This feels a bit silly, but I’ve noticed I almost feel unable to speak and somewhat debilitated in conversation. I would consider myself a friendly person and I can speak very easily to strangers/customer service, but sometimes when I’m around people I’ve known for many years or who I’m trying to connect with (boyfriend’s family or a friend for example), I feel like I’m almost unable to speak – like my mouth is glued shut or something. It’s kind of like the feeling of knowing the correct answer in school but being too nervous to raise your hand. I don’t know if maybe it’s just shyness or worry that I’ll mess up, but it’s becoming a bit frustrating and embarrassing. When I do speak I feel so nervous that I rush through what I’m saying and often jumble up my words. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this and how to possibly work through or overcome this. Thank you in advance <3
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I also go through this currently but i just take it as an “it is what it is ” situation. No matter how stupid you think you would sound just say what you have to say and think about the consequences later . A closed mouth is a closed destiny. You might be nervous, your voice might be shakey but just talk speak your mind. Repetition would make you better at speaking to people trust me it would feel like nothing special/difficult talking to people eventually.
Practice your way out of this. It’s fight or flight or freeze and your nervous system is choosing freeze (could be a million different reasons as to why). But it’s your bodies way of realizing it’s out of the “safe zone”. If it’s the eye contact that triggers it, look at their mouth or forehead or eyebrows. If it’s just the act of speaking aloud in general, the best way I’ve found to get myself out of it is practicing occasionally. You need to find a way to show your nervous system that speaking aloud is not putting you in danger, if that makes any sense.
You are an excellent candidate for joining toastmasters.
My personal tip is to speak first when you are able. This always puts my mind in the driver’s seat.
Remember this. No one gives a shit about what you’re saying. They just wanna get through the day so they can enjoy life. How many times have you remembered what people say throughout the day?
Same even it’s like I am gonna piss in my pants. Tear in my eyes and fear even it’s my right on anything.
What has helped me is just to read out loud to my dog or by myself. I have a tendency to get nervous and stutter. Something I have hidden most of my life. I get nervous talking. Reading out loud gives me practice at just being able to talk out loud in general. The more you speak out loud the less anxious you will be around people. It builds confidence when you just get used to expressing yourself with words even if no one is around.
What helped me is to gradually say more that was on the tip of my tongue. Many times I would stop myself from saying what I am thinking because I thought it was irrelevant or stupid. But I realized that’s how conversation is made.
Instead of waiting for the moment to pass I would just say it. After time you’ll realize it’s okay to say what’s on your mind and it will become more confident.
It’s anxiety. The more you work on speaking around people the easier it gets. If you allow your anxiety to take over it will debilitate you. At one time I was like that, however I decided I was just going to be me and embrace my shortcomings. I put out of my mind any thoughts and tell myself I’m going to do X I’ll think about it after. It was hard at first and at times it can still be, especially because I have dyslexia.
One word: Toastmasters
I have the same problem
I can relate to this, but someone told me that the reality is that I’m equal, not less than the others, I have the same right to join the conversation and tell my thoughts as others. This is true for you too.
Or maybe those particular people that you’re with in those situations, maybe you are not resonating well with each other, having issues to understand each other’s non-verbal signs or something like that? That can be a reason why you feel like you can’t join the conversation because it usually ends up in something awkward. If that’s the issue, spending time together with those people can help to find that common tone.
I’m struggling too, to respond to something in similar situation in clear sentences, but they say it’s all about practice, so…
*edit: typos
Fear of public speaking is super common. There’s exposure therapy for fear public speaking. It’s relatively quick easy and inexpensive. You don’t have to live your life with us. Take eight weeks and go take care of it.
Yeah, practice your way out of it by speaking as much as possible, regardless how coherent you sound. You can fine-tune this as you get more experience under your belt.
Also, every time you want to speak but can’t, apply some physical stimulus to jolt yourself out of that locking zone. Pinching yourself (palm?), tap/slap (gentle) on the side of your leg, etc. This will distract you long enough to become unconscious of this mental and physical hold and will start blabbering.. again, you will fine-tune the content in time. Good luck
I was the same way for sooo many years but I’m finally getting better at talking to people. I started an audio journal where I record myself speaking my thoughts. I usually “journal” on my way to and from work. This really helped me to fully formulate and express my thoughts instead of stopping mid-sentence, when people usually interrupt, and it really helped me to just get more comfortable speaking in general. Now, when I’m talking to people, even when I freeze a little, I’m still able to talk because it’s become a habit.. like a muscle memory type of thing.
Taurine can buff up your central nervous system.
Ur not alone, trust me, I’m the exact same way, while I don’t have proper advice for this, I will say this as encouragement; we will work through this and anybody else that’s also like this too. We got this 😀
This is normal. Many people find it difficult to open up to new people, and old friends already know you well, you are comfortable with them. In this case, getting out of the comfort zone can help. For example, you can go to some courses based on your interests and find new people there. It will be a great experience and an opportunity to open up.