Long story short this girl who is a friend and flatmate (F21) did something that hurt me a lot and refuses to take accountability and apologise, despite knowing she is in the wrong.
I (M27) wanted to talk to her one on one about it last week but we were on opposite schedules and I wouldn’t see her for a while. My friend said he would mention to her why I’m so upset about it and she is best off apologising but she would not have it. This left me feeling extremely angry and upset so I haven’t been talking to her even when in the same room.
I regret not speaking to her one on one myself so decided it would be best to give it a try then at least I know my pov is clearly put across and I wouldn’t feel guilty about not talking to her if it doesn’t go well. She had just left the flat when I went to find her to speak and didn’t see her again until just before I was about to go out.
I said to her “do you want to have a chat tomorrow?” In which she replied “not much to say is there?” and “why not just say what you want to say now?” I kept explaining to her I was just about to go on a night out and was not in the mood to do it now to the point where it almost broke out into an argument. Eventually she gave up and said “fine whatever” and I just left.
My flatmate who I went out with forgot something so went back to the flat, where he saw she was teary eyed and cleaning the kitchen (something she does when she is upset/stressed).
Can anyone explain why she was so upset for asking for a one on one chat? I was honestly expecting just a simple “yes” reply then that would be that.
tl;dr girl got upset when I asked for a one on one chat
6 comments
Why not just approach her when you are both free since you live together instead of trying to put people in the middle and scheduling a talk?
Do you want to explain how the falling out happened? Because it seems likely to be relevant to her current reactions.
Hard to infer and make a guess when you leave out all context of the altercation between you two.
I mean not that you have to go into detail about what she did to make you upset, but she is only 21, and as a fellow 21 yr old with female reproductive organs I really despise hearing that someone talked about me behind my back when that does happen. I’m going into this with the notion that what she did was actually something hurtful so it sounds like she’s getting defensive because you are talking to your other flat mate about her. Even even you are in the right and deserve an apology, Cut out the middle man and just get it off your chest, she will at least appreciate the fact you came to her about it, if she is a decent person. I hope things work out man!
There’s no way to answer this without knowing what the fallout was about.
She’s probably not upset that you asked to talk. Likely just stressed about living with you. Given how significantly this has escalated from the original event and your self described “rocky” relationship, you seem like a lot, and I’d be frustrated too if I were her.