fact that i have feelings for him makes my overthinking even worse. What do you guys think about this? Any advice will be appreciated
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God! I’m going through the same thing! I have trust issues too and we have beden friends for 6 years. I always doubt her and myself. She Said sometimes she needs to be alone. I’m an introvert too. I understand. But she doesn’t text or call until I do. I feel like we’re falling apart. So one day I told her If she needs alone time she can tell me so I won’t call or text her during that time. She told me It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to me It’s because she forgets to write back. Sometimes she answers a text two days later… (We used to meet every week)
And I’m here wondering If I’m no interesting to her anymore or she really forgets me because I’m not really interesting anymore… đđ€Źđ©đ
– **Look up Attachment Style Theory.** You seem to have an âAnxious / Pre-Occupiedâ Attachment Style, but I recommend watching a few videos or reading a few articles in order to verify this.
– **People have different social gas tanks and ways of processing the world.** To you, a text only takes a few seconds. For others, they might want to *think* about their responses thoroughly. Or maybe their mind is just preoccupied with other nagging thoughts and theyâre not in the mood to converse because theyâd be giving you a distracted / moody version of themselves. Ironically, what you consider disrespectful, they might consider thoughtful.
– **Admittedly, Iâm similar to your friend when it comes to late replies.** I currently have about a dozen friends in my DMs that Iâm a few days late in replying to. Hell, just this past Sunday I called up a friend who texted me a month ago. Doesnât mean I donât love them, I just like replying when I know I can be more present.
Iâm glad youâre at least aware that you might be overthinking it. If your friend is being truthful, then the worst thing you can do is accuse them of dishonesty and making assumptions about their intent.
Hi, I’m a person who gives late replies and can concur with the exact reasoning that your friend gives.
I’ve actually ended up falling out of friendship with someone I used to be really close to because they refused to believe that my energy deficiency was a personal thing.
They kept accusing me of disliking them or hating them, and I couldn’t handle them constantly mistrusting me and throwing away my best attempts to express affection and gratitude.
It hurt that 1) I couldn’t reply as fast as they wanted, and 2) that they kept ignoring my words and refusing to trust me.
Their lack of trust in me, and my lack of ability to give timely replies, let to us going separate ways.
I get that you have anxiety about your friend secretly doing XYZ BUT the fact that they do give extra energy when you really need it speaks volumes about everything else about them. It’s one thing to feel lonely and want more people to talk to and to feel sad about the situation and wish your friend replied more. But PLEASE try to resist or shake off images of your friend secretly being a villain, just because they have energy troubles.
Know that he’s stressing out about the late replies way more than you are. I became this person and I can’t make my brain socialize regularly anymore, I don’t know why. One person gets one single interaction from me every couple weeks so all my relationships are decaying faster than I can maintain them. Idk if this helps but know that he’s thinking about you all the time even if he’s not actively texting you.
I’m going through something very similar. My best friend moved across the country a little over a month ago. We used to text almost every day and call each other once a week or so. Since moving away, she often takes at least a day, sometimes two or three, to reply to my texts. Before she left, it would be a day at most. We last spoke on the phone two weekends ago. I tried calling her three times last week and once this week, but it either goes unanswered, or she sends me to voicemail after a few rings. We texted briefly on Friday, and the last text I got from her was while I was asleep Friday night/Saturday morning. I texted again two days ago to ask how she’s doing, but still no response. And the kicker is I just saw her comment on someone’s post a few minutes ago.
Before she moved, she promised things wouldn’t be much different. That we’d still text, call, and FaceTime each other. But all of that has dropped off over the last few weeks.
Now, I’m really anxious and sad because of the drop in communication. My mind spirals with wonding what’s going on. Does she no longer want to be friends? Has she gotten tired of me? Is she sick, or did she get in an accident? Did I do or say something to drive her away? I can’t think of anything like that. I have no idea what’s going on, and it kills me. She means so much to me, and I can’t bear the thought of losing our friendship. It doesn’t help that, like you, I also have some unrequited feelings for her.