I’m (F) a non european living in western Europe, and I noticed that my date (M) does not really display “considerate” behaviour and was wondering if this was just the norm. For example, I went for a few dates at his place and each time when I left it would be past midnight but he would just send me downstairs and not tell me to text him when I get back or anything.
He went back to his home country on one occasion (a Northern European country) and I went to visit him. After a date night out, I had 2% left on my phone as it drains incredibly quickly. I still had to take the bus and pay for it with my phone, and also possibly use google maps to navigate afterwards since I was in a new country. But he just patted me on the back and went to take the metro himself. I thought he could at least wait for my bus or ask me if I got back safely.
Another reason I had visited him was because I had to go back to my own home country right afterwards for many months. I was still a student so I didn’t have a lot of money, so I booked the cheapest flight from his home country back which was at 7am, and planned to spend the night at the airport. He didn’t offer to send me off and was quite nonchalant about me sleeping in the airport alone. Personally if the roles were reversed, I would have accompanied him at the airport over the night so I was silently disappointed, especially since it was a Friday. It was unpleasant when I woke up from a secluded corner of the airport and saw a random guy staring at me the whole time.
I’m not sure if my expectations are considered backwards in Europe and hope to get some context from everyone. For the record, these are things that I would do even among friends so I don’t think it’s a matter of gender. Thank you!
7 comments
He doesn’t have any serious romantic interest in u, hence can’t be bothered to do these bf type romantic extras
Sounds like he doesn’t really care about you. I’m not European but if I were you I would avoid seeing him if this is how he treats you or at least tell him how his actions made you feel and see how he responds
Sounds like the guy is just inconsiderate.
You don’t state your ages, but it isn’t totally unusual for younger guys to not offer some very basic thought and care when dating.
If there isn’t a role model around to teach you when to go the extra mile, then until you learn from your own mistakes, it can be easy to overlook what would otherwise be some basic human decency to other people.
I was definitely guilty of a few mistakes myself in my early 20’s – but obviously I wouldn’t overlook someone getting home safely or showing appreciation for someone going out of their way to visit me nowadays.
He’s simply an a** it’s def not normal or European, if I were you I’d break up with him tbh.
I think it’s more of a “he’s not invested in this” thing vs a European thing. I’ve dated several people with cultural differences (immigrants) and none of them were this uncaring.
It’s not a “European” thing. I’m European myself and my friends and I always make sure to check in on each other (especially if someone has to go home alone at night or something).
Each country in Europe is different….lol.
That being said, Northern European countries have a tendency to be more progressive/egalitarian in their dating cultures whereas the eastern ones tend to be what most people in North America consider to be “traditional”
The romantic cultures are largely more roman in their dating culture (with France being more of a mixed bag) and the germanic cultures tending to be more…..well, stereotypically germanic.
I’ve never dated anyone from a scandinavian country, but I’ve had friends and what they tell me is normal sounds very cold/uncaring to me.
I also once had a video call with a guy who had just finished his masters in Sweden that there they often don’t bother to learn anything about each other until they have sex (usually their first date), because they figure that’s what’s important.
If the sex isn’t good they just part ways. If the sex is good that’s when they start to put in some effort.
Don’t know if that’s true…but it’s what he told me.