Yes, we’re breaking up. He wasn’t even remorseful. The problem is, I live with him in a foreign country from my family, about a 16 hour flight away. I need to tell me family and my job that I’m going home, as soon as possible, and I have no idea how to do that. More importantly, I have no idea how to get my things together in the space we share together, the space that we were making into our home. I feel like a zombie. How do I process this, and how do I navigate our shared living space with such a broken heart?
11 comments
OP,
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. If you’re close to your family, call and share with them what’s happened. You’ve been very wronged. Financially, the worst thing that can happen is that you go home with the clothes on your back. You’re grieving and you need to work through the grieving process. It’s hard right now, but you will survive. As my mother once told me, every bad day ends with a sunset, but tomorrow’s sunrise is the beginning of the first day of the rest of your life.
You.did.nothing.wrong.
Just keep remembering that.
Make a lot of all the things you need to do – just write down everything.
When you can’t think of anything else, start to number the items in the order they need to be accomplished.
When faced with a HUGE task, just remember it will be accomplished one step at a time.
You are free. Never let him see you cry. Go to the gym and kill your muscles, get into nature, ride bike, whatever you do stay active. You will need to channel those feelings into something positive.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. First, separate your finances and change your passwords. Gather up your important documents ( e.g., passport, other ID, etc.). Let your family know you’re coming home. Let your employer know you’re leaving, effective immediately. Pack your essentials only. Leave and don’t look back.
Once you’re away from him, you can begin to heal. It’ll take time and that’s okay. You’ll grieve and that’s okay, too. It will get better. Good luck.
Why do you have to go home? You got a life where you are. Get your own space and show this sorry excuse of a man that you are fine without him.
This is so awful! What an arsehole.
Tell him you’re leaving. You make a plan – write down the things you need to do:
e.g tell you family, book the flight, get your documents together, pack your bags.
Put aside your heartbreak and focus on your to do list. Tell yourself you’ll fall apart later.
Are there friends in the area that can help you get your stuff together to move or sell it? Sell what you don’t absolutely need, take only very important items with you. If you can’t transport it at the moment, ask a close friend if they’d be able to store it for a short period of time.
Be honest with your family about why you’re coming home, if it’s an option for you (since everyone has different family relationships) but maybe don’t disclose the specifics to your job, just that due to an unexpected change in your living situation you will regretfully no longer be able to work there.
If you want to start processing it now, absolutely do so. If you don’t want to fully address it until after the move (because I know this is definitely a lot) then just stay focused on the task at hand. If you decide to focus on tasks though just make sure you do end up giving yourself time to grieve this; it can’t be put off indefinitely.
When you’re ready, depending on where you’re at there’s different resources that you can use to help get through the first part of processing and grieving this betrayal
Make a plan, write it down. Small simple steps and dates of when you should do them. This with help you move forward as you will have small attainable goals and will keep you focused on sorting your self out.
Give me his address and I’ll get him dealt with (I’m joking… or not)
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Your ex is an AH and don’t deserve a tear. He knew that you gave up your life at home and did this shit. If he wanted to get out, there would have other ways.
Call family or friends and talk with them. You need emotional support and let off some steam. Then you should ask yourself: Do you want to move back or stay in this country? You can also start new somewhere else. At best you make a list what need to be done. Everytime you think of something new, add it.
Then inform yourself about the prices to get your stuff back to your country (if you want to get back). Maybe it is cheeper to sell it in the next two weeks and buy the stuff new there. Go from room to room and divide the things in folowing groups: Things you want to take with you/important; stuff that can be sold and bought new; stuff for donation; trash.
I know it is hard when your life is turned upside down and you just want to curl in a ball and cry. It is so unfair because you didn’t do anything and still must face such consequences. But something you can’t think about it and just react. Try to find the good points like you can go back to your family or make a new start. That you didn’t waste more time with him.
I wish you the best ❤️
Jesus that’s horrendous. Good thing you have the self respect to cut him out, that’s significantly more than a lot of the people on this sub.
You should confide in your friends and family a lot of people covered that part well.
Do you have somewhere else you can stay for time being? Friends?
Here’s some work related commentary: Why do you feel you need to leave where you are? You have a life there too, no? Are you doing well in your company? Do you like it? Have a good boss/mentor? Have good colleagues? Good pathway? If yes to all, I will say now, it’s very hard to find that.
If you have a good boss, maybe you can confide in them? They might just be able to offer some flexibility and/or remote options.
If your answer to the above is no or the emotions are too high and you need the security of home and family then here’s some practical tips to informing your workplace of your reasons:
Don’t. Simply inform them you are handing in and serving your notice and moving back home. There’s no need for them to pry. If they do, and you feel pressed for an answer, you can say it is due to personal reasons or you want to be closer to gamily. That is a complete and acceptable answer. They don’t need to know about your life.
Also: Go to the gym or go on a long walk more frequently, just do what you can, doesn’t have to be much. You’ll thank yourself in the future.
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