I’m sorry for such stupid question, but I have almost never made eye contact in my entire life, I believe that was due to my teacher’s embarrassing me at school so I’d never look in their eyes, but I’m not sure.
My questions are:
1. When I do I need to make eye contact?
2. Is it appropriate to make eye contact with a stranger when talking to them?
3. How long do I need to make eye contact when talking to someone, for as long as the conversation takes place?
4. If the person I’m talking to pauses for like 5 seconds do I need to still make eye contact? What about 20 seconds?
5. If the person who I am talking to stopped making eye contact, but still talks to me, do I still need to make eye contacts?
6. Is taking eye contact breaks recommended?
7. Does making eye contact for a long period of time weird?
8. And finally, when should I stop making eye contact?
5 comments
1. Whenever you’re speaking to somebody.
2. Yes it’s normal.
3. 3-4s is a good rule to follow. Look at something else for a bit then back to their eyes.
4. It’s still okay to gaze into their eyes, if it’s uncomfortable for you, you can look at your surroundings, the clothes they’re wearing etc.
5. Only if you want to.
6. What do you mean by breaks? To look at something else you mean? Then refer to #3.
7. Depending on the situation. If it’s a stranger on the street, it might make them uncomfortable or they might question why you’re staring at them. If it’s a lover, eye contact can be a form of intimacy.
8. Refer to #3.
Edit: Grammar
You should make eye contact when you are talking or listening to someone but break contact every few seconds. Too much eye contact can be off putting. Dart your eyes around and then make eye contact again.
I feel like I intimidate people and make them feel uncomfortable when I look them in the eye when talking
The 50/70/5 Rule Of Eye Contact
Before you start talking, establish eye contact. Try to maintain eye contact 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening. At the very least, look at their eyes for about 4-5 seconds. Once that time ends, you can glance from side to side before re-establishing eye contact. But avoid looking down too much, if at all, so you don’t give off the impression that you lack confidence.
If direct eye contact intimidates you, focus on an area that’s close to the eyes. For example, the nose, eyebrow, or even the bridge between the eyes. They’ll never know you’re not looking into their eyes.
Practice until you become confident in doing it. You can do this with yourself in the mirror, with strangers as you walk by them, and even with friends. In time, you’ll be able to strike a good balance between looking at and away from the person you’re conversing with.
If you’ve associated eye contact with the teacher’s embarrassment, it could help to try associate it with something positive? Maybe a close friend or family member that you trust could help you practice. While all these rules you’ve asked for will help when you have the energy, when you’re tired, stressed or sick etc. these rules will be harder for you. So reframed eye contact as a positive thing may help. Reward yourself with praise, food, your favourite show etc.