I (22M) ended things with the girl (20F) I was dating for 5 months about 1.5 weeks ago. I did this because I mostly felt that I could not give her back the feelings she was giving me, and that made me feel guilty. It started unexpectedly, and I really really like her personality and we vibe perfectly. We did fun things and laughed a lot. But in the end I could not shed the feeling that in the end it would not go anywhere? And that my romantic feelings would not reach *that* level of being in love. I could maybe not give her what she wanted to give me, which feels unfair. And in that regard it did not feel right to continue, even though I perfectly could have for quite some time. Part of me wants to go back to her and try again. I want to do more fun things and enjoy each others company. But I am also not sure if it would turn out be any different in the long run. I am maybe overly aware that I do not think this is something that could be sustainable for a long-term serious relationship. Although another part is yelling ‘why the hell not?’.
But right now I wonder if this is a normal case of not falling love unfortunately. But another part of me is curious if I am not just making this decision rushed? I know that in the end I felt guilty and unfair to continue with her. But maybe I should just have asked for a break, to have some time to think. Because now I just long for being together and doing fun things? Though then I am also asking myself whether I have feelings for her, of feeling for being with her. If that makes sense?
A part of me also wants to be single, which is fine. Another part of me has the urge to just have casual hook-ups, but I kinda hate that feeling, because I know it is just thrill and no real happiness.
I just wonder if my feelings did not develop just because the attraction isn’t fully there – and maybe now I am just missing spending time with her. But I am also scared that I am just not emotionally available yet? As my last relationship of 3 years ended little over a year ago when she cheated and broke up with me. But it does not feel as if that stands in the way of my life anymore.
I just really hope that that has not caused me some fear of commitment that is keeping me from fully loving now. However I do also know that I ended things with this girl because I also felt that – with my current level of feelings – it had to stop at some time. And I think we could also be friends, we are doing okay. But it just does not feel like the optimal solution because we both miss spending time together. On the other hand maybe now I forget the things that were maybe annoying when we were together.
So yeah at the end of the line, I am not sure why I am feeling what I am feeling. And that is tricky. Why did I have this feeling that I had to end things even though it was going all quite fine?