I’m curious what it’s like for people in LTRs in their 20s, how much do you and your partner have sex per month on average? I’m in an 7 year long relationship and am not having as much sex as I would like (maybe like once or twice a month) and it’s been tough. Let’s talk!

20 comments

  2. I’m almost at year three and hit a bit of a slump where we are having sex once a week or just under – I’m not loving this. 30f&m.

  3. You might try the birth control pill. He might enjoy sex more if he can cum inside you and therefore he would want it more. Also the pill can reduce your own sex drive, so maybe you two will meet in the middle that way.

  5. I’ve been with my wife 10 years and it’s fluctuated through out life . We definitely have some communication problems that when we sorted through led to an amazing sex life

    .. then we had two kids which slowed that lol but it’s getting back there
    I swear my 7month old wakes up if I almost cum 🥲

    Energy and mood from work effected me hard and she wasn’t as confident as she wanted to be. My advice would be to talk about everything that bothers yous and ask your partner to do the same. You’d be surprised what you’d find out

  7. Depends on the person. My ex fiancee didn’t want sex much and at one point I didn’t have it for almost a year. Best to ask why he isn’t up for it often

  8. Been with my wife about 10 years now. 3 kids, both working full time. We aim for 3 times a week at least. It’s always at least once a week, rarely more than 4. Life gets in the way a lot. Kid’s responsibilities, house responsibilities, work responsibilities. Then finding the time, energy and Hopefully the right mood to engage isn’t always easy. I get extremely moody and irritable without it, and we both enjoy it regardless so we put forth the effort to ensure we have a healthy sex life. It’s definitely a lot more work than it was in our early 20s!

  10. Like twice a week minimum is our agreement so at least 8 times a month sometimes more depending on if I have more mental energy. We talked about a minimum tho

  11. On again/off again of 4 years.. lol, not sure what to even call him these days but we see eachother 2-4 days a week and have sex at least 2-3 times. Rarely less, occasionally more.

    I’ve been on both sides of this. Dated a guy with whom sex felt like a chore and I could have gone without it. And then undated someone who never wanted sex. Once every few months. It messes with me so badly.. damaged my sense of self worth and my self confidence. I would never, ever agree to be in a dead bedroom situation again, regardless of how great the relationship was otherwise.

    You’re so young. There’s so much time for you to find someone more compatible. Why waste your life and your time with someone who isn’t even trying to fill your very valid and normal relationship needs?

  12. I’m 52 she is 47 we try for 3 times a week and usually make it. Married 24 years.

  13. I was married for 13 years. From beginning to year 3 it was all the time. As of year 3, it started to slow down. At year 8 it was once a year til year 11. And then nothing.

  14. It might depend on your living situation. At 24 my gf lived with me, so we didn’t have any trouble finding time to see each other. We were averaging every morning and every night.

  15. Been together 6 years and it’s fluctuated a lot over time. Sometimes we go 2 weeks without (he often works overnights while I work days) and sometimes we have sex 5-7 times a week if we see each other more. It really depends on a lot of different factors for us but overall I’d say we try for at least 3 times a week at the least

  16. Once or twice a month? That’s fucking nuts in a perfect world I get it once a week but now it’s looking like once every 2 months and I hate it but love is sacrifice I suppose, taking care of myself only goes so far, not totally sure what I wanna do yet because I love my partner and never want to leave but I also really want sex a whole lot more than she is willing to.

  17. Schedule at least one weeknight and let the rest happen. You may up the schedule later.

    There was a couple who wrote about it. They used to go on out on date night once a week, and one time they had a huge fight but at 7o’clock, she had her cute dress on, makeup and all, and waited in the passenger seat of the car. They didn’t even make it to the restaurant that night and had to call in a pizza order lol

  18. My wife and I are in our 30s, been together 10 years, married 5. In our 20s, average was 3 times every two weeks. It’s slowed down a lot now, after two kids, to maybe a dozen times a year.

    I’d also mention, talk to your partner. Let them know your sexual needs are not being met. Try to see what can be done to increase the sex.

  19. Have you talked about your ideals with each other? Some individuals/couples are content and flourish having sex only once a month. But given that you’re posting about this, I’d say this doesn’t work for you and you have more frequent sexual needs. I’m curious if he feels similar or if he’s happy with 2x a month.

    Example – I feel the most connected to you when we have sex atleast 3 times a week. How about you?

    Example – “I’m wanting more intimacy with you. Can we prioritize sex twice a week?”

    Figure out what works best for both of you. Communicate.

    The biggest thing is to keep up the intimacy muscle. Sex becomes a practice in longer relationships, just like going to the gym. If you take some time off, it can be difficult to get back into the flow and routine of things. There’s always going to be an excuse if sex isn’t prioritized. And even if sex is prioritized, there will always be natural fluctuations due to external circumstance. Regardless I suggest an agreed upon, minimum goal that is given utmost priority.

    I’ve literally been in a place where I was so stressed and busy that I had to organize a sex date. I set up a date with the communicated expectation that we WERE having sex afterward. The whole days ended up being a sort of forplay. We ended up learning from that experience that forplay for the next sex session STARTS when the last sex session ended.

    I’ve also been in seasons where I didn’t feel like it due to stress and i continued to have sex. I ALWAYS felt more relaxed and connected afterward even if it wasn’t as pleasurable or connective as I wanted it to be. This is a super personal ‘okay’ for me. It works because I see the bigger picture and I trust the experience, not to say that you will be comfortable with this (or your partner).

    Also, maybe he’s struggling sexually. In which case, making time for forplay without an objective or goal can ease off performative pressure.

    This is a loaded topic, super subjective to your situation but I hope you find your ideal.

    Communicate, if not anything else.

    Happy fucking. ❤️

  20. 26 and been together 4 years, sometimes a few times in a week, sometimes once or twice a month. it doesn’t really bother me

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