Some basic knowledge about us:
I’m 19F, bisexual
My gf is 20F, transgender and bisexual
I’d firstly like to clarify that I have reciprocated, so it’s not something she’s been trying to pressure me into. Last night, we were chatting, and I joked that I should boil her (it’s an ongoing joke between our mutual friends) and eat her. She responded by saying that she’d rather eat me out.
This sparked a discussion about our preferences and what we are/aren’t ok with. Previously, we’d agreed that anything below the belt (aside from thighs) is off limits. I stated that I’m not willing to have sexual intercourse without having money at the ready to cover the cost of a 20+ week abortion in the worst case scenario, and she agreed with this, so we’ve started budgeting for that.
The second thing on our sexual bucket list, which is a lot more doable in the near future, is for her to give me oral. My gf had spent a few minutes discussing the preparation she’d like me to go through, which made it feel all the more real. I am excited, but I have so many worries that I’m not sure if I should discuss with her or not.
1: What do I even do? Lay there and awkwardly stare at the ceiling? Whenever we’d done anything else, I’d usually just stare at the ceiling, but after doing some research on sexual engagement, I’m worried that she may think of my refusal to look at her as me not enjoying myself.
2: The preparation is very doable, but what if there’s an issue that the preparation doesn’t cover that neither of us would’ve expected?
3: I do have a position preference, though I suppose it’s all the same action regardless of the position, and I’m not sure if it’s fair of me to make requests of the person giving (who has a different position preference). We could compromise on both positions, but then we may have to factor in time. We don’t exactly have a set time limit, but I wouldn’t want to be receiving all of the pleasure and offer something meager in return.
4: How do I even reciprocate? So far, she’s been content with me satisfying a few of her kinks, but that was while we had limited our sexual activity to anything aside from genitalia.
I’d like to clarify again that my partner is transgender and has not had bottom surgery, so she still has male genitalia.
6 comments
Just talk to her, tell her you’re inexperienced (she’s probably aware?), and explore/learn together. Have her tell you what she likes and wants you to do
Girl you’re overthinking. You can but you don’t need to stare your partner down while they are giving you oral. You can look up or close your eyes, whatever you want. There is also not much preparation. All I do is shave so that my boyfriend doesn’t have hair in his mouth or stubble scratching his tongue and lips and I clean myself. Soap on the not so sensitive areas like your butt and the crease of your thighs and only water in the delicate areas. That’s it. If it will take some time between your shower and oral because you for example go out for dinner first then bring some baby wipes of wet toilet paper to freshen up if that will make you more comfortable. I’m not sure what you mean by position? As for reciprocating you do whatever you’re ready for and feel comfortable with. You can offer to give her a handjob, I’d suggest to use lube or oil because dry just doesn’t work well or feel as good. Not everyone with male genitalia likes handjobs though as they could do it better themselves. You could also offer to go down on her.
Surely as a bi person, you’ve pleasured a penis before your trans gf. What makes it any different now? Also, how have you enjoyed receiving head in the past, how did you react? That’s no different now either.
Get out of your head, forget about everyone’s describers/definitions and have sex (with protections if you’re not baby proof) with your lover. Love is love, right?
So, a lot of what happens is the hard wired animal brain in us. Our bodies take over, and get it done. But, we are only animal that does sex for pleasure, not just procreation. You are allowed to ask anything. Its your body. Its your pleasure. A true partner will listen, and at least try, or compromise, or, it could be a hard no. Respect that. But, your feelings are valid. Dont get left out, it is 2 of you in this afterall. Make sure you communicate. Tell them if something feels good, or bad, agree if fingers are okay inside you beforehand, or toys. Do you want to go all the way? Orgasm? Then be clear what this is going to be about. Its supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Dont over think it. Relax.
Sometimes talking first helps but don’t over do it or it could lead to too much build up or stress? When it comes to sex it’s important for you to feel ready and comfortable, just relax and stop over thinking. Yes talk about safe words or things you want your partner to do so you can both get turned on, maybe watch each other masturbate at separate times to see how each like to be touched. And talk during sex, what feels right, etc. Maybe get some music, candles, whatever you need to set the mood for you to fully relax, you got this 😉
If eye contact etc. is worrying you, you could try wearing a blindfold the first time, as a fun kinky thing that could also help alleviate some of your anxiety.
As for reciprocating, it’s okay if you don’t feel ready for that yet. Just have an honest conversation with her about it, and make sure she knows that you desire her even if you’re not ready to take that step yet. It sounds like she is excited about going down on you, anyway.