My partner is definitely a giver when it comes to sex. He prioritises my pleasure and makes me feel amazing but I have never been able to orgasm with him or any other partner. For me this isn’t a big deal, I’m all about the journey rather than destination and I love the intimacy and connection I get with him during sex and for me that’s not related to whether I orgasm or not.
I’ve tried to explain this to him but he opened up about being insecure about his inability to last longer (which I told him with honesty that I’ve never seen it as an issue) and that making his partners cum is his way of “making up” for that, and that he feels emasculated that he can’t get me there, which in turn makes me feel bad thinking there’s maybe something wrong with me.
He brought up using sex toys which I was keen to try but when we did he was happy it made me cum but still disappointed that he can’t get me there himself. I’m now reluctant to continue to use them with him.
As a side note, he is also looking into ways to last longer longer, including taking medication. I did not ask him to do this and he assured me it’s what he wants to do.
Are there any last resort suggestions I/we could try to help me orgasm with him? I can understand where he is coming from (I’d probably feel a bit upset if I can’t make him cum too) so I want to give this a fair go before we move onto acceptance…
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if they guy is having a hard time busting a nut, then maybe take the time to get him to nut first before having him focus on getting you off
That reminded me of my ex but I always managed to make her cum. I thing you should guide him and let yourself go. Is there something or someone not letting you get to that point?
You sound like a very caring and loving couple with good communication, so kudos to you both! Honestly I think acceptance is a pretty good answer. You say you have trouble orgasming even by yourself, and that you don’t really mind not orgasming, and that you love the intimacy and connection with him anyway. It sounds like you’re satisfied, so he’s taking good care of you sexually, but he just needs to believe it.
Putting pressure on yourself to somehow become more easily orgasmic seems futile. It’s just how you are, and that’s perfectly OK especially since it doesn’t bother you. Just be steadfast in your reassurances to him, make sure he knows that you’re happy with him as your lover, and help him to relax and enjoy your sex life together.
Imho I reject this. He’s asking you to change as a way to avoid addressing his own insecurities. It is not your job to keep him from feeling emasculated. That’s a made up thing. He should go to therapy. This is codependent behavior.
Out of interest – are you on any birth control?
Is it possible you might have ADD?
https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/adult-adhd-sex-life
https://www.everydayhealth.com/adhd/managing-sex-life-with-adhd.aspx#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20research%20suggests%20that,to%20be%20a%20sexual%20addiction.
My recommendation would be leaning into the sex toys honestly–he was happy he made you cum, i think there’s a reasonable chance that he feels better about using the sex toys as tools over time
I will point out that it isn’t very “prioritizing your pleasure” behavior to make this all about him
My other recommendation would be just a lot of time of very consistent clit stimulation, expect 20 minutes or more and just keep at it
Story of my life. Same with me. I never orgasm yet I get more satisfaction when my partner cums. I never mind as long as there is chemistry and passion and that’s it.
My friend has a similar issue with her FWB. She finds his intense focus on trying to make her cum actually a bit of a deterrent cuz there’s added pressure for her to cum so his strategy backfires.
Some women just struggle with actually having an orgasm until they’re older. I think I was nearly 30 before the first time with a partner. And I know I’m not the only one.