I (24f) have been dating a 28m for about 3 months now. We have a lot in common; we both are single parents, in the military, have a lot of the same hobbies. About 4 weeks into it we had the exclusivity talk and told each other we were deleting the apps and only seeing each other. Since then, we’ve been having sleepovers on the weekends I don’t have my kid, going on trips, and talking everyday.
Today out of the blue he texted me saying that he’s not as ready for a relationship as he thought he was. Overall, I’m disappointed because I feel like my time and energy has been wasted. Everything he’s been saying and his actions up to this point indicated that he wanted something long term with me.
How can I prevent this from happening again?
11 comments
The only way to prevent yourself from being disappointed in dating is to stop it. Not saying that you should do that but you have to take into account that the other person might want something else or change their mind
This is why people date.
Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesnt. In many cases, guys will date with no strings attached and end up enjoying that set-up so much that they dont want to progress the relationship. Thats why guys often say “I’m not ready for anything serious…” yet still want to act like bf/bf without the title.
Depending on the situation, sometimes its good to not sleep with somebody until things are a bit more serious.
It sucks that the situation turned to this, especially if you feel led on. But you gotta respect his decision and move forward. Who really knows why he made this decision, but he did and there’s nothing you can do. Just be cool and keep it casual. Or just stop completely. It’s hard to answer how to not let it happen again because you didn’t do anything wrong.
Because people are too scared of commitment
> How can I prevent this from happening again?
You can completely close off romantic and sexual pursuits from your life: just totally rebuff anybody who wants to have sex with you, if anybody asks you out tell them no thanks with no explanation.
Otherwise no, there is no way to be confident you won’t be rejected in the future. If anything what happened here was the system *working,* because as bad as this was it was much better than the exact same conversation 1, 2, 20 years later.
You’re asking how to leave a healthy relationship with open communication and get into a toxic one?
Women with low self respect
That sucks, especially if you are on active duty, especially if you have kids. Strait up as others have said it may be his fear of commitment, but it may also be that he found someone else and isn’t as exclusive as you had hoped. Realistically I don’t know if there is anyway to prevent this. Life, relationships are always about taking chances. I have been told it is a game of numbers, I for one am unlucky at love and cards but I keep trying. I wish you the best, love will hopefully find you.
With potential love or beautiful relationships comes potential pain & suffering.
There is no way to prevent it, and the thing is you’re dating in a culture & climate where there technically are no social rules or norms to follow now in dating, romance, sex etc and no communities of anyone to hold people accountable.
Meeting through OLD is the worst offender and stories like yours have happened millions of times since 2016 when app OLD became a lot more popular. It was still pretty amazing there since men were still using it for first time, a lot of guys still went in with doe eyes actually looking for serious meaningful relationships and the gender ratio was close to 50:50 on tinder & bumble but now men have adapted when they realized how they could take advantage of girls on there. It turned from meeting a cute girl who would enthusiastically go to your house from this mystical dating app that doesn’t even know any of your family, friends, doesn’t have any strong social ties to you irl… into you having to send 100s of messages to endless girls for one meetup dare irl and spend weeks – months having even better texting or phone call conversations.
It seems like girls do not trust men at all anymore compared to years ago on OLD, they feel a lot less safe, see more men as potential creeps or predators or just time wasters looking for nothing real and the market has adapted. Now there’s a 1:4 women to male ratio and most women just use it for free attention & validation or to market social media.
Because the competition has increased so much and there’s massive pressure on guys now some feel like they have to pretend to want a serious LTR to adapt, men want the benefits of being a boyfriend or being treated like a husband just without any of the responsibilities or pressure or anything, this way they can reap the rewards and still leave, and well think about it since they never really had that selfless love & care for the women in the first place they don’t mind if they wasted months or years of her life.
It has turned into 100s of men swiping right on every girl… it doesn’t mean he feels very compatible to you, or that he feels deep chemistry or a vibe if you met irl, or have shared values or anything it just means he might be willing to put on an act to be with you temporarily.
This, or millions of other bad scenarios & awful experiences leads women to naturally just avoid OLD to find partners.
This isn’t a situationship. It was a short relationship that ended. A situationship is an UNDEFINED relationship that exists somewhere between casual and committed. The fact that you two defined it and tried to move forward with it means it’s not a situationship. The word us misused more often than it actually happens.
As for the question: Because it’s convenient. Its easy, it’s low risk, it has the chance of becoming more only IF both parties want it.
Make your intentions (that you’re not looking for *only* casual sex) right from the start.