I struggled with endometriosis, IBS, stomach ulcers and now with something that looks like fibromyalgi or something cause I am exhausted, tired and pain all over my joints and muscles. I have flare ups when I have the slightest stress.My boyfriend that lives 1 hour away from me expect me to forget about my health issues when he gets sick and get over to his place and help him. I am much by myself and left
to take care of myself and I tell him.that even though I have a nurturing side, I have to say “no” when I am sick myself. He gets angry and says I just turn my back on him. I ask him to lower his expectations when I struggle with sickness myself and I dont have any expectations from him, and he says he understands but 1-2 days later he has new needs and new expectations. I love him and we have good chemistry otherwise, but I feel I get more and more sick by this stress and expectations and I can’t handle that guot he makes me feel for taking care of myself. Any advices?
8 comments
I can’t handle the guilt he gives me was supposed to say at the end of my post
He doesn’t care. If he actually cares about you he would make any effort to take care of you as well. He demands your attention and care but refuses to return them.
You have health issues that will effect the rest of your life. The stress of dealing with him will just make everything worse.
What is he sick with so often?
Try to find a way to get healty without him. Have you thought about getting your uterus removed? I am your age and 5 years ago I had an operation on my uterus and they asked me if I want to keep it. As I still wanted kids at that time, I said yes. Today, I wished the thing was gone, as I am childfree and this thing ruins my life.
He’s a needy child. Look after yourself. Tell him you’ll visit when YOU are feeling well enough.
If he doesn’t like it then 🤷♀️. He’s not going to change now at his age. He’ll be a cantankerous old hypochondriac in a few years googling old person illnesses and moaning to you all day.
Personally I’d run.
In other words, guilt says: “I should be doing something different”. In anger, he says “You owe me, I need you to fix me”. From the guilt place, you say “Yes I do owe you but I have nothing to give you right now”. Can you see this dynamic? Here’s the leap of faith: believe in your own healing. Believe that it is waiting for you. Know that the next steps- the right doctors, helpful medicines, little snippet of advice that resonant with your intution are there and waiting for you. Believe that this is temporary. Know that you will feel good again and grab those days when you do feel good and build on them. These thoughts feel optimistic, hopeful, curious expectant and excited right? From this place you have something to give your partner that says “you don’t need fixing”. You are now coming from a cheerleading place, a support place an I believe in you place. “You’ve got this” is a profoundly powerful statment that acknowleges who you are at the core of your being. Tell him that. You’ve got this girl. Believe.
You‘re treating him to well and he doesn’t deserve it. He expects you to take care of him when he is sick but what about all of your conditions? He caught a man cold and you‘re seriously ill… I can understand that he feels bad in these times but did ever take care of you? Cooking you a home cooked soup? Massaging you? Making you a nice bubble bath? He‘s not treating you like his partner but his mother. Maybe even less than that! Don‘t feel guilty for telling him how you feel. The fact that he even let it get that far is crazy. You‘re worth more than having to take care of a grownup child especially when you‘re sick
Tell him to take care himself since you take care you when sick.
Better yet dump him since he isn’t tending you in your time of need.
You may be hurt, but may emotional and physically start to feel better because there isn’t any guilt and manipulation.