I just joined Reddit because I need a bit of help. Not really an internet person but this was my last resort before I do something silly.
I’m going to put up a few posts regarding marriage because I have a lot of issues trying to understand me and my situation.
Please go easy on me , I’ve seen some comments and it’s taken me a week to find the courage to post.
So what I want to know is what is married life supposed to be like day to day ?
I have three kids from previous Marriage who are at college and uni. Their dad was never around and never will be .
Can you guys tell me ?
I’ll tell you mine.
I’ll start from Monday morning.
Wake up and he’s already up showering getting ready to go to the gym .
Kids have left early and one is still asleep.
I wake up and I’m getting ready to go to one of our business premises that needs the most support.
We speak briefly about issues in the businesses and the day plan and decide who’s taking which car .
No hug no kiss.
We leave.
Numerous calls during the day regarding work issues, staff, sales , wages taxes etc.
Before I leave I call him to ask what he wants for dinner.
I come home Cook, we talk more about work and then the kids come and we eat dinner .
We talk with the kids about their day etc.
We then watch Tv whilst he is on his laptop or spends the whole evening on his phone talking to his friends in various WhatsApp groups.
Then we go up to bed . We don’t really have much to talk about .
In bed he he will be watching YouTube videos or straight away knocks out.
The rest of the week will be the same, but he will go to golf for 6-7 hours with his friends 3-4 times a week .
I’m so bored, I need a companion not a business partner.
I get asked out numerous times a day ( have retail stores) because I’m around the public a lot.
I get so happy with a little bit of attention from a. Random guy. Im not a bad or disloyal person but this is what it come to.
I just want someone to feel connected to , someone to kiss me and hug me .
This can’t be a Normal marriage can it ?
TLDR ; husband not giving me time or attention, don’t have emotional or physical connection. More like business partners / flat mates.
Feel pretty lonely. Trying to figure out if I’m needy or insecure or being unreasonable. Or is this what marriage is ?
13 comments
Shouldn’t be normal for a marriage
It’s not normal to spend all your fun free time playing golf and neglecting your spouse.
Our workdays don’t look too different from yours, but we both look forward to spending our free time together. We see bands, go to museums, go for walks…simple stuff. But together.
Yikes, sorry you’re going through this. Your husband is taking you for granted and you two don’t seem to have an actual romantic relationship. A wife probably should leave if their husband is this checked out and indifferent
No it’s not supposed to be like that…
I for one play video games after I come from office to relax for like an hour, then have dinner…
But after that for next hour, hour and half I am just with my wife talking, discussing, watching a movie etc…
I realised what I was doing (exactly as your SO) was not good for relationship…
Relationship needs time as it’s fertilizer for it to grow stronger…
You said before you make the biggest decision, I assume that means divorce or separation? Have you tried to discuss this with him? It sounds like you two are just two passing ships and sometimes that can happen, but has there been any attempt to resolve this?
how long have you married? how long has this been the norm? have you tried to talking already about it? have both of you made to steps to reconnect?
some weeks this is normal for us, if its a busy week etc or my husband is working away. but for the most part we always leave with a kiss, hug and i love you. and we talk about our day.
the amount of time your husband is spending away from home is not ok, his priority should be you and your marriage
Next time he said I was being childish I would reply “I may be but I’m about to be childish while single”
How he is treating you is not right.. he only cares about his wants and gives 0% about yours…
I would make a bi business talk rule. Like after work, no business talk. You gotta talk about something else and while I’m all for having “me” time, he’s having an outrageous amount of it when he could be taking some of that to spend with you.
My husband goes to class all day and I work. We come home and talk about our days but there’s so many cute texts, hugs, kisses and flirting throughout the day I couldn’t imagine not having that.
I live that daily, I had a business with my spouse and became coworkers not partners. I do my own thing I have tried to do things together , not interested or just a jerk.in public. He would rather golf than family functions. Worst was today I lost it. Family function. I drove and everyone took off and left me. ( We were already parked and walking into a venue). No seat saved. No. One waited. I was at the event for 30 plus min before anyone noticed.
I told people why I was pissed. No apologies.
I hope AP you have a better experience than I have. Try making plans together tell him how you feel like an employee not a wife. I wish you better luck than myself.
It’s not abnormal to want intimacy in a marriage.
Oh dear , was he always like this or is it after kids? Intimacy also lies in finer things like good morning hugs, cuddling, holding hands, emotional support etc. This is definitely not normal. And I’m not surprised your liking the outside attention coz clearly there’s a lack of it from your husband who should be giving you that!
You are his servant not his wife. This is not normal.
Golfing with friends 3-4 days per week??
Can he sub one of those days to hang with you or for you two to do something you or you both enjoy? Could you be included if you wanted to golf also?