My husband wants to get a motorcycle, and I don’t know how I feel about this. I’ve talked to him and expressed my concerns about it. Lately he’s grown disinterested in his usual hobbies, and I’ve been worried about him. He generally just sits at home when he has free time and watches YouTube clips; he doesn’t talk with his friends, play games, or do any of the things he used to. This has been going on for a few years, and I’ve expressed my concerns about this. He sometimes finds a new hobby he’ll want to try, like hiking, fishing, or outdoorsmanship, but he’s never kept his interest in them for long.
He seems very interested and excited about motorcycles, which is a little different and why I’m willing to consider him getting one.
One of my main concerns is that we’re supposed to be saving up money to either refurbish a house or buy a new one. Our house is nearly 200 years old, and a large portion of is it uninhabitable, which I would say includes our bedroom. It hasn’t been refurbished or redone for 100 years; the plaster sustained water damage and is now falling in chunks from the ceiling, and there’s something in the composition I’m allergic to. I frequently wake up at night choking and coughing. The wiring is something I’m more worried about, since it’s also 100 years old and was improperly wired.
None of this bothers my husband. He doesn’t cough and he’s not allergic to the dust, and he has enough plugins for his phone. It would take time and effort on his part to help redo the upstairs, so he isn’t interested, and he won’t sleep in a different room.
I feel like his wanting to get a motorcycle is selfish and inconsiderate, but I also want him to have a hobby that he would enjoy and be relaxing.
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**tl;dr:** My husband wants to buy a motorcycle and I have mixed feelings about it.
12 comments
Okay? And what question about your relationship are you asking for advice on?
Have you asked him to prioritize the house repairs vs getting a motorcycle? You deserve to be able to breathe in your own home. One would hope he would understand that and let a new hobby take second priority to the work that needs to be done on the house.
Is there any room for middle ground, like allocating a portion for the motorcycle and a portion for house repairs? Getting a cheaper motorcycle rather than the one he’s truly wanting and saving for his dream bike after the house repairs are done?
Motorcycle : it will need gas to run( extra money) and mainteneance ( extra money). Can he afford it? What if he gets bored of it after a while, then ? A hobby doesn’t have to break the bank account that you don’t even have.He is being unrealistic
Home : This should be a priority
He sounds depressed. he needs to treated for that rather than spending money and getting into more issues
You buried the lede here- your husband sounds like he really doesn’t care about you- he won’t sleep in a different room or re-do the room that is literally falling apart around you and gives you an allergic reaction… and you put up with that why? This is a partnership, and if you aren’t allowed to make major purchases until you’ve saved up to re-do or move houses, then he isn’t either.
Every man (and many women) wants a motorbike 😀, driving several for the last 40+ years. However it never should be in the way of essential things like food or living and it looks like that is the case here.
Now, what kind of motorbike are we talking about. A $1000 japanese clunker or a $30.000 BMW R1200 or HD sportster. Does the purchase leave a serious dent in the budget or can this be solved by selling one of his things like a game console ?
The house you’re living is dangerous to your health, and it’s clear to me as an outsider that fixing that needs to be THE top priority for the household. Plaster falling from the ceiling? Toxic (or at the very least allergenic) compounds in the dust? Your house is a death trap! You truly do not need yet another death trap added to your lives in the form of a motorcycle. If your finances are combined, I’d tell him that fixing the house has to come first.
It’s crazy to me that he doesn’t care about how these unsafe and unsanitary living conditions impact you. Does he just not give a shit about you at all?
You didn’t specifically say this but is there any black mold in your home? Black mold can present psychiatric problems including depression.
He’s going to need a leather jacket when he’s on his hog and needs to go into a controlled slide.
Motorcyclist here.
If my house was falling apart and making my girlfriend sick I would not be a motorcyclist.
At least, not until it’s fixed.
You married a dud of a husband. He wants to buy a dangerous toy instead of spending that money on fixing your home. He should start watching DIY/Repair videos on YouTube (I like HomeRenovisionDIY and This Old House) and start fixing up the house.
Hobbies should not take priority over your health and safety. It’s really alarming that you have tolerated this situation until now. You need to move out or fix it immediately even if you need to crash on people’s couches or go to a shelter.
House first, motorcycle second