Tl,dr: my boyfriend (27m) is obsessing over his new tattoos and future tattoos and won’t stop talking about it several times a day and it’s annoying. I’m (31m) not sure what to do.
My bf is just starting to get tattoos. This part doesn’t bother me as I too have tattoos, I started getting them pretty young. He waited due to being raised very Christian and being shamed for getting them plus (he admits to this) can be very unsure of what he wants.
Recently I got a new tattoo and he started to really insist on wanting to do his first one. At first all the questions didn’t bother me like about the pain level, healing, what artist I’d recommend, ect.
He really liked the artist who did my most recent one and immediately booked for an entire leg sleeve. I advised that can be a lot for a first tattoo and suggested something small just so he knows what to expect cause he was freaking out about how it would feel. He did end up getting a small piece from another artist. Leading up to that piece he wouldn’t stop verbally asking if I liked it, talking about worrying regretting it, ect. I kept my patience and just reassured since it was small he could cover it up or get it removed.
He got the small piece then it turned to constantly looking at it, constantly asking me if it looked okay. I multiple times just told him to not worry and let it heal up. Note he’ll do this with any new piercings too which I have none so I have no knowledge to what looks right or not.
Anyways since then it’s been every day he’s talking about tattoos, showing me different tattoos, obsessing over the leg sleeve and if the details are right. I get it’s permanent and a big choice but the talk about it everyday throughout the day just became a lot.
I actually did politely mention this that the repetitive conversation has been a lot for me and I just don’t have much to say anymore cause I’ve given my advice on it. He kinda got triggered saying he was sorry for being annoying which I did not use that word.
He does have ocd and likes to verbally process things outloud. I like to do that too but like it’s just becoming too much at this point and I don’t know what to do. We’re already in a weird patch of our relationship of 8 months where the “honeymoon” or “lust” phase has ended and were currently evaluating our feelings. This whole repetitive conversations isn’t helping as I feel more distanced because I am becoming annoyed and don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Honestly just not sure what I should do.
2 comments
You have to communicate. You need to keep setting and enforcing your limits. Trust him to do the work of managing his anxiety and coping with his OCD. You *cannot* and should not do that for him.
I’m a tattoo artist and we call this “getting the bug,” sometimes people go on an absolute tear of getting tattooed/becoming a little obsessive about tattoos after a good tattoo experience. It sounds like maybe it’s being amplified by his OCD. Hopefully you can find ways to change the subject/ tell him you’re happy for him but are a little burned out by talking about tattoos. My partner has had to tell me that before and I’ve learned to tone it down.