My boyfriend and I are planning on going to see Taylor Swift in LA this summer, flying out from Vancouver. I’d say I’m pretty decent with money, but it makes it easier because I still live at home (I’m a student).
When Taylor Swift announced her tour, we both expressed interest in going, as we’re both long time fans and we’ve never seen her in person. I only received a Verified Fan code for LA, and before we even purchased tickets, I told him it would probably be an expensive trip, and asked him if he would have enough money saved up. He said yes.
So far, I’ve paid for everything – our concert tickets and plane tickets, and he pays me in instalments, which I was fine with in the beginning, but now it’s starting to become frustrating.
We’re still looking for a place to stay, and everywhere is expensive – the cheapest I’ve found so far has been $1300 for 8 nights ($658/split). I asked him if he would be able to pay me this before the trip because I was getting frustrated constantly waiting for him to pay me back, and he said he didn’t know, and got angry with me because whenever I bring up money, he gets upset because he thinks I don’t understand since I live at home. Fair, because I do live at home, and he lives with roommates, and ultimately Vancouver is an expensive place to live.
However, he keeps saying he doesn’t have money, but this past weekend, he went out for food and drinks *three* times, which is unnecessary, he spends at least $100-$200 a month on vapes and weed, and any other “unnecessary” expenses. I can understand the vaping part, because an addiction is difficult to break. But I just don’t know what else to do or how I can support him right now.
Anyway, there’s about 3 ish months until our trip, and he hasn’t saved a single dollar for it. Literally zero. I’m getting really worried because I don’t want to be the one paying for everything on our trip. What do I do?
TL;DR: Me and my boyfriend have a trip in 3 months which he hasn’t saved any money for, and I don’t want to end up paying for everything for him.
6 comments
>he keeps saying he doesn’t have money, but this past weekend, he went out for food and drinks three times, which is unnecessary, he spends at least $100-$200 a month on vapes and weed, and any other “unnecessary” expenses. I can understand the vaping part, because an addiction is difficult to break. But I just don’t know what else to do or how I can support him right now.
Do you sincerely not know what the best thing to do here is?
>However, he keeps saying he doesn’t have money, but this past weekend, he went out for food and drinks three times, which is unnecessary, he spends at least $100-$200 a month on vapes and weed, and any other “unnecessary” expenses. I can understand the vaping part, because an addiction is difficult to break. But I just don’t know what else to do or how I can support him right now.
Yeah he just doesnt want to save money.
Sounds like he kind of embellished his enthusiasm for the concert…or didnt really understand how much it would cost. And because he hasnt done shit, its embarrassing for him to admit to you he hasnt done shit. Honestly, I’ve been there lol I was a super immature dude in my 20s, and I’d commit to stuff because it felt like it was the right thing to do….then not be prepared for it. Sounds like thats what your dude is doing.
> I can understand the vaping part, because an addiction is difficult to break.
Yeah but his excuse wasnt “because vapes are so expensive.”
The problem with vapes/weed etc. is that its pretty detrimental when you dont have a lot going on in life. Weed/alcohol often becomes a way to escape the reality of being broke etc. Again, in my early 20s I was reckless with this stuff and it often put me in a financial hole. Ultimately, I got out of it and maintained great jobs as I got older.
I honestly have no problem with vaping/weed/video games etc., but I do have a problem when the person is struggling financially AND neglecting an SO that is supportive.
My first instinct is to tell him he has two weeks to pay you back in full, or you’re going to sell his ticket and get a refund on his flight.
But really, how come you’re planning on staying 8 nights if the main reason you’re flying is for a concert? That’s a BIG trip for two people on a budget. Can you not shorten the trip to 2-4 nights? A few days worth of food, entertainment and accommodation is far more manageable than 9 days (not to mention there will be more hotel availability). It might be easier to get him to cough up his share if his share is $500 and not $2k.
Sell the ticket and go on your own or see if a friend is available who wants to go.
So what are the options here?
Either he is incapable of saving money even for something he wants to do.
Or he could save money but thinks that he’ll get away with not doing it and you’ll pay for everything.
Are there any other possibilities?
He’s either incompetent or actively trying to manipulate you.
I wouldn’t want to date either.
I only want to date adults who think carefully about their commitments and stick to them.
Based on his behavior: If you want to go with him, you’ll be paying. You can either accept that and pay for everything, or you can change your plans (not going at all, going by yourself, taking another friend). You’re learning something really important about who your boyfriend is, and sometimes that’s an expensive lesson. I’m sorry he’s disappointed you.