Dam :c
I just asked my manager (who’s like my age about 18 or 19 mayb?) If he thinks I’m conventionally unattractive/ugly to the general standard and he was like “ughh as your manager I dont think I should answer that.” And then a co worker over heard and she came over and started telling me all this “I don’t think you should be asking those questions because your feelings could get hurt when they tell you. What matters more os on the inside not how you look on the outside and it’s very subjective I don’t think there’s a beauty standard.” Nd they refused to tell me what they thought and my manager acted awkward and he was kinda like”uhhhh” and stuttering
39 comments
You co-worker is right, you shouldn’t be asking those types of question because nobody will answer you. And that’s because they’re being considerate of your feelings, not because they think you’re ugly.
You need to ask yourself the real reason why you’re looking for this kind of response from people though.
What if u ugly, does it change anything?
Yeah that’s pretty awkward, and unprofessional. You made them uncomfortable and that’s the big reason. Be careful at work as that could be taken the wrong way and be an HR issue or affect your reputation. It’s not about your looks, especially at work. Be careful
Not really appropriate for work but it’s already been asked, can’t undo it. I looked at your post in amiugly. Get to the gym constantly your skinny AF. And get a haircut.
Edited: you’re not your
r/amiugly
Just take care of yourself, dress well and smell nice. Who cares what people think as long as you present yourself nicely.
I don’t think that’s an appropriate question to ask in a lot of contexts. You’re probably not ugly and you’d likely only get an actual answer if you’re the most attractive human being they’ve ever met.
I stalked your profile and saw a picture, your not ugly man. You could present yourself better but with a haircut and a shave you would be looking a lot better.
Asking people questions like that is always bad, it shows your low self esteem which is unattractive.
First you asked work people- that’s just drama and a nightmare that’s waiting to happen.
Attractiveness is a personal thing and to some people sure you’re gonna be unattractive but to others you are the most attractive person ever.
The only person you should be asking am I attractive to is yourself. The parts you find attractive change it (preferably without surgery) and seek therapy to be comfortable with who you are. Because you will find somebody that makes you feel like a god
Ok so what if you asked someone and they say yes. You are ugly. Then what are you going to do differently? Will it affect your life other than reinforcing the obvious lack of self esteem you have in yourself. Professionally it is definitely wrong for you to ask and your boss to respond. He was smart not to. You should be focusing on why you want to ask people that. And if you don’t like the way you look maybe do something about it. Turn it into a positive and work on self improvement.
Based on your pics, i can tell you that your face itself really isn’t ugly.
Still, they were right that you simply shouldn’t be asking such questions at your work place.
>your feelings could get hurt when they tell you. What matters more os on the inside not how you look on the outside and it’s very subjective I don’t think there’s a beauty standard
This sounds like what people say to someone who is ugly, yes. They’re also probably uncomfortable because you shouldn’t ask that kind of thing at work.
Hey, I just looked at your profile and I don’t think you’re ugly at all. I’m a man and I’m straight. And I don’t care if I hurt anybody’s feelings.
Ugly or beautiful is subjective to personal taste and cultural taste. I very recently asked a girl to rate my face and she said 4 out of 10. should I be sad over it? I don’t think so, because I’ve been told by more than a few women that I’m handsome or even hot. It’s subjective.
or they simply might have had many experiences with the most handsome men in the world. Yeah, I doubt that one.
Also “beauty is on the inside”? really? whoever believes that bullshit and uses it as an excuse to not look their best deserves whatever loneliness they get. The same girls who tell you beauty is on the inside don’t talk with you and instead go get railed by someone who looks better to them.
I won’t answer this for anyone, pretty or ugly, because I hate it when people need to badger me to validate themselves.
Dude no. Don’t put coworkers on the spot for what by all accounts appears an intentional path right into an HR nightmare.
I’m going to bet that you are not ugly, but that you have a crippling lack of self-esteem and social awareness. Work on those. If you *are* somehow ugly? Well, can’t really do anything about that. But you can change how you approach yourself and take value in yourself.
Yes, you can. I heard that little voice in your head say “bullshit” the moment you read that last sentence. It takes work – potentially a lot – but here’s the thing: You are fully responsible and in control of how you act, respond, and feel. You are.
These are ugly questions and nobody likes ugly. Everybody has their flaws but should you call them ugly?
In this case it would be a inappropriate answer but in any other situation not answering is the answer. The bad one.
I mean, that’s a really inappropriate question to ask your manager. Either the answer is yes and it’s a potential “my manager upset me with his mean comments” complaint, or the answer is no and now it’s a potential “I felt harassed when my manager complimented my looks” complaint.
I know some very socially popular people, men and women, who are conventionally unattractive but because of their confidence and general like ability nobody gives a shit. One woman I know does triathlons and has a really long face with bad teeth, skin, and hair. She’s not outgoing but she’s very calm and a very good friend. She speaks her mind, she stands up for what she thinks is right, and she’s not silly or impulsive. She has a very good job and a handsome husband. When people say it’s what’s on the inside that counts, it really is.
Practice thinking about “maturity” rather than “attractiveness”. You are loved no matter what.
I’d take it at face value- your manager probably just felt it was inappropriate/crossing a professional boundary for him to answer.
What you’re doing is called “fishing for compliments” and everyone hates it. Don’t.
That’s asking for an HR meeting. Best not to ask those kinds of questions at work.
Assuming that you are heterosexual, women far less focused on looks than men are. So “ugly”, whether you are or not is almost immaterial. And fortunately for us blokes, there are a large number of actions that we can take to make up for the fact that we don’t look like Chris Hemsworth.
Take action to improve your mental health. If you are a student, some schools allow you to access counselling for free or cheap. If you have a university near you that has a psychology program, thry may have “practice counselling” for the students that you can access at low cost.
Get fit. You don’t have to be ripped, but physically fit is attractive to women. If you can’t afford a gym membership, a lot can be done at home with two gallon jugs filled with water. Look up kettle bell exercises on YouTube.
Improve your diet. Cutting out fast foods, processed foods and sugar will give you an automatic one point appearance boost, and save you money. Easy win.
Learn how to cook well. Nothing gets a woman’s attention like saying “I felt like cooking a roast, so I am having a few friends over on Friday night, would you like to join us? Even if she isn’t interested, she is going to talk to her friends about you.
Contrary to what I said about sugar, learn how to bake. The guy who shows up at the shared meal with fresh baked goods gets noticed.
Join a voluntary organisation and work your way towards leadership. Healthy functioning leadership is something that women are wired to be attracted to. Don’t try to sleep your way through the group, but be good at making the group run well and you will stand out.
Join a public speaking group like toastmasters. Once you are comfortable speaking in front of a group of people, talking to one person is playing on easy mode. Even better if you can then progress to something like an improv comedy group, because being able to make women laugh is another huge boost.
Learn how to dress well. Looking neat, in clean, well fitting clothes, appropriate to the situation is another demonstration of “good working order”
The goal is to work to demonstrate being in “good working order” that is far more important than your appearance.
It’s not as easy as you might think for us to be able to tell from your anecdote.
Here’s why:
You’re self-conscious. And when you’re self-conscious you color people’s neutral language with your own biases unconsciously.
This girl could have come up to you for any number of reasons. But because you’re self-concious it instead confirmed your own bias that you must be unattractive.
In my world, it’s hard to imagine anyone being that transparent. So it’s also highly likely you being unattractive didn’t even occur to her when she approached you.
Your manager was also right to go for the “no comment”. Because it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t. So he was smart to plead the fifth on that one.
All that is to say — we just don’t know. And it would be unfair to you to even pretend as if we do.
Yea DONT do this op
Beauty is skin deep. Some of the prettiest people are ugly inside and it makes them unattractive/ugly. Some of the less attractive people are beautiful inside and they are gorgeous outside. So many factors play into how someone is perceived, how they carry themselves, their voice, body, personality, how they smile, treat others, the charism they have, the confidence they exude.
The only person it matters to is the one in the mirror. If you want to feel pretty change how you feel about yourself, how you carry yourself, how you take care of yourself, and how you view yourself.
That’s a no win kind of question. Even more concerning is that communicates to the person that you are asking that you have questions about your own self worth. The worst kind of people will use that against you. The very worst.
That said, there is a non-visual beauty in someone that really understands themselves and has a way of operating around others without compromising their inner self-worth. Don’t compromise and don’t show your weakest cards.
Regardless of anything else about your attractiveness, asking your manager if you’re attractive is like begging them to commit an HR infraction.
If you feel ugly and unattractive then stop the self-pity and work on improving yourself. Nobody’s going to do it for you. Learn to love yourself regardless of others opinion of you.
The older you get the less you will give a shit about looks. Think about it like this: Let’s say you are extremely beautiful. Many people will fall for you because of that. How do you know if people want to be with you because of your personality or just for your looks? In a way, being “ugly” is beneficial, because then you know that the people that like you are not in it for your looks.
Ok, your current long-hair + fuzzstache doesn’t really work imo. Facial features are otherwise good. Looking for validation is normal, but do it more subtly. Like maybe dont put your hierarchical superior into such positions at the workplace if you’re looking to improve general creepyness.
Why would you put people in that uncomfortable ass situation? If you feel ugly why would you want to ask others to reassure you? Or are you expecting them to lie? You should seek validation from yourself only. Maybe do the work to get that confidence up. Good luck.
U r not ugly, u r above average, i saw a photo of u from yr profile. But u need a haircut lol
You’re making this harder for yourself and your coworkers. I think you already know the answer. You gotta improve your self esteem, and deal with your insecurities dude.
I feel for you brother. You seem like you could be a totally normal person but you have a fucked up mindset. The first step in unfucking your mindset is to seek an understanding of what your doing right or wrong. Just keep working on yourself and getting better. Put effort into your grooming and personal hygiene, hit the gym, get better at the things you absolutely have to do, learn from your mistakes, and remind yourself everyday that your worth something and you are worth the effort it takes to improve yourself.
It’s not fair of you to put that kind of pressure on other people.
It’s super inconsiderate.
Please domt seek validation from your coworkers. You’re literally just meant to do your job with them.
Manager POV time:
If a coworker of any age came up to me to ask me that question, I would probably be thrown off guard- not because I’m struggling to answer truthfully, but because it’s a question that is:
1. Unexpected in the workplace. This is probably why your manager was hesitating in their answer. It’s not something people are thinking about or prepared to answer while at work.
2. Inappropriate & answering it could get me fired. From a purely selfish standpoint, I want my job. I want my crew to be comfortable. I don’t want personal attractiveness to be a point of contention or a topic of discussion at work because it can hurt feelings, things can get quickly and easily misconstrued, and it’s just not a good overall conversation.
3. (From non-manager POV) Awkward & I don’t know what answering could lead to. If I say “no”, it’s offensive & I can hurt someone’s feelings or be forced to explain something I probably spent zero time thinking about beforehand. If I answer “yes”, I have no idea if the coworker will now follow up with other unwanted questions regarding dating/attraction/hookups.
And lastly- not sure where you work but I’m guessing there’s a uniform. NO person looks their best in a work uniform. If you’re feeling self conscious about your appearance at work, I promise you most of your coworkers aren’t digging their own work outfit/look either.
you’re not ugly you just made everyone uncomfortable by asking a completely irrelevant, unprofessional and personal question in a work environment.