About a month ago now my wife started acting pretty weird she didn’t wanna be touch by me and just really hasn’t seemed herself. She said she was extremely stressed out with working from home and taking care of the kids told me she just felt touch out when I tried to show her any affection. It started making me feel like shit and unwanted like something more was going on. Well being the noisy guy I am I decided to check her phone one day where I found interesting messages on tiktok with a man. She messaged him with some small talk then basically saying how everyone once in a while she thinks about him and can’t get him out of her head cause she felt like they never really had a chance to give this thing ago. He said how he felt the same way to and wanted to see her sometime. She kinda said they could possibly see each other soonish. Then was asking him questions about a pretty big fight we got into like 3 months ago which this guy actually took my side. He ask if she was happy and she told him yes but sometimes shes not. He said something back like well way we always go through this then and she never messaged him back and blocked him? Anyways I did more snooping and found out they were talking 4 years ago and it sound like she was gonna leave me for him they even hung out while we were together she was trying to make plans to spend the night with him I dont think she ever did but I really can’t remember. Seems like everytime shes done this shes been in a stressed out mind. I haven’t said anything to her about it cause I’m worried about not seeing my kids if we decide to split. I asked her if she had feeling for anyone else she told me no and she told me before she never wants to get divorced. She’s been back to herself as of now as well so idk if I should say anything our not sorry for writing a book.
12 comments
She cheated.
She is cheating.
She is lying.
Only you can decide what to do.
Cut your losses and make a new start full of hope.
Or let this parasite and paranoia eat you over from inside over the time.
My recommendation:
1. Get kids DNA tested.
2. Divorce.
She is acting normal out of fear. Next time she will be more cunning.
Another recommendation: Not let anyone or her fool you about her stress and house chores. Nothing justifies cheating, it’s a character flaw.
Confront her immediately with all the proof. If u are planning on proceeding forward in your marriage you must bring this type of behavior to a resolution. Who knows what will happen the next time she feels stressed
I’m sorry, but she’s a liar and a cheater. I’d get a DNA TEST on your children, I’d get yourself a divorce lawyer, and I’d get into therapy. If you want to stay with her, I’d still do all those things but also attend marriage counseling with her.
Kick her to the curb asap. Screen grab all that stuff and save it for a rainy day when someone needs to know exactly what her character is.
I mean, if she was unhappy with you she should have divorced you. That would give you the chance to make your own moves: Terminate joint accounts, stop agreeing with her about parenting, stopping being nice to her Mom, meet a new woman worth a damn, etc.
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with a failed relationship. It happens all the time. But the proper way to deal with it is to sit your partner down, look them in the eye and tell them it’s over. She didn’t do that.
Flirting with a dude off Tik Tok. What a winner!
Doesn’t even matter if she cheated, if she will cheat, if she plans to cheat. What you saw is already enough to break any trust you could have.
I would see a lawyer before the confrontation. You seem like the type of guy to rug sweep multiple instances of infidelity. If she doesn’t want to get divorced she shouldn’t cheat on her husband.
Women are complex . She is probably going through some stuff and this man is an escape and seems readily available with no judgement . He’s a man so he’s down to hang out of course. It doesn’t make it okay but if she wanted to be with him she could. It’s probably someone to talk to who keeps her mind busy . I would tell her you know what’s going on. And it’s crossing boundaries your not okay with. I would tell her she should be reaching out to you.
If I hear of someone who is interested and planning to leave me I do the gentleman thing, I help them pack.
If she had any thoughts of leaving you for this guy she definitely had sex with him, no woman is leaving her husband for another man she has not slept with
Maybe she was too stressed out from work and family and needed someone to confide in. She may not have cheated.
So why did this cause her to distance herself etc from you ?
There is a good rule in your case: “Talk to a lawyer first, then to Reddit”