I work in nursing which has a lot of older nurses who are simply bullies . And others who are nice to your face and then gossip about you two minutes later . I’m a passive person and I think too kind to everyone. I let my barriers down and act like everyone is my friend way too quickly and it comes back to bite . I was just wondering how i can gain the skills of being assertive and standing up to these people . I’m a lot younger than them too which is also why they can be so rude to me .
18 comments
You start small—when they ask you for a favor and you don’t want to do it, for example, you simply reply, “No, I’m not interested in that, thanks,” and stick to your guns. If they try to guilt you into it, remember that they are displeased because they are not getting what they want, and not because you’re a bad person. Gradually work up to larger things.
Vicious gossiping takes such a mental toll, even to people who aren’t normally bothered by it :/ I’ve only had to deal with it once so I can’t speak to being assertive (just kind of kept my head down) but I made some fun for myself temporarily so thought I would share. You can kind of direct gossip the way you want to if you do something strange. Like putting plain yogurt in a sour cream container to eat on your breaks (in sight of the others, and do not explain it’s yogurt) or by wearing a different weird pin every day. You can’t stop people from gossiping but you can intentionally give them something to talk about 🤷
Sending good vibes, I have nothing but respect for nurses and medical staff. Hope you find a more friendly environment soon.
It’ll take a while considering first impressions have already been made, but maybe distancing yourself might be a good start?
I know this doesn’t really answer the question and is kind of a side note… but my mom is a nurse and has been since I was a baby. I met a lot of her coworkers growing up, and hearing her stories, etc… and all I can say is it’s always blown my mind how nurses are some of the meanest, coldest, snarkiest people on earth. The irony is just so shitty.
As an experienced charge nurse on my unit I’d like to say I’m sorry you’re going through this. As much as I’d like to say we have a good culture on the unit, I still get reports of cliques and bullying. I’m told people are on their best behavior around me because of my reputation. One of my problems is that very few people come to me for advise on such matters, despite the fact that I seek out new hires and give them “the speech”. People don’t want to appear weak and helpless, I get it. I try to lead by example, always being open to help and for questions. Aside from prosecuting bullying I witness and lining everyone up and threatening with disciplinary action to anyone caught acting like an asshole, there’s not much else I can do. As someone said already, you can’t make the world safe, but you can arm yourself. Learn to say no, to stand up for yourself, learn conflict resolution and redirection, you will find those skills useful in your nursing practice, with patients, and in life in general. I find that as long as you don’t make things personal, people respect and admire when you stand up for yourself and disagree with them. The other important component is to not let yourself get jaded. You will be the senior nurse 10 years from now and the bullying has to stop with you. I have quite a few nurses like that as my colleagues and I’m grateful I can learn from them. Stay stronk like bull.
Fight their negativity with as much positivity as you can. I don’t mean being overly nice or a pushover, in fact quite the opposite but done in a way that is genuinely positive.
It’ll likely drive the lowly people around you crazy, at first. But they’ll eventually learn that you aren’t in any way feeding into their b.s. and *hopefully* will begin to lose interest in their attempts.
You have to become more powerful than those older nurses. For example, if you bully you, you must learn to fight back. Don’t just tolerate them blindly. This will only make it easier for them to bully you
Is it so much that you are younger aka “eat the young” or maybe just all in all you’re in a bit if a toxic work environment. Sure some people are going to gossip but that is easy enough to rise above unless it’s the culture of the place. Nurses are in high demand so you have lots of places and opportunities in your field.
I’m sorry that you are having a difficult time due to some bullying. That’s the last thing you want in a caretaker role. Seems like some people get burned out but more often than not you have to wonder if they weren’t always that way and they just don’t mask it anymore.
Nursing is a highly Nobel and vital profession. I hope you do get more comfortable being assertive for yourself and when the time comes where you need to be an advocate for your patients as well.
Definitely see some good advice in the responses here. Hold your head up high and keep being a kind hearted person. Know your worth and practice healthy boundaries. We need good people like you in this extremely important field.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing this, I know how draining and anxiety inducing it can be. I have mainly worked in the retail & tech industries, and have experienced my fair share of toxic gossip cultures. I’m curious, what have you already tried and how was it received by your coworkers?
As a nurse here who really struggled moving to a unit that is very cliquey
Don’t say anything you don’t want everyone to know. Just be a grey rock be positive and ignore them.
I just listen to gossip and respond noncommittal.
I’ll be honest I don’t raise it. I’m keeping shut and looking for another job because if they’ve been there for years and they’re like that I guarantee direct management know and either don’t want to or can’t get a handle on it
Read 48 laws of power. That should probably tell you.
I’ve been a nurse for around 8 years. I would advise to not participate in the gossip. I don’t “pitch in” when others start gossiping, I find something else to do as there is always something to do. If you’re lucky enough to have occasional downtime at your job spend some time studying what you don’t understand. A lot of the older nurses get annoyed when you don’t understand what “should be basic skills/knowledge” as since they have way more experience it’s easy to forget how all the knowledge and wisdom is also accumulated over time.
Hang in there and really the only thing you can do is not become a bully yourself.
Lol, aw I’m a nurse too. I say don’t let their drama be yours. And you don’t need to act like everyone is your friend, they’re your coworkers. Focus on doing your job and you will gain the respect of others who do the same.
I experienced this a lot when I was a very young and new nurse. To the point where I was physically sick before each shift. As I gained experience things did get somewhat better but the toxicity of the people this profession attracts remained. It’s definitely not all nurses who are like this but the “eat your young” mentality is far to common. Nurses are frequently abused by other nurses, various staff, and patients. For those who struggle to be assertive this can be exceptionally damaging.
I always thought the nursing profession would help to build me up as a person and help with self esteem. I did the opposite. The burnout and mental exhaustion happened quickly and I had to get out. My only regret is not leaving sooner. I am not saying this will be the case with you at all. I just realized I didn’t have the personality for it and I am much healthier now. I guess my advice would be to watch for the burnout and the toll nursing takes on your mental health. Please put yourself first.
I work in retail and it’s a very similar social situation that you’re in now. I’d say just stay as you are, just be a kind person but at the same time don’t let people exploit you. Stay as you are and the right people will come to you and stay with you. If not then it’s better to be alone then to be with toxic people. You can’t control what they do and what kind of people they are.
Big tip: DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR SHIT.
Imagine working hard your whole life, only to be trapped forever in a high responsibility low pay position of a nurse. Not only feeling like life itself scammed you and everything you believed was good and right turns out to be a bs. You struggle to stay afloat in his life, knowing hundreds of ways to make your life better and know for a fact it is too late to change anything in your life now. And then you see the younger generation that is better than you in every thinkable way shape or form is coming up, ready to replace you in a few years if you’re lucky, months if you aren’t. It’s a cornered rat mentality. As a bystander, I can’t really blame them. They know they’re fucked in this life and going to be even more fucked soon and this “soon” is represented in the flesh by your young smiling face. I would go feral too…
I’ve been an ICU nurse for 20 years & can safely say Fuck those old ladies! Seriously – I’m sorry that you are working in such a toxic culture, it’s not nice to have to spend long shifts with awful people. I would advise you to learn from your previous misstep and avoid being so open & trusting with these people. Your priority is your own good health and the provision of great patient care. You don’t have to be friends with the old bissoms.
With the exception of support staff. Always be kind to nursing assistants, cleaning staff, porters etc. Go out of your way to be helpful to them and this will come back to reward you in the future. If you need help to roll and clean a heavy patient or to collect a meal from the kitchen the support staff will be there for you.
The mean old nurses may have some things to teach you – watch them closely. Maybe one is super organised, another a master at delegating. One may have excellent patient assessment skills, another might be able to read an ECG upside down from 20 feet away! A little flattery and they might teach you. This is the way!
Never join in with gossip.
Always give mouthcare or comb your patients hair just as the family are arriving. They will sing your praises and this will be noticed by your charge nurse.
Keep reading journals. Consume all the nursing TikTok’s and keep your sense of humour!